Advice for talking to my dad about my neurodiversity?

[BiCrafter752]

I have been really struggling lately with sensory overload at my dad’s house, and I need some advice with talking to him about it and managing it. There are 3 small kids, so it is rather noisey and my relationship with my dad is a bit strained and I struggle talking to him and asking for stuff. I’m open for any advice, just really difficult situation.

 

[Outdated]

It's not always easy being a kid. Could your awkward relationship with your Dad be partly because you act different to other kids and he doesn't understand it? Does he know about your autism diagnosis?

 

[BiCrafter752]

It's not always easy being a kid. Could your awkward relationship with your Dad be partly because you act different to other kids and he doesn't understand it? Does he know about your autism diagnosis?

I think he knows that we have initiated the diagnosis, but we are doing it through my mum’s GP.

 

[Outdated]

As long as he knows there's something real and you're not just making it up, that's a head start. My father always thought I was being weird deliberately just to upset him. Perhaps if you could find some information on autism that you could show him when you talk to him it might help.

Not complex information, most people's eyes glaze over if they try to read too much at once. Just something brief about hypersensitivity and why things get to you and upset you.

It's never going to be easy with little ones in the house, but I'm guessing you need a bit of time out now and then, possibly dreaming of some noise cancelling headphones.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

As long as he knows there's something real and you're not just making it up, that's a head start. My father always thought I was being weird deliberately just to upset him. Perhaps if you could find some information on autism that you could show him when you talk to him it might help.

Not complex information, most people's eyes glaze over if they try to read too much at once. Just something brief about hypersensitivity and why things get to you and upset you.

It's never going to be easy with little ones in the house, but I'm guessing you need a bit of time out now and then, possibly dreaming of some noise cancelling headphones.

Great post. Just to add to this, I've found it helpful to show people YouTube videos of what our sensory experience is like. It tends to help more than just describing something, and leaving too much up to their imagination.

 

[Crossbreed]

See if you can get the person who makes the diagnosis to explain it to your dad.

 

[Outdated]

There's a very good autism centre in Perth and they have the basic sort of information you need:

What is Autism? - Autism Association of Western Australia

Autism Spectrum Disorder, often shortened to Autism, is a neurodevelopmental condition that impacts a person's development in certain key areas...

www.autism.org.au

 

[Outdated]

Just a bit of brief information for people from other countries:

In Australia we have one of those centres in every major city except Darwin, and they are recognised as the major authority on autism in Australia. Their diagnosis's are recognised by our health department and social welfare departments without question.

This is also how I avoided doing all the mucking around with GPs, I just went straight to my local autism centre and self referred. There was a 12 month waiting list and it cost me $500 but it was worth it.

 

[Angular Chap]

my relationship with my dad is a bit strained and I struggle talking to him and asking for stuff. I’m open for any advice, just really difficult situation.

You are clearly a very articulate and polite person, so I say use those talents to your advantage by writing down your concerns in the form of notes or a letter. You can take time to think, organize and edit your thoughts, and he can read and process it as his leisure.

Think about the tone of your notes. Would a more serious, professional tone work better with him? Or maybe a more comical, jovial tone? A few smiley faces and hearts maybe?

Next, as others have suggested, look up some sites, blogs and videos and bookmark or download them, ready to show to him in future. You mention sensory overload, make that your main search term, or maybe "Autism sensory overload"

Hopefully, over time you can refine your communication style with him, see what works and what doesn't. Might seem like a strange way to communicate, but that's just the nature of Autism, right?

 

[Magna]

@BiCrafter752 I would like to know specifics about the sensory overload. Can you give examples of the kinds of things that you have trouble with? Perhaps reply with a list.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

@Crossbreed has a good idea,...having the "news" come from a professional may be more convincing. That said, a general practitioner probably isn't the best resource when it comes to the diagnosis of autism,...unless, of course, they have specialized training. I do hope that your process does involve a referral to an autism specialist in your area,...and let them perform the testing with you,...as you will receive much better information,...practical information YOU can use in your daily life. Having the information come from an autism specialist,...a much better idea, as your parents will surely have questions that only they can answer more appropriately. The more you know the earlier, the better off you will be. The earlier you understand yourself, the earlier you can "work around" your autism,...perhaps do things differently than others, but accomplish the same goals in life using a different pathway.

I have no idea of what kind of father you have in terms of empathy, education, love, etc. Some fathers you can just speak freely with and they will take your concerns to heart,...and on the other extreme, some father's don't want to hear anything about a "diagnosis",...as it may reflect badly on them. I know,...the later situation is twisted and horrible, but it happens. So, I am hoping you have a good relationship with your parents.

That said, I also agree with writing a letter. As a child,...especially if you are autistic,...it may be difficult to get the words out in a meaningful manner. Most people, in general, will want to interrupt your train of thought,...be disagreeable, try to minimize what you are feeling, etc. Write it down, let them read, and that way you don't have to deal with the frustration of someone interrupting your train of thought.

Take care, and welcome.

 

[Misery]

That said, I also agree with writing a letter. As a child,...especially if you are autistic,...it may be difficult to get the words out in a meaningful manner. Most people, in general, will want to interrupt your train of thought,...be disagreeable, try to minimize what you are feeling, etc. Write it down, let them read, and that way you don't have to deal with the frustration of someone interrupting your train of thought.

Aye, this sounds like it could be a good idea. It would allow the father to read through it at his own pace, which can make it easier to grasp.

So, @BiCrafter752 , the most important thing (in my opinion) is to try to be very patient about it. The process of explaining something like this to those around you is difficult, both for you and them, if they have not encountered the concept before. It may take multiple tries before it actually clicks with them. Which doesnt always mean that they wont accept it... in plenty of cases, it's all about confusion, or misunderstanding.

So... push gently, and take it slow. That'd be my advice.

As for how to deal with the sensory issues in the meantime? Hm, that's tougher. What sorts of sensory issues, specifically, do you experience? What triggers it the most? If you'd like to tell us about it, that'd make it easier for us to give advice on that part.

And if you need help or are just feeling stressed... about this or any topic, really... everyone on this forum is generally willing to help and very accepting in every way. So, feel free to start a topic on here if you need to, or even message someone directly if you'd like.