There any good reasons to find a wife in these times?

[Cryptid]

No better answer than this:

 

[Aspychata]

Florida doesn't have common law marriage, living together 7 years doesn't mean you are married.

 

[DaisyRose]

Florida doesn't have common law marriage, living together 7 years doesn't mean you are married.

That is true because some states don’t find that legal. Where I live, common law is legal. We have a lot of people who are common law than married here.

 

[Slime_Punk]

"Good reasons" are hard to come by, because everything in life is technically just more work to do. So if you want to pursue a relationship (serious or not), you're going to be looking at chipping away at it all the time, spending time on it, and nurturing it as much as you can so it can grow into something... that then requires more work!

I've been with my wife for 10 years, but I'm really no advocate for 'adding more things to your life in search of happiness', because I think we're all actually much better off with less*. But still, if it's something you're considering, there might be a reason. Maybe you're the type who wants that kind of work, and there's nothing wrong with that. Just know that that's what you're getting yourself into, at the end of the day. Meaningful work.

* = or maybe it's that all things equalize at the end of the day and we never really add or subtract from our baseline happiness level

 

[Fino]

It seems like the kinda thing that just naturally unfolds or doesn't, rather than a single conscious decision, assuming you have any proclivity for it in the first place.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

No better answer than this:

What kind of marriage can you have when you see the body as a hindrance?

 

[The Pandector]

A promise is as good as the promiser. Many people go into marriage to try it out, to make a go of it, to see if it works for them. That’s not the winning formula. The forgotten secret to a successful marriage is commitment. I strongly recommend that anyone ‘giving marriage a try’ turn and run away, because you aren’t ready yet.

Marriage is a promise that engulfs the rest of your life; it is a promise that you will never break your promise. When you go into marriage tentatively, you offer a life you aren’t serious about committing, which is a lie.

Of course, my words here are just one man’s opinion. Many people marry outside the parameters I’ve outlined. But I will stick to my definitions; if it is not a lifetime commitment, it isn’t a marriage. Formulate your own definitions, but not every civil union is a marriage, regardless of what the license says.

Which brings up the expectations issue. In stable societies, there is much more to the marriage commitment than property and child custody concerns. A wise citizen understands that having the guy next door abandon his wife and kids is bad for those immediately involved as well as the neighbors. Likewise, a wife and mother who ignores her marriage commitment is bad for the community at large. Therefore, it’s in society’s best interest to enforce marital obligations. But, today, people act as though your marriage is nobody else’s business, which is a preposterous proposition, since the stability of the state rests largely on the stability of families. IOW, we no longer consider the maintenance of your marriage to be a civic obligation.

On a personal note…
My wife passed a few years back. Her lifelong spouse took care of her every need, day and night, months on end, until the end. Truth is, watching her suffer and die almost killed me. But she never once had to call out for someone. When I die, I will almost certainly be alone and in need of help. When the last hours are upon us, just as with thousands of smaller crises over the years, having someone you know and trust at your side is priceless.

 

[Mary Terry]

Florida doesn't have common law marriage, living together 7 years doesn't mean you are married.

Mississippi does not recognize common law marriages, either. In many states, a couple must reside together for ten years for a common law "marriage" to be recognized.

 

[Wolfnox]

When I die, I will almost certainly be alone and in need of help

Pretty much how I expect to go.

 

[Wolfnox]

Just know that that's what you're getting yourself into, at the end of the day.

Hence this thread. Plus life experience accumulated over the years and lots of research.

 

[AspieChris]

Imagine a man and woman are living together but not married. They have a mortgage and kids. They go hang out at a local bar and have a couple of drinks. The man goes to the bathroom and comes back to find his lady being hit on by some giant dude who doesn’t want to take ‘no’ for an answer.

Imagine the difference between him yelling “Hey! That’s my wife!” vs. “Hey! That’s my girlfriend!”

Even a drunken gorilla in a bar is more likely to respect the marriage than the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I have been in that situation and the gorilla said “I don’t see a ring on that finger…..”. And later in the same situation after we got married, the answer was “Sorry brother. I didn’t know she was married “

 

[Dagan]

It would be nice having that trust and comfort again and sharing experiences, sharing time. Just the same, I don't expect a lady to want to deal with me, my daughter's medical reliance on me, two sassy dogs and the random things I have to do for work and paying bills sometimes. I don't feel entitled to such happiness. I know I would make every effort, but I still wouldn't claim deserving. I will keep accepting reality, as it will be presenting itself.

 

[The Pandector]

It would be nice having that trust and comfort again and sharing experiences, sharing time. Just the same, I don't expect a lady to want to deal with me, my daughter's medical reliance on me, two sassy dogs and the random things I have to do for work and paying bills sometimes. I don't feel entitled to such happiness. I know I would make every effort, but I still wouldn't claim deserving. I will keep accepting reality, as it will be presenting itself.

You might not expect it, and wisely so. But it won’t surprise anyone here when that particular one sees a standup guy and thinks those things are a small price to pay. Love happens.

 

[AspieChris]

You might not expect it, and wisely so. But it won’t surprise anyone here when that particular one sees a standup guy and thinks those things are a small price to pay. Love happens.

That’s exactly how my wife sees me

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

May you find your Life Partner. May you be fruitful and multiply. May you become a nation one day. And may the names of you and your descendants be written into The Book of Life.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I would like to add that as autistics, many of us do not have the interpersonal communication skills to "read" the other person. It's a part of the reason why so many of us fail or eventually give up on the idea of having meaningful relationships. I have to ask a lot of clarifying questions. Now, I do fall within this category, and do have alexithymia, yet am able to maintain a healthy relationship with my wife for as long as I have because I was taught "the rules", that is the virtues of "duty, honor, honesty, temperance, self-discipline, responsibility, and accountability". People may have seen my other posts on these virtues, but when it comes to maintaining a relationship with a significant other, and most especially if there are children involved (I raised 2 boys), it was never, ever, a thought in my head to let my emotions dictate my behaviors. I did things because I was the father and husband, and I had a duty and responsibility, never out of love or any other emotion. It was the only way I could operate. Any sense of discomfort about anything was irrelevant.

The point of all this is that I am example of someone who is happily married, have raised children, and am relatively successful within my career, not because of feelings, but rather because I know what I should be doing. If you don't know what your role is within the relationship, then you have to calmly, and respectfully ask those clarifying questions.

Being married is the best thing ever, in my opinion, if you have the "mental tools" for it.

 

[Judge]

Being married is the best thing ever, in my opinion, if you have the "mental tools" for it.

Point taken. So many variables in that equation. Not for the timid....

And to think of Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter....married for some 77 years?

 

[Atrapa Almas]

I’ve seen a lot and read a lot. And frankly it’s depressing concerning marriage. But, I wanted to hear from the community on it.
Your experiences and what you know.

I am married but I never looked for a wife.

At that time I was just looking for friendship and maybe sex. Then I found myself enjoying so much the time spent with that special person. Then we tested living together.

Then at some point I asked her to marry me. At some point we decided to buy a house. At some point we decided to have a baby...

I mean, life happens. Its not like looking for a wife or looking to have a baby.

It happens or not when you are already secure and have found a very special person.

I think love is found after passion has left.

 

[Kalinychta]

Imagine a man and woman are living together but not married. They have a mortgage and kids. They go hang out at a local bar and have a couple of drinks. The man goes to the bathroom and comes back to find his lady being hit on by some giant dude who doesn’t want to take ‘no’ for an answer.

Imagine the difference between him yelling “Hey! That’s my wife!” vs. “Hey! That’s my girlfriend!”

Even a drunken gorilla in a bar is more likely to respect the marriage than the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I have been in that situation and the gorilla said “I don’t see a ring on that finger…..”. And later in the same situation after we got married, the answer was “Sorry brother. I didn’t know she was married “

There’s a second solution. She should knee the giant gorilla in the groin and tell him that no means no. And then run.

 

[BewilderedPerson]

I want to find a wife because I want the feeling of being engaged and I want a wedding. I’ve been tempted to buy a ring and just start proposing, that’s how much I want this.