DogwoodTree
Still here...
I tend not to worry so much about awkward silences
Oh yes, the silences. I have a hard enough time feeling connected when there's verbal exchange going on...a back and forth. But the silences feel especially isolating, even though I actually enjoy silence when I'm alone. However, in a conversation, it still feels awkward and lonely, like I'm doing something wrong and offending the other person.
My therapist talked about this a little at my session this past week. He says that for many people, the silent spaces in the conversation can provide a sense of connection in a different way, and that it's okay to sit in silence sometimes. He says that a person who keeps needing to fill the silences is showing that they're anxious. But I told him it feels rude to me to not keep a conversation going. It's not that I don't like silence, because I do. But being quiet in someone's presence feels rude, like I'm ignoring them and it'll hurt their feelings.
I don't know if that's an aspie misunderstanding, or if that was trained into me by my codependent mother. I know my mom is offended if there are silences in our conversation. Even when I've explained that I sometimes need quiet when we're on long drives together, she gets her feelings hurt and complains about my silence to family members (happened just a couple of months ago). So then I'm even more afraid of allowing quiet time when anyone else is around.