Asperger's and marriage

[Dragon's Tooth]

I was wondering if there were people out there who could post about long term relationships they have had and if they have been successful (particularly the successful ones). When I was diagnosed my husband took it hard and it didn't help we found a fifty page document on the internet that said I would be an emotional invalid for the rest of my life and that the chances of success (our definition of success being until death do we part) being virtually nil. I was wondering if there are any success stories out there.

So far me and my husband are doing well, he took a few days after the diagnosis and accepted that even though I had this label it didn't really change who I was. He had been with me for nearly three years at this point and he knew what he was in for so to speak. We both realized if it had really been an issue we wouldn't have gotten married. I think now it helps my husband to understand why I might do some weird things (like I don't like letting store people look in my bag for instance) and I think it helps him to deal with my quirks.

There is a lot of negativity out there about asperger's people having successful marriages and so on so I was hoping to find some examples of positive relationships. I guess I just want to reassure myself and my husband that what a doctor decides is true for asperger's people is not necessarily true for everyone.

 

[OutsideIn]

My husband and I have been together 27 years, and married for 25. I have Asperger's and he's NT. It hasn't always been easy but we both agree that it's worth it. Since I found out that I have Asperger's earlier this year, we've been making some adjustments in how we communicate based on my research. That's helped a lot as has being able to have a reason for some of the things about me that are unusual. But like you said, we're the same people we were before we got labeled and if our husbands loved us then, what does being labeled change?

It sounds like your husband is very willing to accommodate your quirks and work with you to keep the relationship healthy so I wouldn't pay much attention to all of the negativity. It's possible to have asperger's and be in a happy relationship if you find the right partner.

 

[smith2267]

I'm pretty sure Soup's married. Soup?

 

[Dragon's Tooth]

thanks outsidein for that ... My husband is very supportive. There is a lot around that suggests asperger's people end up alone more often than not so sometimes its good to hear the positive rather than the negative

 

[poey]

Hi Dragon's Tooth.

I have been with my partner since 1997. We finally got married in 2010. She is Neurotypical, i am aspie.
I don't know if the fact that we are a same sex couple has anything to do with the fact we do so well or if it is because we simply talk about everything... We communicate all the time to make sure that everything is ok with each of us at all times when we're together.

She has accepted me for my developmental disabilities, and i've accepted her physical disabilities. So we have something in common. She knows my quirks too, and for your husband to deal with your quirks and be supportive, i believe that you're on the right track and it sounds like you're in a good place.

Glad you're here, and great topic!

-p

 

[Cerulean]

I met my husband in 2010, we were engaged within two months, and got married just over a year ago. We found out about my Aspergers over the summer. He's been very supportive, I'm incredibly lucky. I'll post more when I'm not at work.

 

[imagesbyholly]

Successful marriage here too. Nine years. Ups and downs related to aspergers and more not related. It can be done, and it can be happy- don't give up hope! Also, once a marriage is "seasoned," which happened for us maybe the 7-8 year mark, things get really nice. I would encourage anyone who has only been married a few years to be patient and keep trying. I think it's definately worth it. Working together through difficulties and sharing all the special moments really does something special for your heart and your character. Also, being with him for so long (14 years really) has helped me with my problem of dissociating (feeling like people are not real, or feeling like I suddenly don't know them anymore). He started out being insensitive, but he has become an really wonderful guy. We laugh together alot, and we have learned to purposefully enjoy the things the other loves. Like long drives for him, and dancing to mexican music in the livingroom for me (and many other things). Be patient with eachother. Life is hard even without aspergers.

Maybe you were already planning on this, but it might be a good idea to share some of these success stories with him. Blessings!

 

[flikflak]

I'm about to marry my Aspie fiance. I find it very reassuring to read about these successful NT / Aspie marriages.

Knowing that he is Aspie has helped us both in understanding our different perspectives on things, and learning how to live with one another.

We've been together for 2 years - I'm looking forward to building a happy life together, can't wait to marry him!

 

[tree]

flikflak

 

[Jimbo]

I've been married for 26 years. My wife new I got the brain from the abnormal jar before we were married. We just accept each others quirks and make it work. It gets easier as the years go by. You reach a point where you realize you can't change the person and getting a new spouse trained would be too much trouble.

I just figured out 2 years ago I was an aspie. At least now I have an excuse.