• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Revisiting unpleasant experiences

M

Moomin

“My servants never die!”
A few weeks ago, I lost my job. One of my jobs. Obviously, I don’t want to go into it too much because then I’ll end up going over and over about it on here again, when there’s a thread already describing what happened....

Unfortunately. It’s been brought up again. My mom works for the same boss, who is now behaving antagonistic towards her. She blames me. Because apparently he wasn’t like that towards her, until after that Saturday. My dad has pretty much shouted at me to get over this, and to stop digging...that obviously mom had a bad day, isn’t able to always handle negative feedback and has to always have something or someone to blame. My sibling is more helpful but I feel like I’m bothering them with it. I genuinely thought that I could focus on my other work which is going well, that what happened sucked but it’s a learning experience, that I should never have been put into that situation, but now that she’s bought it up again, is blaming me for his attitude (and he was questionable before that Saturday) it’s now coming rushing back and I don’t want to get caught into the usual rut of analyzing, upset, meltdown...I just recovered from all of that.

Obviously, this isn’t an isolated issue l if something or someone triggers unpleasant experiences, I have the tendency to revisit. I do not do it for enjoyment, it’s like my mind caught let go and move on and continues to replay it.

I’m not sure if this is a rant...but does anyone else have this?
 
Yes, all the time. This whole year I've been going through a very difficult time in one particular aspect of my life. Everything goes quiet for a week or two and then there's some small development and it's all on the surface again. I'm in crisis mode for a day, two, three even, then I start to come down again. It's not easy to manage.
I don't have any tips for you but I can assure you you're not alone in this tendency to rehash problems, even old solved problems.
 
And now she’s having a go at me for not doing the dishwasher....when I did do it, the dishwasher takes a few hours to do it. And at finish they are too hot for me to touch. It’s not my fault that she uses all the dishes when cooking.

I feel like im loosing it again. I have had to walk away. To try to calm down butbthid is just too much.
 
Yes, I do. I'll get mad all over again when I think of something from years ago. I have to tell myself to let it go. I still want to go to those bosses and tell them how wrong they were. Even if I ultimately won, I want them to know I was in the right. I hate when I do this.... and here I go with some of those memories - to myself: LET IT GO.
And your mom needs to learn to stop blaming other people and your dad needs to quit letting her blame you and telling you to deal with it.
 
I don't know the people involved, obviously, so I'm wondering if it's at all a possibility to talk to her? Basically what you said here. You're feeling overwhelmed, her behavior is difficult to handle, etc. Something diplomatic and not blaming, more like pleading or asking or suggesting. Something like that. Please tone it down a little, I'm still recovering from the incident, so on and such.
 
Moomin said:
I’m not sure if this is a rant...but does anyone else have this?
Click to expand...
Yeah I do. I've been keeping my feelings bottled up for a long time. And now I intend on making a thread detailing what happened to me and asking how I can be strong.
 
I actually dealt with unfair behaviour from bosses at the time and in fact, when I do think of those times, it gives me a chuckle at my audacity. Strange, because as I get older, it gets worse and many times I have encountered shocking things said to me, but not dealt with it and thus, rehash often.

To be honest, your mother is.....YOUR MOTHER and should know better. She behaves as though the roles have been reversed!

It is awful when blamed for something and won't let it be explained.

I would escape fast.
 
Fino said:
I don't know the people involved, obviously, so I'm wondering if it's at all a possibility to talk to her? Basically what you said here. You're feeling overwhelmed, her behavior is difficult to handle, etc. Something diplomatic and not blaming, more like pleading or asking or suggesting. Something like that. Please tone it down a little, I'm still recovering from the incident, so on and such.
Click to expand...


I wish that it was possible to talk to her but it isn’t. Well, not unless I expect the situation to escalate or get completely dismissed. To put it another way: my emotions don’t matter. They never really have.

I had a little break down again, so I’m having to rebuild myself. It’s some way relieving that I’m not alone in the rehash revisitings.
 
Yes, it's like it isn't enough for them that it happened and you regret it, but they want to keep reminding you of it and making you pay for it and feel bad over and over again, even when it wasn't actually your fault.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom