Quarter-life crisis!!

[Alysha]

I'm a 20something trying to figure out where I am going in life: career-wise, family/lifestyle, and still trying to learn a lot about myself. Anyone else out there going through this issue right now?

 

[Spiller]

Hey Alysha, I've been through it.. I had no direction at all throughout school, when everyone else wanted to be a vet or whatever.. college and my first jobs brought in money, but no direction.. even when I married and started my own business I found I was working hard, but had no idea what for..

I wonder now if it's due partly to a lack of friends/partners/socialising and Faith.

I feel I'm finally on the way to finding direction now I'm really considering those questions - I've never been good at socialising and I'd kind of forgotten how important my Faith is.
I want to get back to work soon, after my two year sabbatical, earn some money, then try to figure out how to use it to make me happy - small steps toward a contentment that has eluded me so far but that I feel is out there..

How's your social life and Faith?

 

[Alysha]

I have some friends and a supportive family for the most part. My faith helps me stay "grounded" and helps me realize what's important in my life. I pray all the time for guidance, wisdom, and direction.

 

[Alysha]

I'm at the age when my peers are getting married, having kids, and leading successful careers. Sometimes I just feel like I am significantly "behind" in life.

 

[Spiller]

I think this is common for us on the Spectrum - we don't fit into the normal state of things.
All I can say is.. earn money, go places, do things, try not to get taken advantage of.

It's taken me my lifetime and looking back, then discovering I have Aspergers to realise that #1 and #4 are easy, #2 and #3 I still need to do.
I still feel like I'm way behind, still feel like I've yet to start living my life.. I want to travel, meet someone..

.. Small steps toward contentment.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Just go out and work some different jobs for a while, and keep your ears open. If you pick a place that nearly everybody has to use like a gas station, grocery store, or bank, you'll be exposed to a wide variety of professions. If you're any good at small talk you can treat it as an extended interview process until one strikes your fancy.

 

[Mia]

I don't know if there's really a 'time limit' to what we get to do with our lives, unless we measure it against society's strictures. If your desire is to have a home, car and children by a certain age, then what's really left for yourself? Do you get to do the things you want to do? Or do you do what you think is expected, with no thought for whatever you really want, whatever that might be.

After all these 'rules' of society were created to keep an economy functioning, to spend and buy, to have children, to keep order in chaos. It's very much about control of the population. Anyone who deviates, including 'aspies' or doesn't contribute in the expected way, eventually will not fit in, because they think and question. Looking at all sides, measuring one thing against the other, deciding perhaps that the illusion of fitting in is just a massive trick to keep you in line.

It's interesting to note that most of the great thinkers, inventors, innovators did not fit it, they lived on the edge of society, not wanting really to be part of all the fakery. Not that I'm comparing myself to any of them, but that doesn't mean that I have to swallow the dream of socialization about what I'm supposed to be. I get to think for myself, and I get to make my own choices.

 

[Spiller]

I really don't know if there's really a 'time limit' to what we get to do with our lives, unless we measure it against society's strictures. If your desire is to have a home, car and children by a certain age, then what's really left for yourself? Do you get to do the things you want to do? Or do you do what you think is expected, with no thought for whatever you really want, whatever that might be.

After all these 'rules' of society were created to keep an economy functioning, to spend and buy, to have children, to keep order in chaos. It's very much about control of the population. Anyone who deviates, including 'aspies' or doesn't contribute in the expected way, eventually will not fit in, because they think and question. Looking at all sides, measuring one thing against the other, deciding perhaps that the illusion of fitting in is just a massive trick to keep you in line.

It's interesting to note that most of the great thinkers, inventors, innovators did not fit it, they lived on the edge of society, not wanting really to be part of all the fakery. Not that I'm comparing myself to any of them, but that doesn't mean that I have to swallow the dream of socialization about what I'm supposed to be. I get to think for myself, and I get to make my own choices.

I too came to the conclusion that Societies 'Promise' is really a lie, a con to separate you from your hard earned money..

Society tells you that 'The Right Way to Live and Be Happy' is to get an education, get married, buy a home, have 2.4 kids, pay into a pension and life insurance, own a smart 'status' car, join a gym.. and on it goes.. don't bother putting your wallet away.. in fact, stay at work!

There's no mention, when you agree by default to these 'terms', of how desperate your situation may be if your long-term partner breaks up with you, if you become disabled, if your pension company goes bancrupt, if inflation means you can't pay your mortgage and your home is repossessed, if the next Government initiative means you have to sign a zero-hour contract.. if the no parking sign outside your business means you have to pay several parking fines a month to load/unload..

You still paid your taxes all those years, you were (mostly) a model citizen, you were told you would have support if the worst happened, you were led to believe everything would be ok..

You were lied to!

Look around at all the people who live alternative lifestyles.. why do they do it? Why do they ignore modern conveniences?

Because the modern lifestyle is a honey trap!
You get drawn in, everything's ok for a while, then one day you realise you're working all the overtime available just to keep your home.. the boiler breaks down and you can't afford to fix it, the partner has a secret spending addiction and affairs because you're working all the time to pay for crap like dishwasher tablets and pet fashion..

I, if you'll excuse the unwholesome imagery, vomited up that dream several years ago and put my money saving DIY skills to work refitting an old boat to live on. Now virtually all my money is my own as my mooring fees are a fraction of what I'd have to pay on rent or another mortgage.
I now have the chance to catch up on the 25 years I lost to this con, I live in my favourite hobby of all time and I open my front door to a great river view.. ok, it's rough having to greet and feed all the ducks and swans every day, the cosy wood burning fire takes an hour to fire up in the winter and my few neighbours insist on plying me with beer every weekend.. but I cope.. somehow.. and with just a little glee

 

[watersprite]

I'm a 20something trying to figure out where I am going in life: career-wise, family/lifestyle, and still trying to learn a lot about myself. Anyone else out there going through this issue right now?

Alysha - sending well wishes.
It's good you have the wisdom and strength of mind to ponder them now, as one can have all or some of those issues during their 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's, and 70's even.

 

[Jacoby]

To say the least, I am returning to school now at 24 after years of not doing much of anything. It's hard being so isolated and seeing all these people my age and younger having normal friendships and relationships. You are lucky to have your faith, it has been hard to find much comfort in anything for too long.

 

[Cosmophylla]

I'm a 20something trying to figure out where I am going in life: career-wise, family/lifestyle, and still trying to learn a lot about myself. Anyone else out there going through this issue right now?

Hi Alysha, I'm still trying to figure out where I'm going career-wise, even lifestyle-wise, and I'm turning 40 in a week. I feel behind as well. I've taken time out from my (non-existent) career to raise two kids, and I'm scared that it's too late for me to start a new career. What I want to do now (horticulture/land management/gardening/plant biosecurity) is completely different from what I studied at university (visual arts) so I'm really behind the 8-ball, and things I've done in between (teaching English, translation, selling homemade stuff at a market, sewing bags and scarves to sell, etc.).

That said, when I was your age I had no real ambition or direction. At least as I've grown older I understand myself and my interests better. What I'm trying to say, not very eloquently, is that you have plenty of time and that you will find a way through. Hang in there.

 

[Pandorum]

I'm a 20something trying to figure out where I am going in life: career-wise, family/lifestyle, and still trying to learn a lot about myself. Anyone else out there going through this issue right now?

You're not alone. I'm in my mid-twenties and have absolutely no idea what I want to do. I'm in the middle of doing a Bachelor's degree in IT but thinking of switching to photography but am unsure if I will end up wanting to do it professionally.

I have no idea what to do with my life, at all, and it scares me.

 

[Abe1]

I'm a 20something trying to figure out where I am going in life: career-wise, family/lifestyle, and still trying to learn a lot about myself. Anyone else out there going through this issue right now?

I'm at the age when my peers are getting married, having kids, and leading successful careers. Sometimes I just feel like I am significantly "behind" in life.

I think most people in their twenties feel the same way and other people are correct in saying that Aspies have it deeper than most. I myself have just turned 40, and am feeling some of the things you are, most of my work colleagues have a family, even those who are over ten years younger than me. I definitely feel behind in life,

I wish I was more confident and was able to take holidays on my own, and meet a nice woman and settle down, but I am too scared too. I was only "diagnosed" a month or so ago, and so much makes sense, (even though I still fight it).

Be bold and do the things you want to now.

 

[Alysha]

You're not alone. I'm in my mid-twenties and have absolutely no idea what I want to do. I'm in the middle of doing a Bachelor's degree in IT but thinking of switching to photography but am unsure if I will end up wanting to do it professionally.

I have no idea what to do with my life, at all, and it scares me.

I totally understand your situation. I'm currently pursuing my 2nd BS in Medical Technology. I've always liked science and the human body fascinates me. I just pray that this is a career that will fit me and that I excel in the field.

 

[Alysha]

Let me clarify that...the degree I'm currently pursuing is Med Tech. The first one is in Rec Therapy with plans to go into Occupational Therapy. I realized during my clinical rotations that RT wasn't my niche.