Revelations

[Shonda]

Hi everyone. I am very new to this site, but I feel as though I have gained so much insight from being here.

I have mentioned before that my ex boyfriend was an aspie. He never actually told me, I found out by accident. He abruptly ended our relationship. One day it was peaches and cream, the next he said he couldn't do a relationship... it was too hard for him for a variety of reasons.

I initially gave him space. We worked together, so it was difficult and awkward. We said we would remain friends, but we had trouble with this. We are both awkward and neither of us knew how to initiate this friendship. I took it very hard. I felt that every time he hung out with someone other than me, it was as though he was saying "I prefer these people to you." It hurt my feelings like I had never been hurt before. I confronted him on a few occasions about it, asking why he would do this, etc. The conversations were tearful on my end, and I could see that it was causing him pain.

However, it wasn't until I joined this site, and began talking to so many of you kind people, that I realized that my behavior was so selfish. The relationship ended abruptly, and I never (to this day) got the closure I needed. I didn't realize that these confrontations I initiated would be so painful for him, for so many reasons.

I have since learned to give him the space he needs to live his life in peace. Ultimately, I learned too late. I hope one day, I have the chance to apologize to him for the selfish and insecure way that I acted, and possibly tell him my reasons for it. The hardest part about all of it is that he doesn't even know that I know about his diagnosis.

Many people say to leave the past in the past. But some people change your life completely. Those are the hardest ones to say goodbye to.

 

[vangelis]

Many people say to leave the past in the past. But some people change your life completely. Those are the hardest ones to say goodbye to.

From experience it can be impossible, even if you want to, which I personally don't. A big part of my heart and mind is way back with someone who turned my world upside down as an 18 year old and I'm stuck there if I am being absolutely honest. Can be tough at times but also really good.

 

[SusanLR]

I can never leave the past in the past either.
When something is good, why would I want to change it?
I don't and I don't take to change well at all.
This is part of the reason I don't trust enough to let myself become really involved with relationships.
They are too fickle and turn their emotions on you in an instant.
Without trust there can't be true open love.

 

[vangelis]

I can never leave the past in the past either.
When something is good, why would I want to change it?
I don't and I don't take to change well at all.
This is part of the reason I don't trust enough to let myself become really involved with relationships.
They are too fickle and turn their emotions on you in an instant.
Without trust there can't be true open love.

I thought even at the time that nothing would match this and that is the case. It has affected every subsequent relationship and makes things difficult for our respective o/h's now, there is such a thin line between pain and pleasure and tough to traverse. The emotional bond is the key and I only ever completely had that as a teenager.

 

[Bolletje]

For a over 10 years I had lingering feelings for my first boyfriend, and couldn't help reminiscing and wondering what things would be like if we met again. Luckily, we met again, a couple of times over the years, and every time I found out more pieces of how romanticized my image of him was. I had literally been blinded by my own memories. The guy turned out to be incredibly sleazy, he didn't age well either. Suffice to say I was permanently cured of that infatuation.
I still remember how I felt when we were together, but now I recognize it to be just that, memories.

 

[Shonda]

For a over 10 years I had lingering feelings for my first boyfriend, and couldn't help reminiscing and wondering what things would be like if we met again. Luckily, we met again, a couple of times over the years, and every time I found out more pieces of how romanticized my image of him was. I had literally been blinded by my own memories. The guy turned out to be incredibly sleazy, he didn't age well either. Suffice to say I was permanently cured of that infatuation.
I still remember how I felt when we were together, but now I recognize it to be just that, memories.

Doesn't it feel good to know? You hear stories of people reconnecting after years, and it works out or it doesn't. But the nice thing is ultimately knowing, right? I honestly hope I can reconnect with him one day and know for sure. Some people say I am being stubborn, and romanticizing, etc. But I hope one day I can realize for sure he is the right or wrong one.

 

[vangelis]

We agreed never to meet again and have not even seen pictures of each other since although we have remained in contact by email from time to time. It's like a little time capsule which we can both think back to and remind ourselves what we meant to each other back then - it really was a unique and amazing time for us.

 

[Shonda]

We agreed never to meet again and have not even seen pictures of each other since although we have remained in contact by email from time to time. It's like a little time capsule which we can both think back to and remind ourselves what we meant to each other back then - it really was a unique and amazing time for us.

Some relationships are like that. And they are beautiful even if they don't last.

 

[vangelis]

Some relationships are like that. And they are beautiful even if they don't last.

Yes this was just so special we had a couple of years together and the memories are so vivid, it was like yesterday.