Any advice to become antisocial and not talkative anymore?

[Tony Ramirez]

All it has gotten me as been betrayed and people who say they care for me but really use me at the end.

I want to become less talkative to the point where I use to be that I don't talk to people and just nod my head. I want to remain quiet. I am tired of trying to make friends when they really are not friends. I only find neurodiverse people are actually friends that I can relate too.

 

[Xinyta]

I know exactly what you want.

You seek socail zombification. To block out people and the world. To limit yourself to basic survival needs. To live a endless hell of isolation, where no one and nothing matters.

That is the kiss of death for your mental health.

I cannot say how close to being over the edge I was. But I had to be practically at the razor's edge of fully losing it, before I started living with my Uncle.

Do you really want that? Breaking yourself down to nothing, til you snap?

I sure as heck, don't.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I'm just tired of putting my trust in normals then getting screwed every time by getting kicked out ostracized not invited to the group not being deep enough crap excuse or other then trying to make new friends that are really pretending once I disclose my autism or really figure it out because they know I am different then a risk.

 

[thejuice]

I have become better at not sharing compromising information and if i find myself doing it i abruptly stop mid sentence, no apologies.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I have become better at not sharing compromising information and if i find myself doing it i abruptly stop mid sentence, no apologies.

I wish I can do that but once I start talking I now can't stop and often over share trauma or info dump on one subject.

 

[thejuice]

• S- Stop. Remember to pause.
• T- Take a few breaths. This gives us time to notice the stimulus.
• O- Observe your present state without judging it. What are you feeling or thinking in this moment? Whatever you are feeling is ok.
• P- Proceed with awareness. Having paused to notice what’s happening, we can then choose how to respond, rather than just reacting automatically.

 

[Hypnalis]

Did something specific happen?

Regarding trauma dumping and other things best handled carefully:

It's time for you to learn to speak some "NT"

Learning what not to say is important. If all someone does is talk about their problems, they're only going to get on well with "caring personalities". You won't be introduced to anyone else, because a lot of people have a low tolerance for other peoples' unresolvable problems.

But people, specially aspies, talk about what's interesting to themselves. So you need something other than you to talk about.

Prepare topics that are not you and your problems. Find some other things to talk about, and learn how to talk about them,

Think back to when you weren't meeting people, and you were advised to find some multi-person activities that have a low threshold for social interaction. And you fought against that advice for a long time.
It was good advice all along though

So first you need to reflect on what you need to achieve now (i.e. have interesting topics that aren't you and your problems. Then ask for some ideas.

And this time, do what's suggested

 

[jsilver256]

Learning what not to say is important. If all someone does is talk about their problems, they're only going to get on well with "caring personalities". You won't be introduced to anyone else, because a lot of people have a low tolerance for other peoples' unresolvable problems.

But people, specially aspies, talk about what's interesting to themselves. So you need something other than you to talk about.

Prepare topics that are not you and your problems. Find some other things to talk about, and learn how to talk about them,

Yeah, it's weird but if you eavesdrop into NT's conversations, it almost never wanders into these territories except lightly. Maybe they'll talk about health problems (as an annoyance) or the latest thing their kid did, but never past trauma. It might be beneficial to listen to a convo and intellectually compare against what you've talked about in the past.

As far as I can figure, most NT friendships involve a heavy degree of masking on the NT part and tend to be activity/interest oriented. It might seem shallow in a sense but they do genuinely get a lot of satisfaction out of it.

 

[Hypnalis]

(I'm a bit confused about the use of "NT" in the last paragraph)

But yes, I agree. NT men talk little about problems, and a lot about activities and interests (there's an intersection there where the activity is to solve a problem). NT women talk much more about feelings, relationships, and problems than NT men. But they also have protocols to limit "problem sharing".

By the way the evidence that M & F think, prioritize, and communicate differently is very solid (though the facts are not universally popular

What people who aren't naturally chatty need is some "interesting" thing(s) to talk about that isn't themselves.

e.g. for M-M discussions in a sports bar, you can talk about the games indefinitely and everyone will depart happy later on.

There are also many possible topics for Any-Any discussions. FWIW at least half of the topics I use IRL are things I'm interested in because I'm an Aspie. We have a different way of seeing the world. It's not always convenient for us, but if it's well delivered it 's interesting for (some) NTs.

 

[Xinyta]

As far as I can figure, most NT friendships involve a heavy degree of masking on the NT part and tend to be activity/interest oriented. It might seem shallow in a sense but they do genuinely get a lot of satisfaction out of it.

NTs have a innate skill to not share aspects of themselves, for certain. From the outside looking in, it looks like masking. Though that comes from our understanding of trying to functionally connect to NTs and thier world.

To them. It's more likely about socially being agreeable and not sharing details, where they have no business being discussed. It's all part of the socail structure they just seem to understand innately.

So using 'masking' as a way to describe what they are doing, isn't exactly wrong. But it's something that seems to be more complex with them. And it really isn't something we really will have a capacity of fully understanding. Not out of a lack of trying, mind you.

 

[Judge]

All it has gotten me as been betrayed and people who say they care for me but really use me at the end.

I want to become less talkative to the point where I use to be that I don't talk to people and just nod my head. I want to remain quiet. I am tired of trying to make friends when they really are not friends. I only find neurodiverse people are actually friends that I can relate too.

Seriously the best advice I can give you is to put a complete halt to how easy it appears for you to so quickly open up to much of anyone and tell them of all your troubles.

Humans- not defined by NT or ND considerations can be predatory and transactional. It's just who and what we are as a species. Meaning that if you're so prone to sticking your neck out to others even with honesty and sincerity, there's a likelihood that people will quickly grow tired of hearing your woes and abandon you. Leaving you to lament your life, and yet repeat this cycle of behavior, tragically thinking there's always someone out there who wants to hear your plight and problems.

In essence, it's not that you need to cut yourself off from people as it is to change how you interact with them. With consideration to two things which you may find very difficult to achieve:

1) Be genuinely friendly. To be positive and upbeat on a consistent basis.
2) Not to "infoshare" your problems. To learn to give- and not simply take from people, without a sense of urgency and appearing "needy".

People may be willing to listen to you, but that they will turn your back on you when they determine this is all you have to offer. A response I might add that isn't exclusive to just NTs.

And consider your first inclination was to visit this site to get the consensus of others. If you want to be isolated from people, you have to act accordingly. To make decisions unilaterally, without any consensus of others. In my own opinion, I have observed people on the spectrum who could be defined in one of two ways:

Those who crave solitude and practice social isolation, versus those who cannot. In essence not all of us are truly introverts. Some are extroverts and always seeking the companionship of others. You strike me as being the latter, while autistic persons like myself reflect the former. Differences that (IMO) are the inherently a result of who we are from birth. In other words, you can't simply learn to be introverted if it's not your natural state of being. -Autistic or not.

Leaving items 1 & 2 listed above as your most likely alternatives. Things you are probably more able to learn compared to leading a life of isolation, which I suspect is simply not in your nature. And yes, I can think of two other members of this community I would probably say the same to. That you are not alone in this respect.

You don't want to be "antisocial". It simply isn't who you really are.

 

[Wolfnox]

Watch Batman cartoons it’s worked for me.

 

[Seladon]

OP please don't go mute and cut yourself off. It's what I've done with some members of my extended family and some old childhood/school friends, and it's surprisingly, shockingly, sadly difficult to go back on it and explain that it was only a defense mechanism coming from a place of woundedness.

ND and ASD people take it personally and seriously if you give them the silent treatment, stonewall and cold-shoulder (signs of abusive communication, btw), leaving you alone to your misery for good if that's what you signal you want. And why shouldn't they take you at your apparent word? It's a major and usually final act to shut down on someone.