Aspie Boyfriend just break up with me. What now?

[ItaHelena95]

Just tell him how you feel and accept if he does not want to be with you. But he might! Tell him you love him and he may melt. But he may not. Keep us posted and I do wish you best of luck

I will, although I´m not sure I will answer him. As you said at the bigining... He already made it clear, so what´s the point?
Answering now will just probably put him in an uncomfortable position.

 

[Tom]

To me, since you love him, the only question needing answering is does he love you. The rest is just details.

 

[paloftoon]

The thing is, before we started, he was always complaining about not being able to find a girl who loved him. Well, here I am now, I didn´t plan to fall for him but thats what we get.
Then he asked me to start a serious relationship. I had many many doubts but he insisted and I eventually realized I was in love so I thought: what the hell, lets do it. Now he changes his mind. Is very confusing.
He thinks he is not ready because he is toxic, I don´t think he is, as I said, I was very happy. I don´t know if I should bring this up or just let him be and simply just don´t answer his message.

Don't tell him he is toxic unless he bothers you again. You should stop communicating with him and look for someone who wants to build a serious relationship. Wishy-washy people who don't know what they want or are too socially anxious for commitment are not attractive for a committed relationship. You can do better.

 

[The Pandector]

While I may be off track, I really feel sorry for this guy you love. I know that many people, when mortified, just want to go invisible; the reality of the situation is overwhelming. Now factor in that he's autistic. How mortifying to meltdown in front of someone who really matters to you! Of course he wants to disappear.

It is true that we need to accept and respect what people say. However, sometimes people trap themselves with words/decisions designed to self-protect, which is what it looks like to me. I find it promising that he contacted you again. That sounds like a concerned kindness, and a good start. And it's obvious that you care enough to see through to him.

Question: Do you think you can live with such behavior in the long term? Should he someday grow comfortable with you, it's still doubtful that he will abandon such behavior in general. Autism is not a hurdle the autist just jumps over, it's him. If you can look at that and still want to try, then it seems to me you ought to tell him exactly that. And it may be that he will take months to absorb and adjust to whatever he hears from you.

My NT wife loved me to her dying breath. What an unfathomable blessing to me that she was willing to work through the early uglies and the ongoing blizzard. Forty years. If it's true for you, then let this guy know that you loved him during and through that meltdown. It just may be exactly what he wants to hear, but fears it would be too good to be true. See if he'll let you prove it.

 

[ItaHelena95]

While I may be off track, I really feel sorry for this guy you love. I know that many people, when mortified, just want to go invisible; the reality of the situation is overwhelming. Now factor in that he's autistic. How mortifying to meltdown in front of someone who really matters to you! Of course he wants to disappear.

It is true that we need to accept and respect what people say. However, sometimes people trap themselves with words/decisions designed to self-protect, which is what it looks like to me. I find it promising that he contacted you again. That sounds like a concerned kindness, and a good start. And it's obvious that you care enough to see through to him.

Question: Do you think you can live with such behavior in the long term? Should he someday grow comfortable with you, it's still doubtful that he will abandon such behavior in general. Autism is not a hurdle the autist just jumps over, it's him. If you can look at that and still want to try, then it seems to me you ought to tell him exactly that. And it may be that he will take months to absorb and adjust to whatever he hears from you.

My NT wife loved me to her dying breath. What an unfathomable blessing to me that she was willing to work through the early uglies and the ongoing blizzard. Forty years. If it's true for you, then let this guy know that you loved him during and through that meltdown. It just may be exactly what he wants to hear, but fears it would be too good to be true. See if he'll let you prove it.

I already know he is like that. I told him I know about his ASD and I just don´t care. It´s him, I like him just as he is. Okay, yes, he is differet in some aspects, but I like it. I like that he can talk ofr hours about the things he is passionate about and that he never sugar coat things... It´s different, but eventhough he want´s to change, I like it the way it is.
But last time I told him he just said that I just pretend it doesnt exist. I just don´t know what else to do.
Today I answered him and I´m afraid I screw again because I told him that we all are scared of opening to people, that it is terrifying for every human being and that it takes time. You can´t pretend to be completely open to someone in just two months.
It´s like every time I´m trying to express myself with him I have mental diarrea.