I had a break up 4-5 months ago. He said several times we'd always be best friends, even if it didn't work out. Sadly since we were together, arguments escalated and it became like the opposite of best friends. Since the break up he hasn't read my messages or spoke to me. We started off as friends, then it developed into a relationship. He told me he had mild Asperger's when we were friends and I said I didn't notice anything different about him as I didn't. There was one time he offended me, but was quick to apologize. Then as we got into a relationship incidents started to happen more and more where he would say/do offensive things and then seem confused why I was upset or angry. He seemed more concerned with his own interests than mine unlike in the beginning. I felt like he wasn't the same person and was being invalidated, confused or even played. He had an overly dependant with his mother, and seemed irresponsible and immature in his ways. It would always go the same when I spoke up about what was bothering me. I said what I felt, he didn't get it, I explained some more... He apologized and claimed to understand because he wanted it to work; we both did so much.
But the same incidents kept happening, we kept fighting. I had to be honest that it wasn't working and nothing was going to change. He agreed and said we'd just keep hurting each other, we broke up. Part of me hoped he'd finally get it and he'd do whatever it took, as he had said every other time. He said 'can we just be friends?' At the time I said fine if you don't want to just try to be more considerate etc. He said he had tried all he could. The conversation was basically that until he said he couldn't do it anymore and that was the last I heard. Although I knew some about Asperger's it was only until we broke up that I researched in depth what it was and what being in a relationship with one truly involved and realised he did try all he could. I feel bad I didn't understand better, was so harsh to him and got angry. So I reached out and said I was sorry for being harsh, I didn't meant to blame him sometimes things just don't work out etc. He didn't read any of my messages, or speak to me after that. I'm sure he saw the first line saying I'd like to stay friends, and nothing.
I felt like I needed closure and answers, like he was annoyed with me and giving the silent treatment. So I got in contact with him mum, initially about him returning my property as he was not talking to me at all. She said he wanted to be friends but was just hurting as I was about the break up. So I told her basically what I'd said to him and I didn't want it to end like that or to argue and wanted to stay friends if he did. She said would pass it on the message.
Time went on, and still nothing from him. I spoke to her again and basically said that he didn't know what to say or how to say it, and didn't want to hurt me. Said he still spoke about the good times we had. It was not what I thought, that he was bitter towards me and ghosting or giving the silent treatment for reasons people usually do, and said good things about me rather than bad. I acknowledged that people don't know how to be after a relationship, and often don't stay friends because it's so difficult but I just didn't get why he couldn't be honest about if we could or not.
I know it's odd to message a grown man's parent, I just I'd messaged him 4-5 times to him and not read/heard anything and thought so may get answers. I'd said I wouldn't reach out anymore unless he did and deleted him on social medias.
So I guess my question is to people with AS and partners/exes who have been in a relationship with one. Does that resonate with you and have you had the same experience of an ex going completely silent after the break up or been the one to end things without seeking closure, trying to resolve things as friends etc. It's been months and I still think of him all the time, how do you get over that and let it go?
I have felt at times I made a mistake and thought what if I had more understanding. Even if I had eyes open, I think because I'm a sensitive person who has anxiety/depression, it proved too much for me and for him with his condition. I'm now able to see I was selfish at times and should have been more informed.
I guess I'm also wondering for people with AS, did you lose contact abruptly after a break up and what was going through your head after the break up? A couple of weeks after he seemed to be getting on with things, posting more online and all that. He soon befriended this chick again who caused problems in our relationship. She previously said she 'wished she had her chance' when we were together. We agreed it was best he ceased contact with her in our relationship. If he didn't want to hurt me, why act as such I'm wondering?I it easier for someone to get over a break up with AS or do you just put up a brave front and force yourself to get on with things and pretend like don't care at all?
But the same incidents kept happening, we kept fighting. I had to be honest that it wasn't working and nothing was going to change. He agreed and said we'd just keep hurting each other, we broke up. Part of me hoped he'd finally get it and he'd do whatever it took, as he had said every other time. He said 'can we just be friends?' At the time I said fine if you don't want to just try to be more considerate etc. He said he had tried all he could. The conversation was basically that until he said he couldn't do it anymore and that was the last I heard. Although I knew some about Asperger's it was only until we broke up that I researched in depth what it was and what being in a relationship with one truly involved and realised he did try all he could. I feel bad I didn't understand better, was so harsh to him and got angry. So I reached out and said I was sorry for being harsh, I didn't meant to blame him sometimes things just don't work out etc. He didn't read any of my messages, or speak to me after that. I'm sure he saw the first line saying I'd like to stay friends, and nothing.
I felt like I needed closure and answers, like he was annoyed with me and giving the silent treatment. So I got in contact with him mum, initially about him returning my property as he was not talking to me at all. She said he wanted to be friends but was just hurting as I was about the break up. So I told her basically what I'd said to him and I didn't want it to end like that or to argue and wanted to stay friends if he did. She said would pass it on the message.
Time went on, and still nothing from him. I spoke to her again and basically said that he didn't know what to say or how to say it, and didn't want to hurt me. Said he still spoke about the good times we had. It was not what I thought, that he was bitter towards me and ghosting or giving the silent treatment for reasons people usually do, and said good things about me rather than bad. I acknowledged that people don't know how to be after a relationship, and often don't stay friends because it's so difficult but I just didn't get why he couldn't be honest about if we could or not.
I know it's odd to message a grown man's parent, I just I'd messaged him 4-5 times to him and not read/heard anything and thought so may get answers. I'd said I wouldn't reach out anymore unless he did and deleted him on social medias.
So I guess my question is to people with AS and partners/exes who have been in a relationship with one. Does that resonate with you and have you had the same experience of an ex going completely silent after the break up or been the one to end things without seeking closure, trying to resolve things as friends etc. It's been months and I still think of him all the time, how do you get over that and let it go?
I have felt at times I made a mistake and thought what if I had more understanding. Even if I had eyes open, I think because I'm a sensitive person who has anxiety/depression, it proved too much for me and for him with his condition. I'm now able to see I was selfish at times and should have been more informed.
I guess I'm also wondering for people with AS, did you lose contact abruptly after a break up and what was going through your head after the break up? A couple of weeks after he seemed to be getting on with things, posting more online and all that. He soon befriended this chick again who caused problems in our relationship. She previously said she 'wished she had her chance' when we were together. We agreed it was best he ceased contact with her in our relationship. If he didn't want to hurt me, why act as such I'm wondering?I it easier for someone to get over a break up with AS or do you just put up a brave front and force yourself to get on with things and pretend like don't care at all?