Perkinsj88
Well-Known Member
I have been married for what will be 6 years this September. We have won out against all odds to even make it this long. I am now approaching the age of 25 and she is heading towards 27. Yes, we married at a young age because she became pregnant with our daughter. This led to our marriage because I was intent to not follow my father?s footsteps that he left when he abandoned me and my mother when I was just 2 years of age. The thing is, I had not even a shred of an idea that I suffered from Aspeger Syndrome. I thought I was suffering from Depression and Social Anxiety as the doctors told me I was (Whole other huge problem I now face)
In fact, only 4 days? time has passed since I stumbled on this self-discovery, what I see as the most significant event in my life and I expressed it as such when I broke the news to my wife. Apparently, she does not have the ability to trust that I know, I KNOW, this is my condition. She has to have this confirmed by a doctor. This need I see as her saying something along the lines of this "I hear you telling me you have it, unfortunately I can't accept it until a person that really will never understand my inner workings AKA medical doctor deems my findings as truthful. I presented this to her and she agreed for the most part this was the case. Now I have come face to face with what could be the most difficult time in my life. I was filled with an intense happiness and excitement at my discovery, unlike anything I have ever felt before. I am continuing my search to understand this new found condition I have in what she sees in a unhealthy and unfair way. I am obsessed with understanding my condition, the reason behind always being different and rejected. Perhaps obsession is indeed an unhealthy way of pursuing this, I do not discard this idea. She wants me to "be present" in her words, it all boils down to she wants me to abandon my efforts and just "make better choices" (It's not a fu%^ing choice). Her reasons behind this are selfish, she tries to use the kids as an excuse. Such as She says I must go to the store to get some food, I ask why should I waste any more energy trying to show you something you will never see nor appreciate, she responds with this "Our kids NEEEEEED FOOOD, that?s why" So...I stop and process this for a moment and reply with ?one child eats formula still which we have more than enough of, the other child (daughter) we already have food for (She rarely eats new things despite our efforts...I understand why now) so the only people that depend on the food I would get at the store would be HER and myself. I ask her if it's so important why not just go and do it yourself instead of waiting for me to do it for you (As she does with a vast amount of things) she says because If you go it will take you no time (she was assuming I was unable to watch the kids while she did this so if she stayed home with the kids and I went to the store it would be easier for me) Again...this has selfish motivations underlying, she is capable of going to the store with the kids or without them, it seemed too hard for her so she tried to make me do it." The short answer here is because frankly, some people are not willing or able to put the effort into understanding their significant other as us Aspie's perhaps require. I am able to see so many underlying meanings in EVERYTHING she does, she however can't seem to see the meaning that I'm being as straight forward with as I am able to. She often gets upset when I am able to show her the reasons behind what she's doing. I'm still the bad guy apparently, even when I show her that she is doing nothing but manipulating me to fit her needs and lying to me in many forms to cover it up. I have decided it's no longer worth the energy and emotion I have thrown away for so long now to meet her standards. I am now searching for advice on what steps I should move towards now. Consider with this, my daughter shows many signs just as I did at her age of having the same condition as I. The idea of divorce and me moving to the only place I could (Georgia, currently in California) is one solution, not a good one. In doing this I would subject my daughter to deal with everything that I did and I would rarely be able to see her or my infant son. At this very moment my eyes began to well with tears at the thought of this. I can?t be away from my children in such a way. I could never afford to rent a place to live as I am collecting unemployment right now (I am on Tier 2 of the fed extension). I am in no way a state of mind I would be able to get through an interview and do what any job would require of me right now. So, as far as I can see?I am stuck..living with a wife who I am never good enough for, because the only foreseeable alternative would destroy me in every sense of the word. I am sick of the unhappiness I have been so frequently condemned to. I deserve to be happy and I will never let anyone convince me otherwise again. Any alternative viewpoints to mine are welcomed. Help me to see this in a different way. I have already lost the excitement and happiness so briefly acquired by learning of my ?disorder? and the reason?s that drive me into ?my pit of madness? once again; appears that it can never been escaped without harm coming to my children.
In fact, only 4 days? time has passed since I stumbled on this self-discovery, what I see as the most significant event in my life and I expressed it as such when I broke the news to my wife. Apparently, she does not have the ability to trust that I know, I KNOW, this is my condition. She has to have this confirmed by a doctor. This need I see as her saying something along the lines of this "I hear you telling me you have it, unfortunately I can't accept it until a person that really will never understand my inner workings AKA medical doctor deems my findings as truthful. I presented this to her and she agreed for the most part this was the case. Now I have come face to face with what could be the most difficult time in my life. I was filled with an intense happiness and excitement at my discovery, unlike anything I have ever felt before. I am continuing my search to understand this new found condition I have in what she sees in a unhealthy and unfair way. I am obsessed with understanding my condition, the reason behind always being different and rejected. Perhaps obsession is indeed an unhealthy way of pursuing this, I do not discard this idea. She wants me to "be present" in her words, it all boils down to she wants me to abandon my efforts and just "make better choices" (It's not a fu%^ing choice). Her reasons behind this are selfish, she tries to use the kids as an excuse. Such as She says I must go to the store to get some food, I ask why should I waste any more energy trying to show you something you will never see nor appreciate, she responds with this "Our kids NEEEEEED FOOOD, that?s why" So...I stop and process this for a moment and reply with ?one child eats formula still which we have more than enough of, the other child (daughter) we already have food for (She rarely eats new things despite our efforts...I understand why now) so the only people that depend on the food I would get at the store would be HER and myself. I ask her if it's so important why not just go and do it yourself instead of waiting for me to do it for you (As she does with a vast amount of things) she says because If you go it will take you no time (she was assuming I was unable to watch the kids while she did this so if she stayed home with the kids and I went to the store it would be easier for me) Again...this has selfish motivations underlying, she is capable of going to the store with the kids or without them, it seemed too hard for her so she tried to make me do it." The short answer here is because frankly, some people are not willing or able to put the effort into understanding their significant other as us Aspie's perhaps require. I am able to see so many underlying meanings in EVERYTHING she does, she however can't seem to see the meaning that I'm being as straight forward with as I am able to. She often gets upset when I am able to show her the reasons behind what she's doing. I'm still the bad guy apparently, even when I show her that she is doing nothing but manipulating me to fit her needs and lying to me in many forms to cover it up. I have decided it's no longer worth the energy and emotion I have thrown away for so long now to meet her standards. I am now searching for advice on what steps I should move towards now. Consider with this, my daughter shows many signs just as I did at her age of having the same condition as I. The idea of divorce and me moving to the only place I could (Georgia, currently in California) is one solution, not a good one. In doing this I would subject my daughter to deal with everything that I did and I would rarely be able to see her or my infant son. At this very moment my eyes began to well with tears at the thought of this. I can?t be away from my children in such a way. I could never afford to rent a place to live as I am collecting unemployment right now (I am on Tier 2 of the fed extension). I am in no way a state of mind I would be able to get through an interview and do what any job would require of me right now. So, as far as I can see?I am stuck..living with a wife who I am never good enough for, because the only foreseeable alternative would destroy me in every sense of the word. I am sick of the unhappiness I have been so frequently condemned to. I deserve to be happy and I will never let anyone convince me otherwise again. Any alternative viewpoints to mine are welcomed. Help me to see this in a different way. I have already lost the excitement and happiness so briefly acquired by learning of my ?disorder? and the reason?s that drive me into ?my pit of madness? once again; appears that it can never been escaped without harm coming to my children.
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