anger about not looking for a "cure"

[Questella]

So my dude seems to be more than little peeved that I have this condition and I'm not trying to cure it or fix it.

(Don't you just hate it when you're legitimately trying to say something and your mind just goes blank?)

I guess what I'm trying to ask is maybe some tips on helping myself so he's not so mad about this all the time or perhaps a way to talk to him and explain to him that it's not something that can just magically be changed or fixed and even if I did have a "cure" would 'I' even be 'me' anymore or some new crossbred person.

I haven't told anybody else and I don't even know if telling my mom is something I can deal with.

Ironically I said it to my dad once and he was more or less, "yeah, I knew," though back in my school days he couldn't deal with the school and drs and refused to have anything to do with my schooling or special ed problems (I was only diagnosed with ADHD and put on medicines that apparently all I did after that was sit in the corner for hours at a time not bothering anybody, which I guess was part of the point.)

 

[Questella]

I'm sorry I should of done a search before this because now I'm seeing several "similar threads" that I could look at so it's okay if you all want to delete this thread...

 

[NiceCupOfTea]

Unless you're dumping on him all the time with your woes, it's literally none of his business. Tell him to sod off.

 

[Questella]

Unless you're dumping on him all the time with your woes, it's literally none of his business. Tell him to sod off.

Yeah, I pretty much am, it's part of the reason I googled, "aspergers forum" and found this place just recently. Him and my two year old son are the only people I'm around 29 days of the month.

I used to spend lots of time on other forums, though they were always for nerd things and only stayed active while the things were popular.

 

[King_Oni]

Guess the bigger issue is; how much does your ASD affect your relationship with him? And if it's even impacting, is it something you can even "fix"? Not everything people think that's an issue when you're on the spectrum is something that can and will be "fixed"... regardless on whatever you consider being "cured"

 

[NiceCupOfTea]

Yeah, I pretty much am, it's part of the reason I googled, "aspergers forum" and found this place just recently. Him and my two year old son are the only people I'm around 29 days of the month.

I used to spend lots of time on other forums, though they were always for nerd things and only stayed active while the things were popular.

Eh, at least you're honest...

The problem with dumping on other people is that most of them can't take it for very long. They may start out by being sympathetic and eager to help, but if all you want to do is moan endlessly without making any visible attempt to change, most people will quickly tire of that and even start to resent you. I'm not saying it's fair or right, but it certainly is true. If you really can't change your situation or yourself (and I do know there are some things which can't be changed), then in a sense there's no point in going on about it: what good does it do you or the other person? In my experience, it doesn't even make you feel any better.

If you do want to help yourself, my suggestion would be to do it for yourself, not your boyfriend. If you don't, then that's fair enough, but don't keep on bugging your boyfriend about problems you can't solve, let alone him.

#agonyauntinaformerlife

 

[Ylva]

I hear your posts in Fluttershy's voice.

I think you'd still be "you" if you managed to turn off your autism genes somehow, in the same way someone with brain damage is still "them" after the damage.

I also think you would not magically have a different childhood social conditioning. You would simply be a non-autistic who had lived an autistic's life, if you'd even be able to remember it.

 

[Questella]

<3s hearts Fluttershy

I guess I couldn't imagine being able to chitter-chat endlessly with people about who knows what and not having all my obsessions, that sort of thing.

I get weirded (freaked) out when people at the park try to talk to me when I'm trying to watch my kid. Even though I watch these same people talk to basically everybody else there, I still go into this, "why are you trying to distract me from my kid, my kid is running off now, thanks" mentality and tend to be quite rude to these people, not intentionally I just can't process what you are saying to me when my kid is running off to possibly jump in the lake (I'm terrified of the lake).

Last time we were there why all the people were chitterchatting all of a sudden one of the parents realized they hadn't seen their kid in quite some time and now everybody there is freaking out running around, the kid was actually hiding and came out after everybody freaking out for a good five minutes. The whole time I have my son next to me firmly holding his head against my thigh to terrified to move even an inch, away from or towards the panicked crowd. The only thing going through my head was, "my son is right here," and "wow." O_O' people

 

[Datura]

I hear your posts in Fluttershy's voice.

Ditto. It's adorable.

As for your predicament: I think it is a very positive thing that you seem to accept yourself the way you are, and that your "dude" should do the same. Perhaps there are ways in which you could better adapt to the world around you, anxieties that are better left behind, but to alter what you consider a fundemental aspect of your identity isn't a fair demand.

 

[Aspieistj]

I do understand why NTs may be annoyed to learn an Aspie refuses a "cure." I know I am very irritating, often without being aware that I am doing something annoying. I deal with this problem by avoiding contact with others as much as possible. Just as NT behavior annoys me, I can sympathize with an NT who finds me annoying. I believe anyone who is generally annoying should try to curb that behavior. At present, there isn't a real cure for AS so I believe the question is moot. If a true cure is discovered, and it isn't something that is terribly painful to me, I believe I have a responsibility to stop being annoying. I will use gum whackers, pen clickers and smokers as people who really shouldn't impose their annoying behavior on the general public. They mistreat others. Unfortunately, curing all the Aspies' annoying differences isn't currently possible, so tolerance by NTs is their responsibility. I do not believe that the so called advantages of being on the spectrum out weigh the negatives. There are plenty of brilliant, talented people who are not Aspies so we know the "advantages" that Aspies posses exist among the non AS public. If there had been a prenatal test to determine my AS I definitely would have chosen NOT to be born. So far, no such test exists so the question really isn't worth discussing. I believe that if I had known I was carrying a Down Syndrome baby, I would have opted for an abortion. I also believe I would have loved that child, had it been born. It is simply my belief that it is very painful to be so "different" that society doesn't want that person. I wish every day of my life that I had not been born.

 

[Ylva]

I will use gum whackers, pen clickers and smokers as people who really shouldn't impose their annoying behavior on the general public.

I think these transgressions are not quite deserving of extermination through, well, extermination.

I am happy to be different. Screw how the undifferent treat me – it's not the be all, end all. My favorite poem is Invictus by Henley.