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Your Personal Red Flags
- Thread starter SunnyDay16
- Start date
pamelaperejil
Non-player character
- People who keep invading my personal space even after telling them to stop.
- People who seem to think they know better what I want than I myself, especially considering physical relationships.
- People who can't understand NO.
- People who are shallow, too hypocritical or simply fake.
- People who mistreat animals. Really, hurting weaker than you just because you're stronger is kind of pathetic.
- People with 'The Look'. It's a way they watch you I learnt to recognise as a child and that screams 'DANGER'.
- People with illogical opinions which they defend with 'Because!' logic and especially those narrow-minded enough to never change, evolve or accept that others have their own opinions that can be just as viable.
- People that are agressive, be it passively, verbally or physically.
- People with victim mentality that were oh-so-harmed by the world.
- People judging others by artificial indicators.
- People that don't accept who I am and try to change me into who 'I should be'.
And others. In fact, there are really a lot of these, huh?
- People who seem to think they know better what I want than I myself, especially considering physical relationships.
- People who can't understand NO.
- People who are shallow, too hypocritical or simply fake.
- People who mistreat animals. Really, hurting weaker than you just because you're stronger is kind of pathetic.
- People with 'The Look'. It's a way they watch you I learnt to recognise as a child and that screams 'DANGER'.
- People with illogical opinions which they defend with 'Because!' logic and especially those narrow-minded enough to never change, evolve or accept that others have their own opinions that can be just as viable.
- People that are agressive, be it passively, verbally or physically.
- People with victim mentality that were oh-so-harmed by the world.
- People judging others by artificial indicators.
- People that don't accept who I am and try to change me into who 'I should be'.
And others. In fact, there are really a lot of these, huh?
This is s very definite reg flag for me.
One I forgot:
People who are extremely materialistic, who spend every £ they make, or who rely on credit cards. I have absolutely no patience for people who create their own money problems, and can't stand clutter.
People who are extremely materialistic, who spend every £ they make, or who rely on credit cards. I have absolutely no patience for people who create their own money problems, and can't stand clutter.
Alis1998
Active Member
Well I think we not only should protect ourselfs in dating but also in a relationship.
So here are my personal ones in dating:
-Only talking or bragging about themselfs.
Meaning they do not show any intrest in you.
-Not trying to get to know you (and your diagnoses).
-Talking sexual. This is not the time period where you should get to know each other in that way yet.
-Only letting you pay everything. Do not get me wrong, but if he does not pay for anything it probably means that he is not that into you, usses you and probably isn't finacially stable. I personally do not like baggage like that.
-Somebody that only focuss on the negative rather then the postive things in life.
-Somebody that does not look clean.
-Somebody who acts aggresive.
-Only talks about postive things, and not serious matters.
-Not having a job, nor planning on getting a job. Exception: when people study.
So in a relationship:
- The partner checks their phones more then actually talking to you.
-Acting non caring.
-Getting too clingy.
- Getting strange gifts.
Note: I once was giving a silver necklace by a guy wich I just started a relationship with. He also talked about getting my parents something for father and mothers day. Let's say that this is a really weird gesture if you do not know each other that well and when he talks about not having any money.
-Not understanding of a situation.
side note: The same guy complained about his back hurting all the time when he did not work. Not saying that he doesn't have backpain but during that time I worked 7 days in the week and couldnt relax, causing my mucles to be stuck. And him not understanding that I have backpain was not making the situation better.
-Somebody that talks about other people in a sexual or attracted way.
-Again, somebody that doesnt have a serious future goal, or plan what they are going to do.
So here are my personal ones in dating:
-Only talking or bragging about themselfs.
Meaning they do not show any intrest in you.
-Not trying to get to know you (and your diagnoses).
-Talking sexual. This is not the time period where you should get to know each other in that way yet.
-Only letting you pay everything. Do not get me wrong, but if he does not pay for anything it probably means that he is not that into you, usses you and probably isn't finacially stable. I personally do not like baggage like that.
-Somebody that only focuss on the negative rather then the postive things in life.
-Somebody that does not look clean.
-Somebody who acts aggresive.
-Only talks about postive things, and not serious matters.
-Not having a job, nor planning on getting a job. Exception: when people study.
So in a relationship:
- The partner checks their phones more then actually talking to you.
-Acting non caring.
-Getting too clingy.
- Getting strange gifts.
Note: I once was giving a silver necklace by a guy wich I just started a relationship with. He also talked about getting my parents something for father and mothers day. Let's say that this is a really weird gesture if you do not know each other that well and when he talks about not having any money.
-Not understanding of a situation.
side note: The same guy complained about his back hurting all the time when he did not work. Not saying that he doesn't have backpain but during that time I worked 7 days in the week and couldnt relax, causing my mucles to be stuck. And him not understanding that I have backpain was not making the situation better.
-Somebody that talks about other people in a sexual or attracted way.
-Again, somebody that doesnt have a serious future goal, or plan what they are going to do.
Smokers (that includes E-Cigarettes as well as real ones)
People who don't understand me on the phone (I speak clear English in a Sheffield accent, how hard is it?!)
People who say "We'll ring you back" when it's just a line to get me off the phone!
Employers who don't let me know either way regarding job applications
People who don't understand me on the phone (I speak clear English in a Sheffield accent, how hard is it?!)
People who say "We'll ring you back" when it's just a line to get me off the phone!
Employers who don't let me know either way regarding job applications
My biggest red flags are abusive tone
, no empathy scares the bjesus out of me, can't accept my truths, overly critical of me can be hard for me to accept. Also, l abhor physical violence of any type, dishonesty is a dealbreaker, just tell me the truth no matter what. l wish people were game icons, l could just suck up happy points, and sunshine points, heart points, then you knew who you could hang out with by checking your bar of rewards, too many smelling turd points, you could just send them into game space, adios mofo.
, no empathy scares the bjesus out of me, can't accept my truths, overly critical of me can be hard for me to accept. Also, l abhor physical violence of any type, dishonesty is a dealbreaker, just tell me the truth no matter what. l wish people were game icons, l could just suck up happy points, and sunshine points, heart points, then you knew who you could hang out with by checking your bar of rewards, too many smelling turd points, you could just send them into game space, adios mofo.
I want to play that game.
Gracey
Well-Known Member
Those that grind others’ faces in the dirt just to bolster their own sense of worth.
Those that can enjoy and laugh at anothers insecurity or struggle to confirm their own grandiose beliefs.
Predatory / stalker-like behaviour.
Those that can’t grasp the concept of ‘No, meaning No’
Those that can enjoy and laugh at anothers insecurity or struggle to confirm their own grandiose beliefs.
Predatory / stalker-like behaviour.
Those that can’t grasp the concept of ‘No, meaning No’
Here is a new one I just encountered...
People who talk about who they would like to kill, or who should be murdered.....definitely a deal breaker for any friendship in my little world.
(Exception would be if they talk about killing pedophiles, that would be a small red flag tho)
People who talk about who they would like to kill, or who should be murdered.....definitely a deal breaker for any friendship in my little world.
(Exception would be if they talk about killing pedophiles, that would be a small red flag tho)
asperagus
A vegetable on the spectrum
Xenophobes!!
I mean, we could argue that we're all a little xenophobic, and I could tolerate a small buffer based on personal experience ("don't like demographic group X because people who belong to X have done wrong to me or to loved ones"). But that's the extent of it.
I have no patience for narcissists. I also raise a red flag when I encounter the self-absorbed (they might all be narcissists, anyway), where they only rant about their interests, but don't care about mine.
I mean, we could argue that we're all a little xenophobic, and I could tolerate a small buffer based on personal experience ("don't like demographic group X because people who belong to X have done wrong to me or to loved ones"). But that's the extent of it.
I have no patience for narcissists. I also raise a red flag when I encounter the self-absorbed (they might all be narcissists, anyway), where they only rant about their interests, but don't care about mine.
Raisedbywolves
Active Member
Is mean to or dislikes their relatives.
Talks of disliking children or puppies.
Punches walls.
Has too many conspiracy theories.
Insults women.
Flirts with other women.
Asks about open relationships.
Asks about fwb.
Says they never want to get married or have children.
Does drugs, drinks, or smokes.
Hates Christianity.
Is not open to Christianity.
Hates Israel or the Jewish people.
And there are so many others.
Basically: don't date a poopy head that hates on folks and is only interested in one thing.
Talks of disliking children or puppies.
Punches walls.
Has too many conspiracy theories.
Insults women.
Flirts with other women.
Asks about open relationships.
Asks about fwb.
Says they never want to get married or have children.
Does drugs, drinks, or smokes.
Hates Christianity.
Is not open to Christianity.
Hates Israel or the Jewish people.
And there are so many others.
Basically: don't date a poopy head that hates on folks and is only interested in one thing.
HidinginPlainSight
Well-Known Member
Attraction.
I've proven to myself in the past that I'm willing to put up with a lot if this criteria is fulfilled. Really, I think most people are too.
There's a lot I don't like about people, but see above for a reason that I might look past a lot of it.
(This excludes someone who exhibits extreme psychopathic behavior, like let's say causing deliberate harm animals, but can't say I've encountered any potential dates where this or anything like it has come up)
I've proven to myself in the past that I'm willing to put up with a lot if this criteria is fulfilled. Really, I think most people are too.
There's a lot I don't like about people, but see above for a reason that I might look past a lot of it.
(This excludes someone who exhibits extreme psychopathic behavior, like let's say causing deliberate harm animals, but can't say I've encountered any potential dates where this or anything like it has come up)
When I learn the following about a person, regardless of my would-be relationship with 'em, it makes me want to run as fast as I can in the opposite direction... (OK maybe not always, as some of these items are less crucial than others)
1) First and foremost, any form of right-wing ideology (or authoritarian bootlicking in general), especially when they make those views a defining part of their identity at the expense of, y'know, having any legit personality outside of politics
2) Affinity for psuedoscience woo BS (anti-GMO, anti-vaxx, "wEeD cUrEs cAnCeR", etc. - there is often a bunch of overlap with the first group)
3) No sense of humor and refusal to engage in some light-hearted back-and-forth trash talk (to me, casual roasting in good fun is the mark of a truly solid friendship)
4) Lack of passion for intellectual or creative pursuits, preferring to devote their time entirely to physical hobbies, especially "Chad" or jock activities. It's important to have a healthy mix of both mentally and physically-engaging pastimes, although I definitely lean more toward the former.
5) If they're invasive and don't respect boundaries, or call me without giving me a few minutes of advance notice
6) Being a psychiatrist, especially if they work for a loony bin (of course this is very hit-or-miss; there are some world-class professionals out there with hearts of gold and great heads on their shoulders. But personal experience has taught me time and time again to distrust the psychiatric-industrial complex. This has zero bearing on psychologists mind you - I'm a living testament to the power of a good talk therapist.)
7) If they blindly hate a genre of music on principle (especially metal, punk, or rap), without having spent a decent amount of time diving into it. The two exceptions to this are bro country and NSBM - the less said about those two abhorrent tripe genres, the better.
8) When I learn a... "person" has Borderline Personality Disorder, I instantly lose any and all respect I might've had for them. Invariably, my experiences with these manipulative, abusive pieces of human detritus have been taxing on my sanity at best, and outright traumatic more often than not. I'm sure there are a precious handful of individuals on Earth with BPD who actually are cognizant to just how toxic and corrosive they've been in the past, and devote the rest of their lives to atoning for their atrocities. I salute them. But they are the exception, not the rule. When someone is a Borderline emotional terrorist, it's their loved ones and those around them who truly suffer from it. Something to which I can attest all too well, having my teenage years gleefully stolen from me by "mommy dearest"... I won't get into the sob story here.
9) Speaking ill about me behind my back, especially to my other friends. You already know how Autists like myself don't do "hints" or subliminal BS, so why not say it outright? I can take it. If you have an issue with me, grow a pair and tell me to my face. Or, you can just cower back into your hovel of cowardice and inferiority. A couple weeks ago, this already-close friend I made working at a theater company last summer told me that one of my only friends from high school asked him "yo what's with [Bapho's] duck walk?" ...they're both coming down to hang out Saturday, ironically enough. I intend to drop a real zinger on that rat bastard and grill him about this, when the moment is right...
10) Finally... if they aren't 420 friendly. Now, preferring not to smoke the devil's lettuce is one thing; I have nothing but respect for those who choose to abstain from the substance. More for me, y'know? But if you're gonna be all Gestapo about it, moralizing about weed with outdated scare tactics and misinformation, I'm gonna double down and take a hit off my next blunt even harder, just to spite you. I revel in "DeGeNeRaCy" and if you wanna get in the way of that, you'll have to kill me first.
1) First and foremost, any form of right-wing ideology (or authoritarian bootlicking in general), especially when they make those views a defining part of their identity at the expense of, y'know, having any legit personality outside of politics
2) Affinity for psuedoscience woo BS (anti-GMO, anti-vaxx, "wEeD cUrEs cAnCeR", etc. - there is often a bunch of overlap with the first group)
3) No sense of humor and refusal to engage in some light-hearted back-and-forth trash talk (to me, casual roasting in good fun is the mark of a truly solid friendship)
4) Lack of passion for intellectual or creative pursuits, preferring to devote their time entirely to physical hobbies, especially "Chad" or jock activities. It's important to have a healthy mix of both mentally and physically-engaging pastimes, although I definitely lean more toward the former.
5) If they're invasive and don't respect boundaries, or call me without giving me a few minutes of advance notice
6) Being a psychiatrist, especially if they work for a loony bin (of course this is very hit-or-miss; there are some world-class professionals out there with hearts of gold and great heads on their shoulders. But personal experience has taught me time and time again to distrust the psychiatric-industrial complex. This has zero bearing on psychologists mind you - I'm a living testament to the power of a good talk therapist.)
7) If they blindly hate a genre of music on principle (especially metal, punk, or rap), without having spent a decent amount of time diving into it. The two exceptions to this are bro country and NSBM - the less said about those two abhorrent tripe genres, the better.
8) When I learn a... "person" has Borderline Personality Disorder, I instantly lose any and all respect I might've had for them. Invariably, my experiences with these manipulative, abusive pieces of human detritus have been taxing on my sanity at best, and outright traumatic more often than not. I'm sure there are a precious handful of individuals on Earth with BPD who actually are cognizant to just how toxic and corrosive they've been in the past, and devote the rest of their lives to atoning for their atrocities. I salute them. But they are the exception, not the rule. When someone is a Borderline emotional terrorist, it's their loved ones and those around them who truly suffer from it. Something to which I can attest all too well, having my teenage years gleefully stolen from me by "mommy dearest"... I won't get into the sob story here.
9) Speaking ill about me behind my back, especially to my other friends. You already know how Autists like myself don't do "hints" or subliminal BS, so why not say it outright? I can take it. If you have an issue with me, grow a pair and tell me to my face. Or, you can just cower back into your hovel of cowardice and inferiority. A couple weeks ago, this already-close friend I made working at a theater company last summer told me that one of my only friends from high school asked him "yo what's with [Bapho's] duck walk?" ...they're both coming down to hang out Saturday, ironically enough. I intend to drop a real zinger on that rat bastard and grill him about this, when the moment is right...
10) Finally... if they aren't 420 friendly. Now, preferring not to smoke the devil's lettuce is one thing; I have nothing but respect for those who choose to abstain from the substance. More for me, y'know? But if you're gonna be all Gestapo about it, moralizing about weed with outdated scare tactics and misinformation, I'm gonna double down and take a hit off my next blunt even harder, just to spite you. I revel in "DeGeNeRaCy" and if you wanna get in the way of that, you'll have to kill me first.
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Your judgemental attitude is my red flag glad I've never had a romantic relationship.
Exactly. Many people consider autism a red flag, so I tend not to be too judgemental. We all have flaws.
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