Being told how I should feel lucky for being alive as a way to dismiss pain

[Au Naturel]

Why is it luck to be alive anyway

Live people have options.

 

[AprilR]

Because talking about negative things esp. Untreatable conditions make people feel helpless and sad and they don't like to feel sad so they try to find a fix for the problem without understanding that it might not have a fix.

 

[Knower of nothing]

Why is it luck to be alive anyway

You're being swept around by fate, but if you say you're glad where you end up you can feel like you are somewhat in control. Injecting gratitude into the inevitable is a method of relieving the anxiety of powerlessness. Otherwise it would be a naked confrontation with a horrible event you had to go through and couldn't foresee or prevent and may simply occur again. See it as a form of affirmation, not observation.

 

[2Fragile2TakeCriticism]

You're being swept around by fate, but if you say you're glad where you end up you can feel like you are somewhat in control. Injecting gratitude into the inevitable is a method of relieving the anxiety of powerlessness. Otherwise it would be a naked confrontation with a horrible event you had to go through and couldn't foresee or prevent and may simply occur again. See it as a form of affirmation, not observation.

Actually it doesn’t work that way. Expectations to show gratitude for something crappy that has happened to you is not a relief of anxiety. It’s pure emotional invalidation. If someone tells you to turn your pain into gratitude or something positive, that is gaslighting. Toxic positivity is more accurate to be honest.

When we talk about trauma, we are seeking someone to understand and relate to us instead of dismissal like the common man would. To dismiss one’s pain and expect them to be grateful translates to “your feelings do not matter! I don’t care if something else bad happens to you! I don’t even care if you die! You’re just complaining is all! I will throw stupid advice at you just so you’ll shut up and stop whining”.

I doubt you see what I mean. But regardless, this is still emotional invalidation, a toxic behavior that disregards one’s experience and a case of pure ignorance and selfishness. Disgusting.

 

[Knower of nothing]

Actually it doesn’t work that way. Expectations to show gratitude for something crappy that has happened to you is not a relief of anxiety. It’s pure emotional invalidation. If someone tells you to turn your pain into gratitude or something positive, that is gaslighting. Toxic positivity is more accurate to be honest.

When we talk about trauma, we are seeking someone to understand and relate to us instead of dismissal like the common man would. To dismiss one’s pain and expect them to be grateful translates to “your feelings do not matter! I don’t care if something else bad happens to you! I don’t even care if you die! You’re just complaining is all! I will throw stupid advice at you just so you’ll shut up and stop whining”.

I doubt you see what I mean. But regardless, this is still emotional invalidation, a toxic behavior that disregards one’s experience and a case of pure ignorance and selfishness. Disgusting.

My post was about the self-perspective, not something you put on others (though it can often translate to that as a way to preserve that perspective, then it becomes collective affirmation.)

 

[Fino]

Ohh, sounds like a complicated issue that may include a complex set of defense mechanisms for those who don't know God.

 

[Fino]

Live people have options.

I assume you mean that to be a positive thing. Why do you find that options are inherently good?

 

[Au Naturel]

I assume you mean that to be a positive thing. Why do you find that options are inherently good?

Because I have options, I can always choose the option that leads to greater satisfaction on my part. The most important option is always what to focus on. Maybe the option that needs to be focused on is ridding oneself of depression.

 

[Au Naturel]

Actually it doesn’t work that way. Expectations to show gratitude for something crappy that has happened to you is not a relief of anxiety. It’s pure emotional invalidation. If someone tells you to turn your pain into gratitude or something positive, that is gaslighting. Toxic positivity is more accurate to be honest.

When we talk about trauma, we are seeking someone to understand and relate to us instead of dismissal like the common man would. To dismiss one’s pain and expect them to be grateful translates to “your feelings do not matter! I don’t care if something else bad happens to you! I don’t even care if you die! You’re just complaining is all! I will throw stupid advice at you just so you’ll shut up and stop whining”.

I doubt you see what I mean. But regardless, this is still emotional invalidation, a toxic behavior that disregards one’s experience and a case of pure ignorance and selfishness. Disgusting.

Being unhappy about the past is just a trap. It doesn't exist anymore. Trauma is something to be overcome, not relived.

I question my interpretation of life all the time. It has become more frequent as I get older. New experiences, more free time to contemplate.

If everyone thinks I am wrong, I accept that I might just be wrong - even if they might be wrong too. Most of the time, people are neither completely right nor completely wrong about anything. They are limited by their narrow POV, and a person with a slightly different life story can come to a completely different conclusion. Both conclusions are equally valid within the limitations of the person's life experiences and ego.

 

[trustinnerwisdom]

I think it should be on the NT-list of phrases to say in certain situations. The phrases are often rather meaningless, but seem to be a comfort for NT people. I presume that the comfort is in that the phrases are repeated in around the same situations and in that the other person knows what to respond back.
And it may means nothing and everything.

I realised that most people can’t handle MY pains in a balanced way, so before I got used to mask it.
Nowadays I have minimised my pains, so much that I barely notice it. And I definitely avoid masking it.
Only extremely seldom, when I run over my own limits/boundaries,I get similar extreme pains as before.
Or when I hang out with a person with chronic pains, as an empath, I can feel her emotions/pains(usually I turn that skill off).

 

[trustinnerwisdom]

Toxic positivity strikes again. It is an extreme version of "look on the bright side."

Things could be worse, and it is reasonable to be thankful that things aren't. That doesn't take any of one's existing pain away. Pain needs to be treated, not ignored.

OTOH, one should not allow one's pain to define them. Even a person in pain needs to look for positive things in life. Empathy is the sharing of others' feelings. If all you have to share is pain, empathy won't be very rewarding for them.

That kind of talk implies that your feelings are unimportant to the person saying it. It lacks empathy. They would not say that to themselves if they were going through the same. I doubt they'd say it to their child, spouse, or even a friend.

I tried for years to look for positive things in life. I got really good at it!
But then I found out that the duality mindset is just a mindset. And I allowed everything to just be.