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Please Help Guys

Hot and cold, sounds like you have yourself a bit of an estranged aspie there. Sometimes we can get very, very close and over-share, likely what was happening at the start with the flirtiness, and then poof, no more. Generally, at least in my case, either something about this person has bothered me, or something in my life is bothering me, that's what causes me to draw away from people with no warning. Patience of course is important, but so is communication, if not more so. Perhaps talk to him about it? If that does not work, then perhaps rethink this relationship, are you willing to put in the extra effort for such a relationship? They can be very, tricky, at times. Anywho, that's just my thoughts.
 
Flygirl said:
Help me...I am a NT with the most amazing HFA neighbour whom I adore and cherish and falling more in love with every time I see him and spend quality time with.
He has Cassanova'me'd Role Played sexually and WOW how FAB was that.but now stop me like a stone sexually and expects me to just switch my feelings off...I can't...I know I was getting through like a heat seeking missile and thays why I get kicked to the curb. Why do you come at me like a freight train..and then drop me like a stone when I start to make progress.. aloof..uncaring..like none of it mattered...? Give me advice please..
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Hi Flygirl. Welcome to AF!!!

I am sorry you are having such a hard time with your favorite Aspie. I am not sure that you will be able to work out whatever happened in your relationship. It would be nice if you can make it all better.

We have this handy saying, "Once you've met one Aspie, you've met one Aspie". Some of us have a lot in common but we really are rugged individualists. You are stuck on a one-of-a-kind Aspie. We can talk all day and not hit on whatever happened to your sweetie. He is ultimately the only one who can let you know on what probably happened inside him. I hope he will tell you and you two can work things out.

I am really proud of everyone for coming up with such great insights to help Amanda out with her favorite Aspie.
 
hi flygirl

tough situation. you are obviously very into him. he may be very into you but cant express himself well now that it is beyond the great sex phase and he retreats not knowing how to progress a relationship. he may feel overwhelmed by your attention and needs. he may feel scared of relationships after a bad one with his ex. he may have other issues. or he may be just an a-hole that gets bored after the initial chase.

only way find out is to be patient, communicate very clearly, communicate without strong passion, and be willing to take a chance.
 
Hi and welcome here.
Momo said:
Generally, at least in my case, either something about this person has bothered me, or something in my life is bothering me, that's what causes me to draw away from people with no warning
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This is how I am with people and relationships.
To me polarizing and compartmentalizing means I am trying to keep my emotions on an even level. Not going overboard one way or the other. It is too overwhelming. Then I get confused and feel disoriented. I start to put things in their own area of my mind as too many things being thought about at once also causes over thinking.

The sexual part can physically be impossible as the psyche can cause total shutdown there. I have recently become very attracted to an ASD man who has went through a bad relationship, health problems, and he is incapable in the sex dept. right now. But, I love him and feel a great romantic attraction. He is very open and says I am the only person he can just be himself around now. Talking about things we like in common and keeping it all easy has been the key. He is feeling more optimistic about life than he has in a long time. More self esteem too. The way I feel with him means so much more than sex. Lucky for him I guess. Hopeful on this one. There is a feeling of connection. Hard for Aspies to find.
 
Wow.. I feel truly blessed that you all have taken time to post replies, and how helpful they have all been. Thank you.
Question for SusanLR...or any others who do tge same...you used two words he has also used. He says he polarizes his emotions and has compartmentalized me...what does that really mean???
 
Also question for you Gentlemen..
He says the Smokey eye make up, the swinging hips and the hot underwear is not something he finds sexy. .!! What is your definition of Sexy??? (He won't say)
 
Flygirl said:
Also question for you Gentlemen..
He says the Smokey eye make up, the swinging hips and the hot underwear is not something he finds sexy. .!! What is your definition of Sexy??? (He won't say)
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"Sexy" to me is about how you physically relate to another. Not your mere appearance. After all if you get what you want, all those clothes will likely come off, and all that makeup is just going to get smudged. :p

One can be "all dressed up with nowhere to go" if they don't really know what to do with it. ;)

See the movie "Ten". Where the "10" turned out to be only a "2.5" in reality.
 
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I think you should just be yourself, and wear what you feel is comfortable for you, during day and night, and show your personality as it is. If he does not like you for that, too bad. That is you. Too often couples try to just please the other too much, and that rarely works.

With regards to my tastes, prior to my marriage I was attracted to intelligence, modesty, positivity, politeness, open mindedness, honesty, and compassion. Being introverted would have been a plus and a turn on, too, as I like the mystery.

Thus, personality and compatibility was more important than facial looks, physical size and what she wore. All that other stuff, like makeup and skimpy clothes is overrated in my eyes. I would have considered a larger, sweet, and down to earth woman over some model who was selfish, arrogant and high maintenance, or missing other important traits.

If a guy wants to see see through tops and bottoms, or exposures, just go to yahoo news. It's everywhere.
 
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OK so you now intrigue me...why prior to your marriage.?.all.those attributes were important to you?? And now not...??..Whether you know or not...this could well be the most crucial part of my full understanding of what might be.(and yours apparently)...if not too too personal...please share ..would be so inciteful.. And if too poingnant I understand..Thank you anyway for the Insight...Amanda x
 
Flygirl said:
OK so you now intrigue me...why prior to your marriage.?.all.those attributes were important to you?? And now not...??..Whether you know or not...this could well be the most crucial part of my full understanding of what might be.(and yours apparently)...if not too too personal...please share ..would be so inciteful.. And if too poingnant I understand..Thank you anyway for the Insight...Flygirl x
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Did you know the member dadwith2autisticsons is not on the spectrum- mike stouffer is
 
Streetwise said:
Did you know the member dadwith2autisticsons is not on the spectrum- mike stouffer is
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Our two sons have Autism. I was given a suspected diagnosis of Aspergers numerous years ago, as I posted much earlier here, but I never followed up on that as I do not trust doctors to diagnose correctly anyway, especially for conditions that are so similar. I have about 70% of the major signs and symptoms, so who knows if I have it, as supposedly Autism is a genetic condition. Personally, I feel I do not have it though.

Each person with Autism is different anyway, so I do not see the relevance of the diagnosis to answering that question, as long as each relates to Autism in some big way, as each would give a different answer anyway. As well, many here are not even formally diagnosed, but self-diagnosed or they suspect such a condition. The poster never asked for just those formally diagnosed with ASD to reply.

I probably relate to Autism more than several here. I had/have extreme introversion my entire life, OCD rituals, and am hyperaware of any and all details. I have no eye contact, avoided everyone my entire life, am disabled, and so on. So, if your point is to suggest I am an NT, or could not have ASD, look elsewhere Streetwise.

So, until the original poster or moderator says otherwise, I will reply, and word things as I see fit based on the question. That is being polite. Thanks.
 
Flygirl said:
OK so you now intrigue me...why prior to your marriage.?.all.those attributes were important to you?? And now not...??..Whether you know or not...this could well be the most crucial part of my full understanding of what might be.(and yours apparently)...if not too too personal...please share ..would be so inciteful.. And if too poingnant I understand..Thank you anyway for the Insight...Flygirl x
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Ok, I will answer your question, but remember, I feel not like an NT but not really Autistic either, but somewhere in between, if you read my last post to Streetwise.

Prior to my marriage, obviously I was single, so that meant I could be more choosy, and so the focus was in analyzing what was attractive to me in a woman, after having dated some, and through exploring my thoughts and feelings after having had all of my life experiences regarding such.

The more I saw skimpily clad women, the more I grew desensitized to that. This partially led me to want to find a woman that either had those traits I mentioned in my last post to you, that I valued, and were similar to that I had, or instead to meet a woman that had compatible traits.

I felt either is what could lead to long term relationship. Yes, looking like a model and her having confidence is attractive to most guys, but I see that as superficial. I look at things deeper. That physical stuff is short term excitement perhaps, but it does not lead to a healthy marriage I feel.

Also, the more I saw a woman that based their self-esteem on their sexuality, the more I saw this as possibly meaning they were not putting forth efforts elsewhere, or had beliefs that I could not relate to, as sex is a smaller need of mine. I am more attracted to a woman that can admit imperfection, or have a more well rounded side.

This does not mean she cannot have issues, as my wife has many, but, they are compatible issues. She needed help, and I liked helping there. My strengths are good to assist with her limitations or fears, and her abilities help me too in my needs. That is what is attractive to me, and not what she wears, or how naughty she looks. Deeper thinkers often need different or more. That is my opinion just.
 
Wow. Your words hit me so hard I can' hardly breathe....
Yes I am...if I say so myself...worth a second furtive glance as you pass me by.....but yes it's all superficial and Peacockesque...so why does this very simple living...a tad scruffy..and not always sweet smelling..totally NOT my type ...Wonderful...all caring...megawatt smile....omlette cooking for me (that I already know would equate flowers and chocolates from another)..asks me every day if I am OK?,..Opens windows in my house to air it versus doors to let me through...fixes the lock on my front door and mows my lawn whilst I am away.. versus a Lobster dinner and Champagne...
Which would I sooner have....You all.know the answer to that...100 times over....there are some NT Women out there guys who adore you for simply just being you..and would walk over hot coals for you..fight your corner..be fiercely protective over other Women's Intentions to abuse you and lead you astray...for 5 minutes of your full on attention...that very rare intense stare that touches my inner soul..that true felt belly laugh whose timbre makes me catch my breath in my chest..and for all the other..way too many things to list..that makes me wake up every single morning, and be so so grateful that I have this Oh so real, a tad too brutally honest sometimes...(needs sugar coating here and there) solid rock and supporter until the End Of Time..forever friend..xxx
 
IMG_0986.JPG
This my definition of sexy, this look.
 
Dadwith2Autisticsons said:
Our two sons have Autism. I was given a suspected diagnosis of Aspergers numerous years ago, as I posted much earlier here, but I never followed up on that as I do not trust doctors to diagnose correctly anyway, especially for conditions that are so similar. I have about 70% of the major signs and symptoms, so who knows if I have it, as supposedly Autism is a genetic condition. Personally, I feel I do not have it though.

Each person with Autism is different anyway, so I do not see the relevance of the diagnosis to answering that question, as long as each relates to Autism in some big way, as each would give a different answer anyway. As well, many here are not even formally diagnosed, but self-diagnosed or they suspect such a condition. The poster never asked for just those formally diagnosed with ASD to reply.

I probably relate to Autism more than several here. I had/have extreme introversion my entire life, OCD rituals, and am hyperaware of any and all details. I have no eye contact, avoided everyone my entire life, am disabled, and so on. So, if your point is to suggest I am an NT, or could not have ASD, look elsewhere Streetwise.

So, until the original poster or moderator says otherwise, I will reply, and word things as I see fit based on the question. That is being polite. Thanks.
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I was mistaken
 
Thank you Streetwise...and that response is why we will never truly learn to understand each other!.. Thank you for your input!!
 
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