Re-adjusting to sudden changes

[Droopy]

How do you react to sudden changes? Can you easily re-adjust?

Example: if your set on going out with a friend to do activity "A" and instead you get offered to do activity "B" at the last minute.

Would you be OK with that on such short notice of the plans changing? What if you don't really like activity "B"?

Another example: your favourite food has package design and taste "A" but one day changes the package design and taste to "B".

How would you react? I've read that people on the spectrum "don't like surprises".

 

[superboyian]

I can adjust to sudden changes at times but half of the times, I don't normally take it too well, but I actually prefer to be told before the change, but it mainly affects IRL.

 

[Droopy]

I don't normally take it too well, but I actually prefer to be told before the change, but it mainly affects IRL.

I hate being told of a change in plan at the last minute. I like advance notice. It's not fair to be told "A" and then at the last minute be told "B".

 

[petrossa]

I go with the flow if I've nothing else previewed. If i do, i can hardly get myself to support the change. I hate changing my routines though. Every routine has to be done the same in the same order or i get cranky. Getting up, take a shower, feed the dog, drink coffee. Absolutely not any other sequence.

Therefore i hate to stay overnight elsewhere then at home.

 

[PanPaniscus]

Well, I would not be happy at all at the first scenario, I would want to do activity A like we said, but I will get over it even if I am pissed off at first.

I would not mind the food scenario, because my resistance to change doesn't usually apply to food.

 

[Droopy]

Well, I would not be happy at all at the first scenario, I would want to do activity A like we said, but I will get over it even if I am pissed off at first.

I would not mind the food scenario, because my resistance to change doesn't usually apply to food.

Yeah, same. I think the problem for me is that usually if there is a change, it happens at the last minute and without warning.

I used the food scenario because it was brought up on Aspergic once, so there might be others who's resistance to change applies to food.

 

[PanPaniscus]

Yeah, same. I think the problem for me is that usually if there is a change, it happens at the last minute and without warning.

For me my reactions to last minute change of plans vary from disappointment to "but why???" to absolutely livid depending on how important it is to me.
My last extreme reaction was back in january on my birthday when my plans had to get postponed, I ended up throwing the biggest tantrum/meltdown known to man, it would have looked perfect on an overdramatised film. And I felt fragile and crappy for the rest of the fay afterwards. But incidences like that are quite rare, I usually react less overtly.

 

[superboyian]

For me my reactions to last minute change of plans vary from disappointment to "but why???" to absolutely livid depending on how important it is to me.
My last extreme reaction was back in january on my birthday when my plans had to get postponed, I ended up throwing the biggest tantrum/meltdown known to man, it would have looked perfect on an overdramatised film. And I felt fragile and crappy for the rest of the fay afterwards. But incidences like that are quite rare, I usually react less overtly.

I know how you feel, it was like the same thing when I got had my date with my girlfriend postponed and of course, it seemed I didn't seem to take it too well. :lol2:

 

[PanPaniscus]

I know how you feel, it was like the same thing when I got had my date with my girlfriend postponed and of course, it seemed I didn't seem to take it too well. :lol2:

Pssshhh. I bet you took it well compared to me :lol2:

 

[Droopy]

My last extreme reaction was back in january on my birthday when my plans had to get postponed, I ended up throwing the biggest tantrum/meltdown known to man, it would have looked perfect on an overdramatised film. And I felt fragile and crappy for the rest of the fay afterwards. But incidences like that are quite rare, I usually react less overtly.

I know the feeling.

I was planning my last birthday for months and trying to get everyone off work/school/college to attend. I went through a ton of different plans and ideas trying to cater for everyone (even though it was my birthday lol). I was getting really excited and wanted it to go perfect. The day before my birthday, my brother gets called into hospital for a kidney transplant. Needless to say, I canceled my party plans to be with him. I suppose I could have still held the party but it wouldn't be the same without him and I feel more comfortable in social situations if he's there too. I did get pissed but I understood that things just happen like that and no-one planned for it to happen so close to my birthday.

Another example: Me, my brother and a friend went to Ayr in Scotland during the summer of last year. My friend organised it but I put forward a few ideas of things that I would like to do while we were over there. One of those things was to visit Edinburgh for a day. It was generally agreed that we would do that. On the night before we were due to get the train to Edinburgh, my friend got drunk and locked out of his hotel room. He ended up crashing in my room and basically the whole situation kept us all awake into the early morning. We even had a huge debate about who would go down and ask for a spare key. Naturally I didn't want to do it due to AS, my friend is afraid of people and my brother was lazy lol.

Anyway, we finally got a key and my friend and brother got back into their room again. Although from what I heard, they didn't go to sleep and just stayed up the whole night. I didn't get much sleep that night either because of the whole situation and we had to catch a train early in the morning to Edinburgh. We were completely wrecked that day and could barely stay awake. It was raining too and none of us were in the mood to do anything that was planned. It was just a real pisser of a day. I managed to keep my anger mostly bottled up inside but when we got home after the holiday I let it all out in one go.

Thankfully things like that don't happen often and I generally don't get too angry.

 

[katcha]

My reaction to changes is usually one of confusion and then being more passive than i usually am (which is very passive to begin with!).

 

[jaws]

I would have to say that I tend to shut down if there are sudden changes. It is like my mind stays focused on the original plans and I usually can't even recall the new one after it is over....I also get a little queasy, and start a big internal dialog about how I'm never going to trust "whoever" again, etc. I can usually deal with it through negotiating, like, "It's fine this time, but next week I want to do...". Though it can result in me doing plan A by myself later, just to clear my head.


If I don't have the option of doing it later....then, I would probably have a passive aggressive tantrum and complain the whole time. Or, maybe stand my ground a say I'm doing plan A with or with out you. I'll just say I try not to make specific plans and keep things open to negotiation.


I think I am able to use a lot of things I've learned in sales and psychology to basically manipulate people into keeping plans or doing what I want without being too bossy about it. sort of make them think it is their idea, or would be best for them.

 

[AdoringLove]

I usually get a bit frustrated and angry especially when people expect me to be able to read their minds and they only tell me about 5 mins before that they want to do something which I could have prepared for if they'd told me earlier.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I get grumpy (that's a polite way of saying it) with change. Take Mr. Chef Boyardee for example. If he were to change his recipe on my favorite canned substance "Jumbo Meatballs and Spaghetti" that I've been eating now for a couple of decades, no telling what could happen. I do know it would probably make Mr. Chef Boyardee turn over in his grave several times, though. I just don't like change.

However, there was this one time that my Ma and I went on a spur-of-the-moment road trip (I'm definitely not a spontaneous kind of girl). It was the best trip ever! I think it's because I plan things so much that my expectations get too high so I'm always finding myself disappointed about something that I have planned. Maybe I just need to let loose more often and try not to expect so much outta things then I'd enjoy life more. Hmmm.

 

[Xavier Marik]

I can adjust to sudden changes at times but half of the times, I don't normally take it too well, but I actually prefer to be told before the change, but it mainly affects IRL.

Same here

 

[Archer36]

I dislike surprises ... Sudden changes are horrible. I can be a banality ... like if i have a meeting somewhere ... i'll locate the room to ensure i know what it looks like and everything ... and at the last minute they change room ... that makes my anxiety spike up and it scares me ... Its totally irrational.

 

[Steph06]

Example: if your set on going out with a friend to do activity "A" and instead you get offered to do activity "B" at the last minute.

Would you be OK with that on such short notice of the plans changing? What if you don't really like activity "B"?

Oh I hate when this happens. Depending on the dynamics I will usually just refuse to do activity B. I'd rather stay in and play with my dogs than be dragged out last minute to do something I'm not interested in.

It pisses people off so sometimes I'll suck it up and deal. But my default is definitely to speak up and reiterate my desire for A, and if that fails I'll cancel.

 

[Judge]

Last minute changes? Outwardly I show some frustration. Inward I am exploding...

I hate change. Always have....and yet for some reason I always seemed to fool myself about it. No more....it's who I am and always have been.

That said denial is a strange, yet powerful state of being.

 

[King_Oni]

I tend to not make a habit of things too much so within that "chaos" there's little that can change and throw me off I guess.

I've talked to therapists about change and how that's an issue with ASD in general and how it affects me. One of the main things they figured is that because of my less rigid thinking and comorbid ADHD is that I can handle changes on the go a lot easier to some extent.

The issues that arise, and they might, or might not be ASD related; I usually need some time to adjust and settle in. I need to gain a bit of momentum I guess. Though perhaps it has more to do with my inability to do things in small amounts and really need to immerse myself.

As for change that is imposed by others. I deal with that horribly, but that's not because it's change, but because it's change that others impose upon me. I'm not going to let others decide what I should do instead and what changes how. That's probably way more of an ego issue. I change things a lot at times and people tend to have a hard time keeping up, but at least I know what I'm changing and why I'm changing it. Others, meh.. not so much. Why would I want to hurl myself in a situation that I didn't choose and prepare for myself?

Perhaps I'm slightly agressive in that approach as well. Where I often hear someone on the spectrum dealing with change that remains rigid for a while, I tend to go the opposite way and agressively change it even more... perhaps along the linese of "well, since we're changing things anyway, let's change things so I like them as well". Example; My partner tells me we're having cooked potatoes today. Fine, we're having potatoes and I like cooked potatoes. Then suddenly a change comes up and we decide to have fries instead. I've experienced situations with aspie friends who went "but you said cooked potatoes"... I'm someone who will be: "screw potatoes... I'll have enchiladas instead".

That all being said, I generally don't even put myself in a position where people can change on the fly. I tend to take control and it's me who might change plans, not others.

 

[grapesicles]

I don't deal well with change at all! People have said things to me like "nothing stays the same forever" and I hate it. Even things like new decorations around the house or, like others have said, my favourite food is discontinued, will cause my anxiety levels to shoot up just because this new thing is 'different' (regardless of whether its actually a good change or not), though this depends on the severity of the change. I feel like any changes I don't have control over just either make me panic or make me feel really down.

I think Tesco are discontinuing Amy's mac & cheese (my favourite) which worries me, because it's so good! Just hoping I can find another store which still sells it. Even if it means going really far out of my way to get hold of it!