Self-focus and neglecting partner

[Jason5]

I am really struggling with my relationship to the point that my relationship with my partner is almost over, and part of me think it’s deserved. And it’s annoying as she is amazing and has been so understand to my issues. She is definitely more than I deserve.

I can’t get my OCD and self-focus in check, we have discussed it to many times. But every time there is a mistake I fall back into it. That and trying to apply logic to overcome her emotional feelings of hurt which never works. I always come to the conclusion of what I have done wrong but it’s like a default setting that I revert back to with every problem.

Please help.

 

[Tom]

Things often feel, and may well be beyond self help techniques. Have you ever tried to get professional help (ie. mental health) ?

 

[Neonatal RRT]

To oversimplify, OCD is a combination of an anxiety/fear-based behavior pattern and an hyper excitable neurotransmitter imbalance. You have a need to control whatever it is you need to control, your brain needs reassurance, and your brain keeps firing on "repeat". All this makes it frustratingly difficult to focus, because of these intrusive thoughts. Other people create a "chaos" variable, something you can't control, but you try to anyway. People get upset with you.

I worked with someone for many years that, I think, she sincerely "suffered" from it. It effected all aspects of her life. She would have her good days and bad days, but the bad days were Hell for her co-workers. It even led to paranoia. She was always on the backs of her heels trying to defend herself against real and imagined persecutions and accusations. If anyone was talking, she would stop and ask if they were talking about her, etc. She would get highly emotional. I could tell she was having a rough go of it, and I tried so hard to be empathetic and defend her, but some days, her behaviors would even trigger me into anger, and that's not easy to do. It progressively and noticeably got worse over the years, and was basically persuaded to to retire early.

I am thinking some combination of therapies and medications would likely help minimize things for you.

 

[Judge]

I am really struggling with my relationship to the point that my relationship with my partner is almost over, and part of me think it’s deserved. And it’s annoying as she is amazing and has been so understand to my issues. She is definitely more than I deserve.

I can’t get my OCD and self-focus in check, we have discussed it to many times. But every time there is a mistake I fall back into it. That and trying to apply logic to overcome her emotional feelings of hurt which never works. I always come to the conclusion of what I have done wrong but it’s like a default setting that I revert back to with every problem.

Please help.

You might start by having a medical professional guide you in terms of whether or not you are truly dealing with OCD alone, or rather OCPD which strikes me as something likely to be more problematic relative to interacting with others.

Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD)

Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) is a personality disorder that’s characterized by extreme perfectionism, order, and neatness.

www.healthline.com

 

[Au Naturel]

But every time there is a mistake...

What kind of mistake?

Consider couple's therapy.