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Do people underestimate you?

LadyS

LadyS

One eye permanently raised it seems...
V.I.P Member
Do people around you constantly underestimate you because of your autism? And how do you generally deal with those situations?

Although no one knows about my autism except my close family, people have still sensed that I was different or on the "slow" side to put it crudely. Because of that, sometimes friends or mostly family assume that I don't know how to do certain things, even mundane day-to-day things like cook or DIY stuff. This has happened constantly throughout my life.

I know people make silent assumptions about others all the time, but in my case people are not afraid to outwardly call me out on it. Most of the time it's people that don't know me well, I'm talking about people who see me once every few years, but it can be anyone really. I never understood where these people get the gall to make those assumptions and actually say it to my face.

Most of the time I never have any sort of comeback, as I'm usually left flustered and mind-blanked. A few times I've made some sarcastic quips in return which usually shuts them up but also scares them away. However now I'm noticing that it's happening to my son who's also autistic and this time more from my peers. My mama bear mode switches on in this case but I can't help but reliving my own experiences when it happens. This makes me want to share my diagnosis even less, then I can only imagine how even less they would think of me.

Anyone can relate?
 
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I have been regarded and treated like a retard all my life due to all my diagnosis so yes i can most definitely relate.

Its no secret that im for the be open with whom you are and those diagnosis you do have as then it gives the non diagnosed the possibility to understand you better and understand why you as you say are in some cases slower then others. I got it in my medical files back when i got my Mild ID diagnose that i would not ever be able to make it in the working life ever. Well i did (sadly i was forced to leave again due to my body (NOT mind ) was giving up. ) regardless of the poor odds and hardly no one believed in me.

In my case i have been fully opened about all my diagnosis and it have helped being less misunderstood.

What i would suggest is talk to you're peers and explain to them what Autism is and how it shows. Then they have the option of trying to understand and accept that he is not stupid nor are you dumb or slow as you say its just sadly how this diagnose present it self that's all .

SO in conclusion it might help both you're self as well as you're son if you came out to you're peers

Neither of us in here should ever have to feel that we needed to hide or mask who we really are and i`l be darned the day im gonna feel any shame for either one of my diagnosis. We didn't ask to be born with any of them. And those that cant or don't want to respect you as you are the can take a flying hike as far as i care be it family or so called friends
 
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Over the years, I have found that a lot of people mistake a lack of social skills for stupidity. I believe this is because most people are social animals and value social skills over everything else. I am a social misfit and am certainly not a social animal. Most people underestimate me until they need something done, that they can not do. Then I am OK for a while. But I am not part of their social circle, so they usually do not know my name. Then I am "That weird, old, smart guy". Thank goodness for business cards.
 
For me, it's the opposite. I think people tend to overestimate my abilities, at least my intellectual abilities. However, I feel people can be dismissive of my social abilities. I sometimes get told that I'm gullible or that I'm reading too much into someone's behaviors when I don't think I am. I fear that people knowing that I have ASD might lead them to be even more dismissive of how I feel in social situations. Like my discomfort will always be because of me and not because of the individual/group/etc failing to create a welcoming environment.

I can definitely relate to being flustered and blanking out during social situations. I believe that's one of the primary reasons I'm so quiet. I don't always know how to respond. I've always admired those who are quick-witted and able to respond quickly but for me, it usually goes like this:

Person: *Says something insulting/sarcastic/mean/etc*
Me: *Silence*
Me: *15 minutes after the person has left* Oh yeah...well, shut up!"
 
Oh yes, I definitely relate - in more than one way. Not only do I have autistic mannerisms, expressions, etc., but I am also small. People often think I need help with things because I am so small. Like lifting or carrying things. That generally offends me. My often used response is that yes, I am small, but I am not crippled.
People even say things like that in the face of conflicting evidence. Once in a group run, a friend was behind me and started offering encouragement and telling me I needed to keep up. That made me angry and I told him he could tell me that if he were in front of me. He never got in front of me.
Once in a big airport, my wife and me dropped off our rental car and walked for about 45 minutes to our terminal. I then realized that I left my insulin in the rental car (I'm a type-1 diabetic). My wife got infuriated at me telling me how incompetent I was. I said give me the car receipt so I can go back and get it. She said I would never find my way and would get lost because I have such a poor sense of direction. I was deeply insulted and demanded her to give me the receipt. I grabbed the receipt and ran all the way back to the car rental area and told them I left something in the car and handed them the ticket. My insulin was quickly retrieved and I ran back in less than half an hour. Plenty of time before boarding.
I guess that's just human nature, but I really hate being judged. I know it is because of my looks and mannerisms but it still offends me.
 
Like Ken, I notice more how I am treated due to my size. Especially when I was younger. I once had a woman put her hands on her knees and bend down to talk to me. I am a perfectly "normal" size short shorter than average. So when this woman talked to me like that, I adopted the same posture when responding. The look on her face was priceless!

I think most women have been subjected to condensending, unnesessary explainations. And patronizing attitudes are just some peoples mo. I know a woman who likes to quiz me on what I know about various subjects, then tell me how wrong I am. I have said to her, "next time you have something to share spare me humilation and just spit it out".

But I don't always realize when I am being subjected to descrimination. Sometimes I will realize my mistake in the middle of the night. But that's ok with me because my ignorance thwarted my detractor any way.
 
LadyS said:
Good points. I'd say poor for both.
Click to expand...

Had poor posture for a long time myself, tried a few things to no avail, but finally seeing a physio who gave me a short set of exercises with (light) hand weights - only takes a few minutes, so not hard to do. (difficulty retaining muscle tone is common in autism).

Saw a speech therapist at about 40 after mumbling all my life. Got more clarity now.
 
Yes. I am very feminine looking and sometimes men take that as you are a complete idiot. And l am a smaller person and that seems to work against me. There are studies that show that taller people earn more then shorter people. I even had supervisor talk down to me. But then sometimes people are quicker to show their true personality instead of hiding it especially if they are dishonest because they misjudged me.

Also, l don't always speak up and l am not always great at social skills and this can effect how people view you. So now l try harder (more masking).
 
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It happened all the time as a kid and into teen years.
I never knew how to reply with any quick sarcasm in return.
It just made me feel bad and think I must be ugly and crazy since other kids said these things.
Just like a Rudolph..."used to laugh and call me names." And never let me join in any childhood games.

It wasn't that I was lacking in intellect. Always ahead of the class on that one.
So it had to be something about the lack of social abilities and my looks.
Believe me, being tall for your age is just as bad as short. Giraffe girl, wear green and I'm Jolly Green Giant.
Braces and glasses. Yah, real beauty.
But, time can change looks and by 19 I was a model. Then there were more guys than I cared
to have hanging around.

Similar to @Nitro sign, my cousin gave me a coaster that sits it straight.
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I don't know what people think of me. I'm living in a foreign country with a different language and culture, I think people put my differences down to being foreign (so weird/different) or they think I don't know the language well.

I don't process social interaction as fast as most people, and am slow to reply and undertand in social situations, but that doesn't mean I can't be smart. Someone who knows me well once told me that he thought I was intelligent, but lacking in social skills.
 
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I get patronised a lot. It hasn't helped with my short temper and inability to process frustration in a seemingly healthy way.

Close friends call me weird - a lot. I shan't disagree with that statement, but sometimes it's said with an inflection which doesn't feel nice to hear.

My mum doesn't stop with patronising me. I'm noticing it a lot now that I'm living with them whilst the house sale goes through, and before I go onto my next home. I guess I was used to having a lot of privacy and that's out the window now.

People are quick to point out my mistakes. Happens a lot at work. Even though in this job they've loaded me up with 2 people's workloads for a 3% pay rise (what a bargain). So the stress, hectic pace etc. is bound to lead to more errors. Yet they rarely comment on how well I get other stuff done. Or how I can work at an abonormally fast pace and get more work done than anyone else on the team.

Thing is, when I get praise - it makes me feel very awkward and self conscious. Like with my art and photography etc.

So, whilst I don't process insults and patronising very well. I also can't seem to process praise in a healthy way. It makes me blush, and try and mask my smiles and I feel like I want to hide in my shell.

All rather odd. So I guess people who know me calling me a weirdo is a rather fitting description.

Ed
 
Yes most people underestimate me. It is human nature to measure or judge what another can do by what they view as your potentials. For some reason I win a lot of chess games that way.

John
 
We all with diagnosis have our stronger sides were we exceeds those not having any . As well as we have our shortcomings against those with no diagnose.
 
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