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Are you able to cry?

G

Ghoul

Member
My first post, hy
I'm 31 male UK, I'm not sure if I have aspergers but someone that does have similar traits with me and I know something is different ever since childhood but if I do have it, maybe it's very low on the spectrum.

Still considering going to doctors to confirm either way, though I believe process is long anyway back to my original question.

When I was young lots of things others did naturally I had to, well my brain had to see how others do it. Almost like imitation.

My brain picked up from somewhere that crying is seen as a weakness in males.I wanted to be strong so whenever I got the feeling of crying I reinforced my belief and consciously tried to shun that emotion.

So now I can't cry, or don't cry.. I don't know if it's a psycological conditioning or part of my aspergers?

The last time I cried was early teens. There have been times when I'm really upset and I learnt crying is like an outlet, I've seen others cry and then they seem to fell better.

I've experimented and tried to force myself to cry by thinking about something really sad. This feeling bubbles up inside me, my eyes water but I can't control the emotion, it's gets to intense and I can't grab onto it, it just fizzles. This was before I thought I might be on the autism spectrum. So I'm curious is this a normal trait for aspergers? Does anybody else have the inability to cry it feel intense emotions.

Thanks for having me.
 
Ghoul said:
My brain picked up from somewhere that crying is seen as a weakness in males.I wanted to be strong so whenever I got the feeling of crying I reinforced my belief and consciously tried to shun that emotion.

So now I can't cry, or don't cry.. I don't know if it's a psycological conditioning or part of my aspergers?

So I'm curious is this a normal trait for aspergers? Does anybody else have the inability to cry it feel intense emotions.

Thanks for having me.
Click to expand...

There's some discussion about the behavior of crying here:
https://www.aspiescentral.com/threads/crying.12629/

Post #33 includes a link to an article about men & crying and
how perception of that has changed.
 
Welcome, and interesting topic.

I am a diagnosed Aspie male in my 40's, and I cry. Sappy movies, weddings, heartfelt platitudes, funerals. I will even breakdown and cry out of my own misery. So it is not necessarily an Aspie trait, I suppose.

I think I also went through a stage in my teens where I thought it was weak to cry. I think that is common in young males. I know that I still cried, but developed a strategy to not let it show, but the impulse to cry was intact. That feeling that wells up and starts the eyes to water. I still try not to cry when others are around, or if they are, I'll try to hide it. Even in these supposedly enlightened times, you'll still get mocked for crying.

There have been times in my life where I have absolutely broken down sobbing. My mothers death, divorce from first wife, that sort of thing. It is a release, but I don't know what it releases exactly. I don't really understand the whole "emotional expression" thing, how to do it properly, how much is too much, what happens when you stifle them. Lots of people consider me kind of bland and emotionless, but that is not so. Only my expression of emotions are bland. I still feel them very strongly.
 
The strange thing is I actually cried for the first time about 4 months ago. Someone really upset me and I tried really hard for that person and thought I was wrong done. I Coudnt control it, it took about half an hour to keep going over the situation and then the tears came.

This was a revalation, I could actually cry, all it took was something intense to trigger it. It was strange though inwardly I was a wreck but my mind was still alert, took in that I was crying but confused.

Also I forgot to mention that I sometimes cry in my sleep.

I do understand the past where people think your emotionless, to an extent it's true but I still register emotion inside, just I can't express it in words or body language sometimes. I do believe that can be worked on by improving self esteem I think.

I've lived with it half my life so have adjusted or accepted that I am who I am no point crying over it. Lol

Thanks for your reply, this is a warm community and I'm glad I found you.
 
Lately, I think it might just be my stress/anxiety/depression level or the medication I dunno but I tear up all the time.
 
I don't cry enough, and then when I do, it feels like being garrotted--the absolute focus on continuing to breathe, and indifference to anything else, while wires cross my throat. But afterwords, there's no energy left, and that feels much better.
 
To be honest, I don't think it's an "Asperger" trait but a "man" trait.

Pretty much every man doesn't want to be seen crying and many of them never or rarely do. I recognize the feeling you describe very well, considering I rarely ever cry either.

Every human being handles their emotions differently, being able or unable to cry really isn't a pro or a con, you will probably have different ways of dealing with built up stress, as does everybody.

So no, it's not an Asperger trait. So many people feel bad about crying in public and try to force that to not happen, some people are just better at holding it in as others and there is no shame in being unable to cry.

Also the ability to cry at will is tricky and even many actors aren't very good at it, so don't see it as a bad thing either to not be able to do it
 
Welcome fellow uk citizen ( despite me not living there any more lol).

Yes, I am able to cry, but can go for long periods when I do not cry. Things that cause tears to well: are other ones who are not given to tears, but breakdown due to feeling overwhelmed. Nearly losing my best friend to potential suicide and the only way I felt was to forgo our friendship, so that she can find happiness else where ( long story).

I cry mostly when angry ( hate that) or frustration, but not that often!
 
I can cry, but not when I feel like it.

If I'm watching a movie with a sad scene for example, I can cry. But if I'm in a mood where you just want to lay down and cry, I cannot, and it makes me want to cry even more.
 
Thanks guys :)

Pandorum now I remember, sometimes I watch a movie and there'll be a really sad moment and again my eyes will water, my throat feels weird and I feel sad but can't cry. Sometimes I feel it's unfair, I want to experience that emotion to feel connected with other people but then I just reason my way out of it.

Also judging by the post I've got my answer its not a universal trait. Or a high percentage trait.

Even before I thought I had aspergers I used to like watching movies with a character with aspergers, never thought I might fit into that category lol. You guys talk like any other people, not how movies depict it lol.
 
I used to cry quite a bit in my early teens but over the past two years or so, I've not been able to.
I've never cried at a film, I sometimes watch sad films to try to do it because I find the concept of crying at a film strange. I sometimes get close, I feel the lump in my throat but then it's like I swallow it and it goes away?
In rl situations, I can still get very low sometimes but I just don't cry anymore. Recently I had my heart broken by a guy (I was smitten and it seemed very mutual then one day he just disappeared without saying goodbye and I haven't heard from him since). I felt as low as I did when I used to cry but I just couldn't, it's weird. My step mum says I'm emotionless which kind of hurts, ironically.
I do cry in my sleep sometimes though. I'm not sure why, I just wake up with wet eyes and a vague memory of crying.
 
Geoo98 thanks for sharing, sorry to hear about your relationship. Your young so you'll surely meet many more people.

I was curious about situations like yours, if I was with someone and something bad happened will I cry? I wish I do, sometimes I feel like crying shows how much you care, though if that was the case I don't care that much??

I live crying in my sleep because I live the stories my mind creates fit me to cry lol. After I wake up from crying in my sleep I feel calmer.

Does it bother or concern you that you might not be able to cry ever again?
 
I don't think crying is a prominent way of showing that you care so I wouldn't worry about it too much if I was you :)
I'm not sure how I feel about maybe not being able to cry again, I try not to think about it too much. Part of me likes to believe it makes me feel stronger but that's not necessarily true haha because I don't actually have control haha.
 
I can cry, but I don't do it very often. I cry during a meltdown, but not at movies or sad news or something like that. Crying is something that comes from within, not in response to an external source.
 
I cry in real life when I'm overwhelmed with life challenges (like working load that is drowning me, problems I'm afraid I can't cope with) and my resulting anger at myself.
Sometimes I cry when I reflect and re-consider my past experience (for example, if I suddently realize that I REALLY was betrayed and abused - like by my parents or someone else I trusted)
Sometimes I cry when I hear song, watch movie or read book - but I got accustomed to seek and pinpoint my real experience that was triggered by the scene from the song/movie/book.
Sometimes I cry out of my helplessness - when someone I care for suffers.
But I'm so tensed and attentive in the process of communicating with another human being that I hardly can react emotionally right away, but I can become tearful as soon as I get to my private safety zone.
I don't know if my rambling makes sense and can be useful to anyone else here but I feel like sharing :)
 
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