Should I show my face there ever again?

[FreeStone]

I can't believe there was a time I thought I didn't have Asperger's Syndrome.
I am (or possibly was) a regular at a youth organization where I have attended for four years now.
After a major falling out with a group of people I knew there (who I thought were my closest friends) were they finally snapped and cut off all contact with me after bluntly telling me how hurtful, insensitive, impulsive, annoying, and disagreeable I have been for god knows how long.
This lead me to talking with someone and discovering I had autism.
I had no control or say in what I was doing along with no way of possibly knowing how bad I was to all of them.
They had genuine reasons to ditch me and had no idea I was neurodiverse.
Then there are the other fours years where I have undeniably crossed many lines without knowing for many many others.
How do I fix this?
Should I fix this?
Should I still attend this organization?
Should I start again somewhere else?
There is no denying by now that the staff and youth there now know I'm an aspie.
I'm lost at what to do.

 

[Judge]

If you were "lost", you wouldn't have found us. You've taken your first big step. Welcome to AC.

How do you "fix" this? You don't. Autism is for life. But you can adjust to it.

The first step is self-awareness. To learn who and what you are, and learn all your autistic traits and behaviors. And to determine those you have some control over, and whether or not you want to work on them to whatever degree is possible.

Many of us have been "there". Where we've either been cast out or left a group of angry people. In those circumstances I suspect there's not much you can do other to move on.

It's an inherently precarious proposition when considering telling people you've socialized with that you are autistic. More than likely you will not find many people who are sympathetic or have any kind of understanding of high-functioning autism. And many are simply indifferent to recognizing Neurodiversity, and simply have expectations or demands that you should conform to Neurotypical thinking. Best to default to a "need-to-know" basis when considering telling much of anyone you are or may be on the spectrum of autism.

There are a number of tests online you can take to get a feel for where you might be on the spectrum of autism. Also, just doing a lot of reading here and interacting with us might give you that much more perspective on your own perceived autism. Of course none of that replaces a formal evaluation through a medical professional.

https://psychology-tools.com/autism-spectrum-quotient/

http://www.aspietests.org/raads/

 

[FreeStone]

Thank you and I'll give one of the tests a try sometime soon.

 

[DanR]

How do I fix this?
Should I fix this?
Should I still attend this organization?
Should I start again somewhere else?
There is no denying by now that the staff and youth there now know I'm an aspie.
I'm lost at what to do.

Is your heart to clear the air with those people? To try to set things right? To let them know you've come to a new understanding, and that you weren't TRYING to be hurtful?
If you walk away, that experience will always be a rock in your stomach, and the longer you let it go, the more difficult it will be to retrace. I suggest that if you want your conscience clear, you have to speak with them (probably individually - you're thinking of individual instances, I'm sure). Like the one you're thinking of right now, what if you talked to that one person? You don't have to tell the details if you don't want, but maybe let them know some of the contents of your post here. You don't even have to mention neuro diversity or AS or whatever.
What if you said "Sorry I was... " and then put in whatever they said.
Last time I did that, the other person immediately came down on me like a ton of bricks, but I just let them vent. Soon it was over.