anyone else told that they are smart but nothing to show for it

[Kupu2]

I've often been told that I'm very smart and talented and people are jealous of how easy I can grasp new things. What's ****** about that is that when I fail at something, it's immediately chalked down to laziness, lack of effort or lack of motivation. Failing due to perfectionism and mental health issues is apparently not possible when you're smart and talented.
Not to mention that the bar's been set incredibly high by family and friends. They all expected me to be a brilliant doctor at age 24, yet here I am, almost 31, still struggling to get my Master's degree in medicine. I'm about to start my final year for the third time and I could scream at everyone that tells me I should just put in a little more effort this time.

Not that I'm not grateful for my gifts, it's just that they're not an automatic key to success and my tendency to think about everything has made me an existential nihilist since childhood, which doesn't make for the best conversations at the dinner table

Yes! I get where you are coming from. My eldest son is staying the same as you. Alas, the very Aussie way we have of dealing with that is to say, "Get stuffed!".

In all seriousness, it is frustrating. People wonder why you are so brilliant, yet you are not allowed human traits. Don't waste your talents, right??

 

[Bolletje]

Yes! I get where you are coming from. My eldest son is staying the same as you. Alas, the very Aussie way we have of dealing with that is to say, "Get stuffed!".

In all seriousness, it is frustrating. People wonder why you are so brilliant, yet you are not allowed human traits. Don't waste your talents, right??

Never waste your talents, and always allow others to live vicariously through you. Hurrah!

 

[dom]

.

 

[midlife aspie]

What sort of field does this describe?
I am entirely unable to imagine any type of work
that values acquaintanceship over knowledge & skill.

All of them, but especially those most in demand. Politics figure large, and the schools themselves push the importance of 'networking'. This is why sites such as linkedin are so prominent. It's not so much what is officially valued, but how and to whom job candidates are able to market themselves.

 

[Judge]

All of them, but especially those most in demand. Politics figure large, and the schools themselves push the importance of 'networking'. This is why sites such as linkedin are so prominent. It's not so much what is officially valued, but how and to whom job candidates are able to market themselves.

The best jobs I ever had were largely the result of who I knew. Not what I knew. Probably saved me a lot of stress compared to the normal rigors of being interviewed and tested in a very competitive situation.

In one instance they even waved an entrance exam. I just had to consent to employment. Luckily my departmental coworkers never knew.

 

[paloftoon]

I've had the hardship to get all my jobs where I did not know anyone at all. You have to somehow stand out among the rest in positive ways. Being able to think outside of the box with the unique personalities we have can be a small, unique strength in these interviews depending on the context. Try to stay positive and courteous, but be as "prepared" as possible for odd curveballs people may do because remember, everyone is only human too.

I had to fail at many interviews and get lucky at a few. Try to study about the place beforehand. If you have to do too many, consider turning down a few that you don't want or using them for practice. The ones you use for practice, don't study up on them unless you have time.

 

[xudo]

I was told throughout school that I was smart, and when I left school I went to uni. It's dawned on me more recently that it was sort of never said but just expected that I would go on to higher education.

I did a degree in something I was (mostly) interested in, because I wanted to study psychology as it absolutely fascinated me since I had done it for A-levels. However, I was turned down for the uni in my city, as when I applied, I did not have a GCSE in maths. I was accepted to the next closest uni, but had to do a course that wasn't straight psychology. I could have gone to one further away, but just getting to the one I did go to was stressful enough. I lived at home while at uni, as I had no intention of moving out to an unfamiliar place. I did get my degree, but only a 3rd. My parents didn't say anything but I know they were disappointed that I didn't do better. I know I could have done better too, but it was all so overwhelming and that affected me.

After uni, I couldn't find a job for a while and then eventually became an office junior at a solicitors. Worst job I've ever had (not that I've had many). I didn't ever think about getting a job to do with my degree, either before, during or after it..I just wanted to learn more about a subject that interested me. I haven't worked since I injured my back during the office job, and the thought of having to work fills me with abject terror. People still tell me that I'm clever, but I do think they often wonder why I don't do anything with it like everyone else.

 

[Mr Allen]

I have Uni level certificates in programming and web design, but I can't get a job in IT because I'm too old. they want youngsters fresh out of College so they can "mould" them into the Corporate world.

 

[Progster]

Yes, when I was growing up, I was considered to be smart, but I had social issues, problems with organisation and tidiness, and difficulty controling mood/temper. So in middle school, I started to have problems and got way behind, so they wanted to put me in a slow learner's class. My parents were very angry with me, because they thought that I was lazy, not trying and not applying myself. To be honest, I could have tried harder, but I tended, at that stage, not to apply myself to things that didn't interest me, and the social/mood/attention/oranisation issues due to my (undiagnosed) Asperger's and possible ADHD, were not my fault.

In high school, I started to focus much more on my schoolwork and got good grades. I later found employment but had problems keeping it, and again, I was told that I am lazy.

I don't know what my IQ is because I was never formally tested. I have a good long term memory, and was always a fast learner: I learned to read at an early age and had a wide vocabulary, picked up new things, including foreign languages, very quickly. But I doubt that I would come in the 'gifted' range. Although I understand readily, I work slowly and was always slow to complete tasks. I was always the last one to finish at school, and never managed to finish a task before the teacher told us to stop working. I found timed tasks difficult because I never had time to finish and I felt that I was put at an unfair disadvantage. If I were to take a timed IQ test, I probably wouldn't do that well on it for this reason. Yet I had good school grades and a post-graduate degree, so I don't think that I'm stupid, logically I must have at least average intelligence, probably slightly higher.

 

[Aeolienne]

I've been told that my lack of success with romantic relationships is down to my being "too intelligent" which baffles me, as I know of any other women who are far more accomplished than me who still manage to attract men. Whereas I, despite having a MSc in a STEM subject from a Russell Group university, have never risen above an entry-level position, have been dismissed on performance grounds (not made redundant) three times and now earn less than what my mother did over 20 years ago.

When I was filmed for Employable Me the programme-makers clearly had an agenda to slap a "special talent" label on each participant. In my case this was the ability to recite random strings of numbers from memory. I fail to see how this is anything other than a party trick.

 

[MrSpock]

I am entirely unable to imagine any type of work
that values acquaintanceship over knowledge & skill.

I worked in a nightclub for several years, worked my way up to tending the busiest bar in the club, more senior bartenders would not work that station because it was too busy for them, although they had more knowledge they didn't have my ability to pour drinks so efficiently.

There was a change in management and about half of the staff were 'let go' through BS paperwork trickery, none of us was actually 'fired' and we weren't given reasons. My numbers were incomparable, I highly suspect that I was essentially fired for lack of social skills with staff and/or customers. I highly suspect that I've lost other jobs for similar reasons.

There are positions I'd never have tried for (I just know better) which are primarily social-skill based, such as staffing an information booth, the person who greets and seats people at restaurants. If I were to volunteer at a place that receives calls from people thinking of committing suicide I might effectively become a serial killer without intending to.

I am fifty years old, and only in the last two years I've learned more about how socially disadvantaged I am than in the previous forty-eight. It's possible that having the social life that I do (sub-par, but who knows how much worse it could have been) is a remarkable accomplishment requiring a towering intellect given the disadvantages I have. The disadvantages interfere with the application of intellect to society in many ways, and interaction is required to gain many skills, for example one can be kicked out of school for reasons having nothing to do with academic ability. It's therefore very difficult to accurately gauge the disadvantages and therefore the accomplishment.

Here's a positive assessment. Newton was very smart. He's dead, I'm not. I win.

 

[Sloth]

I definitely can relate to this topic. To a large degree every day I feel the shame of disappointing the expectations of me, and most importantly, I am currently failing my own expectations. Was extremely high-functioning and achieving in school, but as my condition got worse, it all took a nosedive in college. I realized also that a lot of the things I had done and chosen, like my major, the schools I applied to (and got rejected from), etc. were all done not because I actually wanted to but because I was trying to fulfill expectations, glad to say that I have moved past that. I'd be happy at the moment if I could just get back on track and live independently with a stable job, don't feel much motivation to be the best at anything anymore.

First a clear goal, then a single-, almost bloody-, minded determination to achieve that goal. Smarts can be helpful, but they don't seem to necessary; at least, not smarts as commonly understood..

I whole- heartedly agree with this, I think confidence, drive, and passion is the most important determining factor in success. Intelligence can be useful sometimes, but can also be a great detriment. I have historically been able to achieve difficult things when motivated... but I always lacked true passion. I think the fact that acceptance officers could sniff that out is the primary reason I got rejected from all the colleges I applied to, for example.

 

[Aeolienne]

People (especially relatives) call me "clever" for remembering facts. Surely it's the application of knowledge that makes someone clever / smart / intelligent, not merely the retention? After all, there are plenty of people who can rattle off sporting statistics but they don't get called geniuses.

One cousin of my parents' generation gushed over me (even saying that I had "the memory of an elephant") for remembering that there was a tennis court in her garden. So what? I've visited her house any number of times. It would be more surprising if I didn't remember that detail.

 

[Zuliac]

In school, I am consistently above-average without really trying. It makes me feel a bit lazy because I am sure I could be even more, perhaps marketably, more intelligent if I really put the time and effort into it.

I think I have been so successful academically because my aspie obsession is learning. I just want to know how things work. (Take heart bad-grade earners. It was not always this way, but I was able to reason my way into using my interest in learning to make good grades.)

Unfortunately, it has gotten to a point where I do not really know how to do anything else. I have three degrees and a couple of certificates in everything from medicine to business to pastry chef-ery.

This lack of focus means I change interests, and therefore jobs, quite often, making me seem unaccomplished and unsuccessful according to accepted social norms. I get bored generally after about 4 months, leading to decreased productivity and a withdrawal from my coworkers. I usually leave just short of a year.

The important thing, in my opinion, is that I have noticed the pattern and now, knowing that I have Asperger's, can try to adapt the skills and education I have gained to achieve my goals and definition of success (Step 1: stay out of poverty. Step 2: love what you do. Step 3: be amazing at it.).

My poor follow-through may be a result of fearing imperfection, as you mentioned. I don't want to be bad at anything, especially if that is going to be the focus of my life's work. At the same time, I will never achieve perfection without sticking with something with the determination to be the best.

 

[Mr Allen]

That phrase..."nothing to show for it". That implies someone's sense of values from the outset.

What if they aren't really YOUR values in the first place ?

In such matters it's ultimately what YOU think about your own accomplishments or shortcomings. Not anyone else or the "benchmarks" they use to determine their success or failures.

That's the point though, I kind of HAVE accomplished a few things, the main one I'm still working on is getting a job.

I've done a considerable amount of voluntary work, but it literally doesn't pay anything, especially when some Barmpot woman from Remploy accused me of LYING about every word of my CV because I didn't (and still don't) have any named references.

 

[Judge]

That's the point though, I kind of HAVE accomplished a few things, the main one I'm still working on is getting a job.

I've done a considerable amount of voluntary work, but it literally doesn't pay anything, especially when some Barmpot woman from Remploy accused me of LYING about every word of my CV because I didn't (and still don't) have any named references.

In "the big picture" that's what counts. What YOU think. Not what the rest of this world thinks or assumes. In your own best interest, you might consider abandoning the social pressure of allowing work to define you.

Something I personally gave up many years ago, around when I was your age. When I discovered that thinking along such conventional lines simply was of no help to me. In fact, it amounted to a form of bad mental health to continue to make such assumptions.