Social Anxiety Problems And Sexuality

[joe green]

I have really bad anxiety around people. When I was younger in middle school I had no problems that much with anxiety. But it seems after I Got older(I'm now currently in High school) that my anxiety has gotten worse. I get constant heat flashes, I sweat when I'm in class, and I even have bad anxiety to where I'm afraid of saying excuse me will come off as weird. I need some advice. I'm the loner at my school, my school has a small population of 280 kids, their are only 2 openly LGBT people at my school. I'm sure I'm not the only guy at my school that is gay, but it gives me anxiety to think that I might be the only one. I constantly here the word faggot, that's gay, and so many other slurs. With my anxiety problems it's harder for me to let stuff like that go. I would like to know how you guys cope with anxiety, and it there is any other kid on here with aspergers and is gay how do you cope with all of that in school.

 

[DarkAscent]

In my previous school, I was the only student with autism and bisexuality out of the rest of my peers in my year group (or grade). There were homophobic people in my year. I have no other advice but to keep your head down and don't tell anyone unless there is someone that you can trust and can confide in. When some of my classmates found out about my sexual orientation and I told them about my autism, they teased me a lot and ostracised me for it.

 

[bonnie79]

Reading all these comments really saddens me, i am not on the spectrum, my partner is. So i will not insult any of you by trying to understand what you have been through. Yet as a non aspie i can't help feeling that I need to apologise for all the negative experiences and ostracisation you have been subjected to. But be safe in the knowledge that this is a weakness of others and not yours. They are weak .... end of.

 

[Judge]

Reading all these comments really saddens me, i am not on the spectrum, my partner is. So i will not insult any of you by trying to understand what you have been through. Yet as a non aspie i can't help feeling that I need to apologise for all the negative experiences and ostracisation you have been subjected to. But be safe in the knowledge that this is a weakness of others and not yours. They are weak .... end of.

Thank you for such kind words. Yes, it's a form of discrimination and persecution of a social majority against a very tiny social minority. And over time it takes its toll on us emotionally and physically.

Although straight, I never seemed to have any issues with gay friends working in San Francisco in the 70s and 80s. Always thought it was just having been exposed to very different people and cultures from one ocean to another.

Now I know there's more to it. As Aspies, we're kindred souls to others so poorly treated by social majorities, whomever they may be.

 

[bonnie79]

I bet it has .... unfortunately it's a story I am reading more frequently. If people can't be bothered to gain knowledge in these thing's then they will continue to carry on being narrow minded **** wits. At the end of the day knowledge is power. Be proud of who you are.

 

[Judge]

Be proud of who you are.

I'm not proud. I just figure I have to live with the cards dealt to me the best I can, although for me it's a bit late. For better or for worse...

 

[bonnie79]

You should be proud. You have shared your story with me and others and allowed me to see a different perspective. Yes you do have live with it, it's making the live bit of that sentence worth something for you.

 

[Judge]

You should be proud. You have shared your story with me and others and allowed me to see a different perspective. Yes you do have live with it, it's making the live bit of that sentence worth something for you.

Well, if I can spare people from a certain amount of grief from my own experiences over so many years, I figure it's a good thing. Self-awareness is so critical- the earlier the better. To be open to changing what you can or want, and to accept that which you can't change.

 

[bonnie79]

Brilliant word's there. I shall take note of that. Thank you.

 

[raspyaspy]

This is hard especially for someone on the spectrum. I remember assuming anytime someone was whispering and laughing about me that they were calling me a lesbian. I was very uncomfortable about being outed because kids in my school threatened to kill kids they even THOUGHT were gay (in retrospect, the guy that most comes to mind probably had some issues coming to terms with his own sexuality). The thing I wanted to do which would have helped but been a big risk to me was starting a GSA to create a safe space and to also meet others who were LGBT or supportive. I tried talking to a teacher to get it started but had a panic attack and became too vague and gave up. I had too much social anxiety to be a leader. But I wish I had done it, it might have spared other kids some pain to feel less alone. You would be surprised how many kids you know will come out as soon as they graduate and get out of there.

My recommendation is to surround yourself with supportive people and get comfortable with your identity. People who use language like "faggot", "retard" or "that's so gay" are exposing their own inadequate vocabulary and limited expressions. It shows immaturity, most people who want friends in college will probably change that as they meet diverse people who will take offense and be able to say "you know, I'M gay" or "my sister has Down syndrome and it hurts her feelings when people use that word in a demeaning way". If you are able, the best way to stop some of those people now is to respond to it directly by saying, "you know, I'M gay, and even if you don't mean it offensively, it is demeaning to gay people." But that may not feel safe, you could instead say you have a friend/cousin/whatever though it will be less effective.

Be strong. High school will pass and being LGBT in college is the best.

 

[wyverary]

I am so sorry to hear of your current situation. I do believe that hearing people use such derogatory slurs is an indirect form of bullying; it may not be directed at a particular person, but it does make that person feel like an oppressed minority, an outcast. I agree, things will likely be better on this front once you reach college. Take heart; I know it's a cliché, but it really does get better. Hugs.

wyv

 

[Sociallyugh]

Hello there

I myself come from a small town, I am an aspie, and I am a gay man. Three pretty big things we have in common..
I'm absolutely new to the website and this was the first post I saw. So if you'd like to shoot me a message, I'm sure we could find something to talk about.
:]

 

[Sociallyugh]

Hello there

I myself come from a small town, I am an aspie, and I am a gay man. Three pretty big things we have in common..
I'm absolutely new to the website and this was the first post I saw. So if you'd like to shoot me a message, I'm sure we could find something to talk about.
:]

AND ACCORDING TO YOUR PROFILE WE ARE BOTH FROM NEVADA. HAHA WHAT ARE THE CHANCES

 

[4gottenLoreKali]

I like to consider myself as bisexual in private (and on the internet) and straight to everyone else, IRL. I'm completely fine with this. Although, my mother, the sociopath that she is, did once find one of my journals and blackmail me about my sexuality (which doesn't just include being attracted to both guys and girls, but something else beyond my control that many find completely disgusting). Enough about me.

My advice to you would be to ride this out if you can. I know it's probably not much consolation but I find that keeping your head low and not stirring the pot is best. Be proud of who you are - yes, but don't jeopardize yourself in an environment that you know is hostile by shooting yourself in the foot. There will be plenty of time for "letting your freak flag fly" (please pardon the stupid expression) when you're out of school. I'm sorry if this advice may seem a little insensitive.

I, too, grew up in a completely stupid town, and the majority of their citizens' attitudes toward alternative sexualities were stupid and uneducated. Not only that, but they too used "gay" as an insult quite a lot, and I found it annoying and stupid. I'm glad to be out of there and in college now.