Something bugging me... I hope others get this?

[Chance]

Told my family I was diagnosed with HFA and that was the last any of them have spoken to me.. I agree, it's on an extremely need to know basis only. Others are quite frankly morons and if they are going to judge you because of a word like autism I say fu(you know what) them.. this includes family and people who once called themselves your best friends.

I just don't get it... Are we aliens or something that our own families disown us or abandon us?
What do people sense about me (and apparently many others) that is so bad?
I'm not talkative, clingy, needy, asking for help... I'm just trying to understand this view that ASD people are so messed up, when as a matter of historical fact... Its many people like us who have given this world the quality of life it enjoys and trashes today.

My own mom abandoned me. She waited till I was about 10 and told me she wished I had died at birth (which I nearly did). So it hurts, that never leaves a person mind. I still love her unconditionally and she never loved or wanted me, she never contacts me and probably never will... I was a 10 year old kid, quiet (basically silent) I didn't throw fits, I didn't cause issues, I don't know why she just couldn't stand me? I have asked that question 10,000 times and I cant find what I did that was so wrong to make her just leave me, not even caring if she was throwing me to a den of wolves or not. I would have understood if I was violent, or a fit thrower, or scaring her... I wasn't. Yes, I flapped my stupid hands, and I pulled on my ears, and I made stupid noises a lot, but I grew out of that (or learned to hide all of it). I did start talking, I just don't like talking. I have no limitations, and I was a cute kid who grew up to be a good looking very normal guy (who had to hide to his real self to be accepted) and it still blows up in my face after all this time.

I don't think I can possibly understand how we are seen as so horrible, by people who do the most awful things imaginable.

I have just had to deal with this a lot because I was determined not to be like others who hate and hurt.
The sad part is it seems, I don't know what to do with all this stuff to keep it from crushing me from the inside out, but so far its all okay. Letting it out, and being there for others to let it out is how I make it through. Otherwise that dark thing called depression likes to come for a visit, and I just try and keep that door locked.

Thanks for the input... I agree with you... I just need to keep myself away form places I know things can easily go wrong. It was my fault basically, but that still don't make it any easier to understand how freaking mean some people can be.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

okayyyy, so check here: IQ Classifications - AssessmentPsychology.com

Quote: Mental deficiency used to be divided into the following sub-classifications, but these labels began to be abused by the public and are now largely obsolete: Borderline Deficiency (IQ 70-80), Moron (IQ 50-69), Imbecile (IQ 20-49) and Idiot (below 20). Mental deficiency is now generally called mental retardation.

So, you're right, "retarded" is 70, but if you go for 69, it's "moron"! LOL

That's what happens when you have a Friday beer with a psychology graduate!

So you could say I'm like an imbecile,moron and idiot added together.

Like something my wife would say

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I just don't get it... Are we aliens or something that our own families disown us or abandon us?
What do people sense about me (and apparently many others) that is so bad?
I'm not talkative, clingy, needy, asking for help... I'm just trying to understand this view that ASD people are so messed up, when as a matter of historical fact... Its many people like us who have given this world the quality of life it enjoys and trashes today.

My own mom abandoned me. She waited till I was about 10 and told me she wished I had died at birth (which I nearly did). So it hurts, that never leaves a person mind. I still love her unconditionally and she never loved or wanted me, she never contacts me and probably never will... I was a 10 year old kid, quiet (basically silent) I didn't throw fits, I didn't cause issues, I don't know why she just couldn't stand me? I have asked that question 10,000 times and I cant find what I did that was so wrong to make her just leave me, not even caring if she was throwing me to a den of wolves or not. I would have understood if I was violent, or a fit thrower, or scaring her... I wasn't. Yes, I flapped my stupid hands, and I pulled on my ears, and I made stupid noises a lot, but I grew out of that (or learned to hide all of it). I did start talking, I just don't like talking. I have no limitations, and I was a cute kid who grew up to be a good looking very normal guy (who had to hide to his real self to be accepted) and it still blows up in my face after all this time.

I don't think I can possibly understand how we are seen as so horrible, by people who do the most awful things imaginable.

I have just had to deal with this a lot because I was determined not to be like others who hate and hurt.
The sad part is it seems, I don't know what to do with all this stuff to keep it from crushing me from the inside out, but so far its all okay. Letting it out, and being there for others to let it out is how I make it through. Otherwise that dark thing called depression likes to come for a visit, and I just try and keep that door locked.

Thanks Adam for the input... I agree with you... I just need to keep myself away form places I know things can easily go wrong. It was my fault basically, but that still don't make it any easier to understand how freaking mean some people can be.

Chance,all you are going through now,is just a stage in the progress.
Others have climbed the hill and down the other side.
You will too.

There is always another hill. Thats the challenge of life.

For me its like learning boundaries. And the serenity prayer.

It can be possibily to love your mother but at the same stage move on from the pain of the thoughts.
Its repeating the lesson of what you're responsible for and what you're not.

A did it. (Slightly different circumstnances) A lot of painful hill walking involved.

So you're on the right track,keep going.

 

[Chance]

Please go to www.aspergerexperts.com and watch their free content! They have Asperger's and know everything you are suffering, and they understand. They have ways to cope with all the things you are feeling and strategies to get better. Some on here have called it a scam site; they did not investigate it enough. It is not! I have learned more about Asperger's on that site than anywhere. People are so ignorant; I hope you can learn to let it be their problem and not yours. You don't owe anyone an explanation. You are probably a lot smarter than they are. God bless, and good luck to you!

Thanks "GranMaB" I really had a Gran ma B, and a Gran am D - that was what I really called them, so this is a good memory...

I did check the website out, (so far I like it a lot) I will look further into it.
I think people say scam when they see a price tag and thats not always correct.
I see stuff differently... Yes there are millions of scammers and cheats out there, but also there are good honest people who are spending lots of time, money, and effort on building websites that are supporting themselves... IF I see something worth while I will support that person, promote that person, and help build them up any way I can. Isn't that why we are here?

No one did that for me, I have had to scratch and claw my way for anything I have, maybe it was for me to notice to try and help others instead of tear them down. Not sure, just a hunch.

Gain thank you!

 

[Blast off]

I just don't get it... Are we aliens or something that our own families disown us or abandon us?
What do people sense about me (and apparently many others) that is so bad?
I'm not talkative, clingy, needy, asking for help... I'm just trying to understand this view that ASD people are so messed up, when as a matter of historical fact... Its many people like us who have given this world the quality of life it enjoys and trashes today.

My own mom abandoned me. She waited till I was about 10 and told me she wished I had died at birth (which I nearly did). So it hurts, that never leaves a person mind. I still love her unconditionally and she never loved or wanted me, she never contacts me and probably never will... I was a 10 year old kid, quiet (basically silent) I didn't throw fits, I didn't cause issues, I don't know why she just couldn't stand me? I have asked that question 10,000 times and I cant find what I did that was so wrong to make her just leave me, not even caring if she was throwing me to a den of wolves or not. I would have understood if I was violent, or a fit thrower, or scaring her... I wasn't. Yes, I flapped my stupid hands, and I pulled on my ears, and I made stupid noises a lot, but I grew out of that (or learned to hide all of it). I did start talking, I just don't like talking. I have no limitations, and I was a cute kid who grew up to be a good looking very normal guy (who had to hide to his real self to be accepted) and it still blows up in my face after all this time.

I don't think I can possibly understand how we are seen as so horrible, by people who do the most awful things imaginable.

I have just had to deal with this a lot because I was determined not to be like others who hate and hurt.
The sad part is it seems, I don't know what to do with all this stuff to keep it from crushing me from the inside out, but so far its all okay. Letting it out, and being there for others to let it out is how I make it through. Otherwise that dark thing called depression likes to come for a visit, and I just try and keep that door locked.

Thanks Adam for the input... I agree with you... I just need to keep myself away form places I know things can easily go wrong. It was my fault basically, but that still don't make it any easier to understand how freaking mean some people can be.

Don't know how your mom and dad could leave you my man, I am sorry. I have my own son who is very seriously autistic and I could never fathom leaving him behind. I guess only if I was physically or psychiatrically unfit to do it would be the ONLY reason. Be one with nature and like minded folks and you will get along just fine. You should be proud of the progress you have made and maybe stop hiding yourself (even if it's only for you when you are free). Screw what anyone else thinks of you, they really don't matter.

 

[Chance]

Chance,all you are going through now,is just a stage in the progress.
Others have climbed the hill and down the other side.
You will too.

There is always another hill. Thats the challenge of life.

For me its like learning boundaries. And the serenity prayer.

It can be possibily to love your mother but at the same stage move on from the pain of the thoughts.
Its repeating the lesson of what you're responsible for and what you're not.

A did it. (Slightly different circumstnances) A lot of painful hill walking involved.

So you're on the right track,keep going.

Thanks Fridge... Sometimes its like a bad dream. I keep thinking I will wake up and see it was just a bad dream... but it wasn't a dream and I wish it was.

I know to keep going, and I will always, but thank you so much for your kindness.

I do need to learn my own boundaries of places I need to stay away from, and I did learn this event is now on that list.

 

[Chance]

Don't know how your mom and dad could leave you my man, I am sorry. I have my own son who is very seriously autistic and I could never fathom leaving him behind. I guess only if I was physically or psychiatrically unfit to do it would be the ONLY reason. Be one with nature and like minded folks and you will get along just fine. You should be proud of the progress you have made and maybe stop hiding yourself (even if it's only for you when you are free). Screw what anyone else thinks of you, they really don't matter.

Thanks...
I guess my issue is connected to you very last sentence. I care too much about what people think of me. Maybe its because a part of is missing or malfunctions, maybe its because I don't understand why I was abandoned. Maybe it was because I was born to care deeply and figure out how to deal with all of it.

People accuse me of being emotionless at times, but if they knew what was inside me they would never say that. I care deeply, but most often I just don't say anything because it just comes out wrong, or I don't hook up the right expressions with what I am saying (or so I have been told).

Its like I have these disconnects where my mouth and my expressions won't listen to my brain, and I have to go inside myself to try and get all this stuff to connect... All while I am trying to listen to someone and have a conversation. Its some very exhausting mental work, and after a while I get wiped out, the "mask" falls off and I am like some LIFE test dummy who's just been through a mental train wreck.

I am extremely aware of my thoughts (maybe too aware) but from my thoughts to my mouth or my actions... I have to mentally keep tabs on countless things, or I will do, or say something stupid. When I start getting really worn out the Tourettes show up and the words get stuck and I sort of start squinting my eyes hard... It sucks at that point and I gotta find a place to go fast.

Normal people don't have to deal with these ticks and glitches... I often think if I didn't have them, what could I be if my brain wasn't in overdrive and having to exert massive energy just to keep my body in check.
Its like I know I would be limitless and maybe that isn't allowed this trip around.

 

[Acorn_Elf]

When I tell people I have autism, they suddenly become expert doctors and undiagnose me. I just say aspergers now even though it no longer in the dsm.

 

[Suzanne]

High functioning "autism" is aspergers! Stupid "professionals" made the decision to oust the word aspergers, which now confuses everyone.

If I ever get a diagnosis, I will be diagnosed with high functioning autism and all who know me, have no doubt it is aspergers.

Classic autism is static; aspergers is not static.

 

[WildCat]

I've said it before along with others here: need to know only. "Don't ask, don't tell" is my policy. Everyone who doesn't already know doesn't need to be concerned with it, and I can count on one hand the number of people who do. I'm not a mind reader BUT...I'm willing to guess that it won't matter to the average person what it's called, that the average person has little to no understanding of ASD, and that the average person isn't interested to begin with. IMO there's not much benefit in sharing that freely with others.

More risk if anything, and the idea of someone reacting negatively and changing their attitude based on that alone doesn't appeal to me at all. It's pretty sad that this happens so often, but I have little patience for absolute morons and they're good at multiplying...so "don't ask, don't tell" it is.