Just a few thoughts I wanted to put out there (and I wasn't sure about posting this).
One of the most disturbing things about this condition for me is this debilitating sense of detachment, this strange sense of otherness which has always been there. Even as a small kid I always had this feeling that I wasn't quite playing with the same deck as other people. It wasn't always at the forefront of my mind but creeping around in the background ready to remind me when I did or said things that were out of tune. I'm relatively lucky in that I always had a small group of friends at school and was just seen as the mad eccentric one. I was also never bullied (I'm 6ft 3 and broad).
Of course you get older and eccentric becomes immature, the expectation to conform becomes more rigid and the sense of detachment became more acute. Entering the adult world was a real struggle and I became very quiet and shy. My way of dealing with it was to almost celebrate my difference. Long hair, bright clothes and a stubborn refusal to follow any trend. It's almost like I dealt with this 'otherness' by wearing it like a badge of honour. I don't try to be different I just am and that is a part of the way it manifests itself. If I'm honest I'm still the same now and stand out like a sore thumb where I live just by the way I look.
I was just wondering if anyone else can relate to this.
Eccentric is never immature, at least not in my head. I'm eccentric, largely for want of a better word. As I've got older, maybe because I was diagnosed late, my personal need to conform has lessened. People can get thoroughly f****d if they think I'm going to spend any more time feeling miserable about who I am on their behalf.
I got louder and harder to deal with probably, but I have people who see the worth in that, and the worth in me. I know I'm lucky, but even if no-one saw it, I'd do it anyway. I can be me and still like things everyone else likes. My reasons might be different, but it doesn't really matter.
I'm 5'2" and was bullied a lot, but now, at 36, I let it go and I try to forget.
Anyway, I can't celebrate my difference, I don't know any other way of being, and if I'm going to celebrate that then I have to celebrate every difference, and that's going to take up all my time. If I celebrated it my house would be full of cake and balloons every day. What I'd prefer to celebrate is being accepted for my differences, but I can't see it happening in my lifetime.
Sorry, that was a bit rambling and mad!