singing off tone (two part thread)

[pamelaperejil]

(pulled from another mental health forum)

When you commit a social faux pas, sing out of tune with the choir:

Is this because you actually don't hear the tone they're singing is different than yours? Or you do hear and you just don't think it matters, for some reason? Or do you hear it and believe that their pitch is wrong, that it's a point of honor to keep singing your pitch even though you'll take heat for it?

They always tell you, just be yourself, right? That's what garners the most respect. Well, this is me being myself and it certainly hasn't garnered respect, though I don't see what's absolutely wrong with it.

I think frequently I hear the pitch is different and I convince myself that it doesn't matter. That it's simply not important for us all to be on the same pitch. (Why is it important for us all to be on the same pitch???)

Other times, I fail to even note there's a difference.

Other times I note the difference and keep singing anyway because I believe it's right and it matters. Even though I know I'll take heat for it. Sometimes I'm just right.

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Do you try to change in order to fit in better or conform to social expectations? If yes, then do you feel like you're betraying yourself or others by being insincere? Do you try to change your thoughts/emotions or just your presentation of them? If no, then is NOT modifying your behavior worth the social price? I'm struggling with this.

To me, there's something of great value in being that blunt and unfiltered that would be lost if I tried to clean up my presentation. And I'm not sure it's worth the social points I would gain. I don't trust people who play the social game. I also wonder if going a little rogue serves as an important litmus test. A "do you really like me for me" kind of thing. I like idiosyncratic people, and I wouldn't really be comfortable for long amongst people who didn't. So while you're judging me for my gracelessness, I'm judging you for your intolerance. Maybe going all aspie on you is the easiest way to test whether or not we're compatible. Besides, I don't need that may friends, really. I'm okay being an outlier instead of a standard deviation. So...I don't know.

What do you think?

 

[Nervous Rex]

I tell people that I am not just tone deaf, I’m tone dead. I was asked to participate in a choir once, then asked to just stand there, mouth the words and not make any noise. I will whistle while doing housework and sometimes, after whistling for 10-15 minutes, my wife will say, “Oh! That’s the tune you’re whistling!” (Because I accidentally, briefly got the notes right).

For me, I can tell when notes go up or down, but I can’t gauge their “absolute position”. Sing a note and ask me to match it and I can’t tell if I’m matching it or not.

I’ve learned one trick: When I stand next to a strong singer, my chest will vibrate when my tone matches theirs. That’s the only way I can tell when I’m on key. And I’m not on key all the time even then, because it takes a split second to find the key that makes my chest vibrate with their singing.

 

[Progster]

Do you try to change in order to fit in better or conform to social expectations? If yes, then do you feel like you're betraying yourself or others by being insincere? Do you try to change your thoughts/emotions or just your presentation of them? If no, then is NOT modifying your behavior worth the social price? I'm struggling with this.

Yes, I have to. I have a job which involves quite a lot of interaction with people - I'm a language tutor and I have to deal with both students and their parents. In particular, when dealing with parents, I need to conform to social expectations in that I need to be polite and interaction with them needs to be a smooth as possible, if not I risk losing the client. I don't consider myelf to be insincere. I am honest about my opinons and emotions, and where I think they might cause conflict, I do my best to present them in a non-abrasive manner. A lot easier to do in written communication. This is business - it's survival. With social interaction outside of work, I'm a different person, I don't feel the need to act or try to be someone I'm not in order to fit in, that is something I have left behind in the past. I have my limitations - I just don't have the energy and motivation.

 

[Mr Allen]

In my school days they'd sing during Assembly, usually religious songs, I never actually sang but moved my lips to pretend I was doing so, otherwise I would've got in trouble (plus, it was the early to mid 80's, the world and his Budgie mimed in them days lol)