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Wearing a Mask to Hide Anxiety

SonoranPrincess

SonoranPrincess

SonoranPrincess
I was formally diagnosed as Aspie (HFA) earlier this year. Better late than never, I'd say... Now that I know the truth I've been doing a life review, and many of my disastrous social missteps can be attributed to being on the spectrum. It's odd, because I look normal, dress well, get my hair done at an excellent salon, have manis/pedi every 2 weeks, have an advanced degree (I received high honors in college), have been married 34 years and have 4 children (3 grandchildren). Sounds great, doesn't it? Yet, no matter what I do, I have severe social anxiety and am in constant fear of coming off to others as odd, rude, controlling, etc. I'm able to act normal for awhile, but usually can't wait to get home so I can unwind in solitude. If I have a specific errand to run, I may be OK. But, casually shopping in a mall, or spending time in other crowded places, can bring on a feeling of extreme anxiety. I've also recently been diagnosed with Celiac disease and Systemic Lupus. Life seems overwhelming, both emotionally and physically. Thank God I no longer have to work a 9-5 job!
 
I truly understand what you are saying. I think all of us do; we sort of need to fit in various situations, so we constantly put on and off a mask of normalness and NTness (or at least we try! (even though it's hard)).
I also have extreme anxiety to the point where I've developed involuntary twitching and jittering in my right thumb that comes and goes from time to time.

Nice reading your post :)
 
Yep ... I am cunningly disguised as a chef instructor ... NO REALLY. I have adopted the gruff (firm but fair) persona of a chef to teach Culinary Arts. It helps that I really am a chef ... but the me who teaches my classes isn't really me. It's a pretend me that I use as a mask to distance myself a bit from the stress of having to be out and about in the world.

Does this make sense?

I am not schizophrenic. Honest.
 
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Yep, every day I put on my friendly teacher mask and engage my young students, and in the evening I shut down and spend most of my time unwinding, recovering and just being myself, mainly alone.
 
So many times have I "put a mask on", figuratively and literally to make things easier when in a social situation.

When I say a literal mask, I'm referring to costumes, I sometimes volunteer to help raise money for charity, something I'd never do, but once I'm in costume with my face covered, I'm fine. Also when I'm out riding and have a full-face motorcycle helmet on, I feel so much more comfortable when no one can see my face.

But when I don't have an actual "mask", I sometimes have to try so hard to hide the fact that I feel as if I'm about to freak-the-f-out.
 
Progster said:
Yep, every day I put on my friendly teacher mask and engage my young students, and in the evening I shut down and spend most of my time unwinding, recovering and just being myself, mainly alone.
Click to expand...

GASP ... are you ... me? Are we ... us meaning me?

"Maybe I AM schizophrenic," he darkly muttered.
 
As a twelve year old I was totally obsessed with Ralph, one of the central characters in "Lord Of The Flies," which was the book we were reading in English literature lessons. However it was Ralph's nemesis Jack who introduced me to the concept of wearing a mask. Unlike Jack I didn't paint my face but instead I gradually assumed a mask of expressionlessness (is that a real word? If not, it should be). I must have managed to achieve my goal because when we later began to read "The Stone-Faced Boy" in English literature lessons one of the other boys in the room pointed at me and said "That's you." I was pleasantly pleased at the notion but I didn't show it.
 
SonoranPrincess

That is me in a nut shell; I can make it through conversations but it takes a lot of concentration. I've trained myself over the years, I have rules I follow. Still the stress and anxiety can be extreme sometimes. A trick I use that helps me get my barrings when I was out socially was smoking (I quit awhile back, but on the rare occasion I'm out I buy a pack or fake it) It gives me an out to go outside, breath, think and plan whether I smoke or not.
 
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