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Rena's Golden Land
- Author AprilR
- Create date
- Updated
I am sometimes overwhelmed by some thoughts and feelings that i can't explain. Like things resonate with me that i understand well in my soul. Unexpressed, unknown, known only to me and my creator.
I am proud of myself these times, that no one will be able to see these thoughts and feelings and...
I want to get fired so i can finally rest a little. It feels like weekends just pass by and i never feel well rested.
My job is too fast paced, and i am too slow. I am also regularly feeling angry and numb and don't have time or energy to socialize with my coworkers any more.
Today was so hard...
I dream about tellin my mom everything. Why it was so hard for me to make friends, my first love and how he made me feel like life is worth living. How my memories Somehow seemed more real than reality. Its sad that that life will never come back, but whats sadder is i won't ever be able to talk...
My mom is ill with vertigo. They don't know the cause yet. I hope its nothing bad, i sort of couldn't process what happened when my dad explained today.
I Wonder what will happen to me when my mom dies. I don't have any friends, siblings or close relatives. My parents are all i have in this...
I saw someone that went to the same college as me. Same class. It made me remember how horrible those days were. I had no one and i was constantly scared not knowing how to act. How to make friends how to pretend.
I was so depressed and emotionally unstable. Sometimes it feels like i never...
An anime from my childhood is back!!
I didn't imagine Bleach being back would affect me so much but it did! So many memories, that show was my formative years! All the characters i related to, all the feelings and relationships, and and!!!
I am just so happy and excited that its back! It made...
I only ever wanted to feel safe but never did not even as a child. I knew i was different and dirty and always made to feel like that. I am not surprised that i imagined my parents were not my real parents and that my real parents have died in a fire. I never felt close to neither of them and...
There is that song i listen to once in a while. It speaks of 90s and the childhood of the singer. It made me think of my own Childhood and i burst into tears while listening to it. But it felt good. I thought of myself as that Child, wanting to have fun and bbe innocent but all the while not...
I miss my old best friend still. I feel like i am losing part of my youth, my old self day by day. I have another friend from those days that i still talk to thankfully. But this friend was special.
I am Just living without a purpose, getting away from the things that made life magical day by...
I never seek out to hurt anyone. I don't think anyone does. But everyone hurts one another either intentionally or unintentionally. I know i don't owe anyone that is not close to me anything. But being hated feels like hell to me.
I always thought i want to help people so i can have a meaning...
Constantly feel like im on a slippery slope about to fall to my death any minute. I can't ever relax or people will understand there is something off about me. I wish someone would help me, or tell me that it's okay to take it easy. Not even my therapist tells me that, because she also knows...
"People are only saved when someone understands them"
they want someone to solve the riddle they are, the most difficult riddle in the world"
applies to so many ships i can't even count. Just being able to see someone's true self and making them feel like their existence has a value, not...
I always push myself too far/endure too much before i realize yes, i am really feeling depressed and crippled with anxiety. I need my therapist right now. I don't feel okay. I am so scared of life sometimes even my fear of physical pain goes away. How am i going to live in this world when my...
I want to meet up with my autistic friend again and get involved with the autism organizations here. But i can't do it with my parents knowing.
I guess i will have to do it without telling them or after they die.
I hope my life would be a full and meaningful one if i do that. I don't know what...
What i am about to say might be really mean and negative but i genuinely feel like this now so:
I wish i never met either of you. I wish i never became friends with you, i wish you both stayed as colleagues. I never want to see either of you again.
The fact that these people have all this...
Having a bad day where i feel worthless and tired. Not feeling much anything, it doesn't have any reason. It feels like coming home though,it even makes me nostalgic over my childhood. Makes me feel authentic.
People who always talk about possibilities, relationships and stuff might as well...
I am so scared to drive alone without my parents. I don't know the roads well even the ones near my home. I somehow never noticed which road goes which direction.
Honestly even neurotypical people have so much trouble navigating traffic here. It's horrible. Even when i work it seems i will have...
It feels like my parents pity me for having faith in our legal system and generally being a naive and dumb person easily gullible. I guess from their perspective i am dumb. Good thing i don't see the world from their eyes. Otherwise i would have committed suicide already.
Even if i am not able...
I never thought i could become the person i want to be, but here i am liking and appreciating myself. When i was a child i felt like i was a plant in a desert trying to survive, needing rain but never getting it.
I felt helpless and trapped. I felt like i knew all about the world already, and...