Cause of issue with eye contact??

[e79243]

I think I have an issue looking at someone in the eyes because I am trying to form a full sentence correctly and I think they can look through me and see how I feel? They will see in my eyes I do not feel confident about having a conversation and forming sentences and I have fear of saying the wrong thing again. What is your reason for having issues with looking at people in their eyes when talking?

 

[zoedundas]

Sometimes it's fine but sometimes it's too intense and I have to look somewhere else.

 

[Adora]

It just feels weird to me I sometimes can look for a bit then I have to look away though my eye contact is a bit better with my husband

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I find it difficult to listen to someone when they're talking and I also find it difficult to talk whilst making eye contact. These days I just don't make any eye contact, I just tend to stare at an inanimate object instead, I'm not too sure why I'm doing it now since I had the ability to make eye contact before I became severely ill but I think I prefer it this way.

Eye contact is a funny thing though. In Simon Baron-Cohen's book Autism and Asperger's Syndrome: The Facts he talks about neurotypical children needing to break eye contact in order to think during talking so you're kind of left thinking "well what exactly makes someone's eye contact autistic?" They say that many people with autism have difficulties making or maintaining good eye contact. So poor eye contact has to be like at least 60%/40%?

 

[DogwoodTree]

One thing I just realized...I think I'm afraid they'll see through my NT-ish facade if I make eye contact with someone. They'll see I'm not really interested in this superficial conversation, or that my heart is breaking inside because I feel so far away from everyone, or that my mind is busily engaged in a completely different topic than the one at hand, or whatever.

And I'm also afraid that if I look at their eyes, I'll see signs that they're just faking interest in me, that they're actually annoyed to have to be talking to me, or they're saying one thing while meaning something completely different but they don't recognize the discrepancy, or whatever. It's just too much information, and too confusing.

It's like their energy bores into my brain when we're making eye contact. I have to purposely shield myself energetically from them if I'm in a situation where I have to make more normal-looking eye contact (like for work).

 

[clg114]

Eye contact does not bother me, I just do not do it unless I think about it. I have to think about it when I am talking to a customer. I look them in the eye when I am explaining something to them so that I can get my point across. I also look them in the eye when they are talking to me. I have found that NTs do not think you are listening to them if you do not look them in the eye when they are talking to you, which is not true at all.

 

[Astroganga]

For me it is hard to explain but it is like eye contact is giving them some power over me, and I am afraid that power will be abused or they will reject me or hurt my feelings. I don't have as much problem making eye contact with cashiers or similar because they are strangers and we are not investing in each other in any way.

 

[Larisa]

I considered my difficulties with eye contact a lot and I caught fear to be seen through.
But I keep observing my thoughts and found that I have trouble with a lot of sensory stimuli because they are information. Every input of incoming information can be important and I can't 'tune it out' selectively: visual, audio, tactil and everything else. I get tired
And when I speak I can not simultaneously look at changing face and posture of a person and not be distracted from my thoughts I'm verbally formulating. There are two independent channels of incoming information: the topic of the conversation and behaviour of the person I discuss the topic with. I thought and observed and came to conclusion that I give the priority to the discussion, not the behaviour of the other person.
But then I noticed that all the wisdom about 'social skills' are about how to influence the opinion of the other people by interpreting their gestures, postures and 'reflecting' them, intimidating or making people to doubt their own opinion - not at all by logical argumentation in favour of different opinion (that is forced upon).
I think that in the world the very information is ranked lower than the presentation of it. Come to think of it - it's a huge loss for human community: the mass of useful information gets ignored because it's not presented in ribbons and catchy colours...
I try to look at the person I speak to time from time but my purpose is the exchange the vital information - not pleasing the ego of the person I talk to.

 

[tree]

 

[Moromillas Radec]

The only issue comes from others being uncomfortable with it, or just misunderstanding. If people go out of their way to misinterpret or take offence, there's not much you can do about that.

But the lack of eye contact, the act of looking away itself is normal human behaviour. And not just normal for AS people either.