Hi Kristy!
What a parenting club to unwittingly join! I am lucky enough to have 3 super cool kids. All exceptional and all female. My 12 year old has HF ASD. I was internally freaking out when she piped up one afternoon-- "Ah mom, I think I have my first period." She was 11 then, and I had hoped to get by with maybe another year, but life marches on. Her older sister had been menstruating for a couple of years, so at least the idea was not totally foreign.
Ever since my girls were showing physical signs of puberty, I had packed a clean pair of underwear with a maxi pad already applied, folded and stored in a small Ziploc bag and hidden in a school backpack pocket. The girls knew what it was for, and also had it with them on any sleep overs, camps, etc. They were told that if they got their 1st period when away from home, not to panic, just to change into the clean pair of panties with pad, and put the soiled pair into the Ziploc to bring home. That act saved my eldest dtr from an embarrassing day at school. I also have had maxi pads ready and waiting in the house since the girls were younger, and they knew where they were stored.
My 12 yo dtr. is the "absent-minded professor" to use a stereotype. She will hyperfocus, but then completely miss much of what's going on around her. She is extremely sensitive emotionally, but doesn't notice physical discomfort until it's extreme. I was really worried about how she would manage the hygiene aspect of periods-- esp. at school or away from home. She loves to read, so I had given her a few books about puberty (Care and Keeping of Girls... etc.) and had answered questions as she had them-- prior to her getting her 1st period. I found it way more comfortable for both of us, to let her read then ask questions, rather than me giving 'the talk'. When she got her the first time, I gave her hugs and congrats, but didn't make a huge deal about it otherwise. We went right to the practical side of things. Figured thru trial and error what kind of pads worked best for her. For school, packed her a little 'pencil case' pouch containing flushable wet-wipes and maxi pads. Put a discrete reminder in her daytimer to change her pad at lunch break. Picked low-risk outfits (no tight white shorts) and included a hoodie or long sleeved shirt which she could wear around her waist if a leak happened. It's really unpredictable for most girls starting out with periods, as to how they will present, and when. After sitting in a school chair for hour(s), then getting up, there is often a sudden flow moment which only good maxi-pads will handle.
Personal hygiene like hand/ body washing is an ongoing work in progress. Reminders are good. Household 'protocol' for washing soiled panties/ sheets was introduced right away. My girls know how to initially deal with those items, and where to put them so I can help finish any clean ups. Still, my middle dtr. tends to not notice on occasion, so I help her out. I get the girls to be specific about which products they like or don't like. They know to remind me if we need to add products to the grocery list. We don't hide our discussions (poor Dad) in our house.
The best strategies have been: be prepared, and treat nothing menstruation-related as shameful or embarrassing. Periods are just a normal part of life, and get easier to manage the older you get and more practice you have. My parents were very conservative and said nothing to me, so dealing with periods was fraught with anxiety. We have gone the other direction with our girls. Mistakes will happen, and learning right along with them. 8 periods since her 1st one, and my 12 yo is handling things more capably each time.
I will stop there. Many more 'private issues' left on the table tho! Swim parties, for eg
