Social Cues are my Achilles heel

[ShaunG]

I freeze and my mind goes blank in similar situations

If I am in a social situation with people from work, meeting at a bar or something, this always happens to me so I try not to go to functions if I can help it. When it does happen, the other person always takes it wildly wrong and personal and it negatively affects the relationship, so I avoid it as much as possible. Sometimes I will simply glance at someone and they freak out and start acting weird around me and I never know what I did wrong.

 

[ShaunG]

I'm a comedian. time I was performing at an open mic and this female comedian got up after me and started talking about how cool I was, how she liked my clothes, she thought I was good looking, she liked my comedy! I just sat there listening to her, not picking up on the whole thing. As I was leaving the club, I was driving away in my car when I started thinking, "Wait a minute! That chick was CRAZY about me!" I thought about driving back to the club and trying to find her, but everyone had already left. There was a woman named Maria in San Francisco who was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, and she got interested in me and I didn't pick up on it. I think in some cases, it seemed to good to be true, I mean, Maria is the most beautiful woman I've ever met, she COULDN'T be interested in me! I've done that in my professional life as well, I've had offers to get into television and film and I didn't pick up on what was going on and by the time I figured it out, it was too late to pick up on the opportunity. I've GOT to find some way to stop doing this and start picking up on opportunities! There has to be some type of therapy that could reverse this characteristic! I've missed out on too many offers!

Everytime I ever did this it turned out I was wrong about it, so unless they were bluntly forward towards me I didn't go there. I managed to have girlfriends, but dating was a minefield and I hated it. I have now been with the same woman for 38 years so that part is looong behind me.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I have always had this same problem and when I believed a girl liked me, if I went for it they were like, "What are you doing?" so I just let them come on to me first. I am married, but dating was a minefield for me for the very reasons you outlined.

I hear ya'. My trauma was to understand what I was missing, consistent with my feelings and desires, yet feeling powerless to change. Only after deciding I had value could I change enough to obtain what I needed at age 28.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I have always had this same problem and when I believed a girl liked me, if I went for it they were like, "What are you doing?" so I just let them come on to me first. I am married, but dating was a minefield for me for the very reasons you outlined.

Depends how you "went for it." Such touch is no permission to come on strong. I take a cue from Jimmy Buffet:
"But the right word at the right time
May get me a little hug
That's the difference between lightning
And a harmless lightning bug"

 

[Neonatal RRT]

@ShaunG, from your responses to myself and others, I am thinking your frustration with your situation has gotten the better of you. Totally understandable. I'm about as autistic as anyone can be, and still be "functional",...albeit, I do not have as severe of sensory issues and co-morbidities as some others here,...it's just that I have had a lot of time to work on myself, learn, etc. That said, I am thinking that if you learn a bit more about your condition from an educational standpoint, relax, and clear your mind a bit,...you may be able to systematically start working on some of your communication difficulties. Small bites. "How do you eat an elephant?....One bite at a time."