Outed at Work

[Spinning Compass]

Yesterday I got outed at work. My friend, who has been encouraging me to go back to school, told someone in the human resources department about my autism spectrum disorder. Since I am not officially diagnosed, this is something my employer was not aware of up until now. I am not very happy about this at all and told her so. She said she was only trying to help as I told her I felt I was getting the runaround concerning their college credit for work experience program. So she emailed the HR person but did not ask me if it was ok to bring up my ASD. She said that she thought that this person ought to know a little of my background and what I was dealing with.

Well, first of all, that is MY story to tell, not hers. And I hate to say it, but in her telling some of the facts got garbled and now I shall have to try to put them straight if I can. She doesn't think there will be any fallout from the revelation and she said "This (autism) is part of you. Claim it." No. As all of you know all too well, there's still a lot of stigma and ignorance attached to the label and there's no telling how that is going to affect my relationships at work. Except that right now they all have something far more serious to deal with than what I may or may not be. Without going into details, a rather high-ranking employee has been charged with a very, very serious crime. It is entirely possible that I may end up having to give a deposition before the judge regarding what I know of this person. If it weren't for that, I'd be much more angry at my friend. I know she meant well. But I am still upset that she said something without asking me first. Especially as she herself is a private person.

 

[Soup]

That's awful. Compass! What the heck did she think she was doing revealing your personal business like that?!? I know exactly what you mean about there being a lot of ignorance out there. In some fields it can be a career ender. Doing what I do I'd never come out in the workplace either: especially after all the paranoia about that school shooting allegedly involving an Aspie. Unfortunately, even in education there are people who believe that Asperger's is a form of so-called 'retardation' & we are slow-witted! I hope there is no fall-out at work for you from this 7 I hope this person has learned to keep her mouth shut in the future!

 

[King_Oni]

Reading through your post a few times Compass... I still have no clue why this person has any business to spill the beans about your situation. If you're doing a bad job, this should be a matter a supervisor should pick up (and if it's worse, HR department). To me, the most sensible thing to do is to reprimand this person for sticking her nose into business that's not hers, but we all know that's not going to happen.

I really don't hav ea clue what's up with these people where they assume it's ok to meddle with someones business and put things out there, which are rather private and perhaps not even relevant for your job... up until now. I'm curious though if it has any repercussions for you. If it has, I'd surely see if there's a way to get some kind of compensation at a co-workers expense, since she put something out there, which might not have any impact on the immediate situation and status of your job, but it might have in the future.

 

[Spinning Compass]

I have a meeting with the HR person tomorrow regarding work credit for college tuition, at which time I will try to put the record straight. I did not ask this person to reveal my ASD. all I wanted was to find out what I need to do to get credit which I should be able to do without getting the runaround. It sounds like in this case neither the school nor my employer are doing a very good job of communicating with each other about the program--the school sent me to HR and HR is sending me back to the school. This has absolutely nothing to do with my autism. Yes, I am frustrated but anyone would be frustrated in that situation.

The problem is when you "out" someone without their consent, it's not only rude, but you may be putting them in a position where they could be harmed, physically, mentally, and financially. That's why I get annoyed when I read articles speculating that this or that person may be on the spectrum (like Bill Gates). Unless Mr. Gates comes out and says that he is or isn't on the spectrum, it's nobody's business and we shouldn't be discussing it.

 

[Cyanide Lollipop]

It was bad that someone outed you, but now that it's out there, it could be a good opportunity to inform others and highlight the benefits that people with AS bring to the workplace. Organisation, focus, innovative thinking and rational detachment are frequently viewed as desirable qualities.

 

[Arashi222]

While I agree with most people that it wasn't appropriate for someone else to tell the HR that you have Autism however I agree with cyanide that maybe its a good thing. It can make it easier to allow people to help you. Yah ok so there will be people that will judge you but that happens anyway. I know that I found that while some people will always judge me for who I am at least they will know the truth and not make statements without full knowledge now giving the opportunity some of the higher ups while haven't fully understand are making strides in my case to understand. Sooo I just wanted to say that while her intentions were good, and while you may not have wanted it to happen it has and now take advantage of it.

 

[Craig]

Sounds like a very tame example of what I have to put up with on a daily basis, our workplace is so cutthroat it's only just one little nudge away from becoming -this-. I am of course under no illusion that if it weren't for all the security cameras (that record both audio and vision) myself and a third of the staff would have been killed in our accidents instead of merely injured. I'm just really glad that upper management listened to my suggestions on the shift to static security cameras, and tightening the grid to allow for fewer blind spots. That alone pretty much stopped the accidents for a few months, and even though we still have accidents there are no where near as many as there were before.

That suggestion got me a promotion, I was the first person ever to get a promotion that wasn't preceded by someone else vacating the position due to being demoted, fired, incapacitated or quitting.

 

[Geordie]

I told my boss about my ASD before I sign on the dotted lines, on the contract. If I will be in the lowest rung of my company forever because I can only deal with stresses at the level expected of an entry-level worker, you get lower pay than your peers, and someone younger is supervising me, so be it. It's stressful, but one has to pace himself, if he can.

I already let my parents and siblings know, my parents are ok and my sisters say, 'well, that's better off than being outright unemployed in, say, (insert troubled economy)'.

We want to live as normally as possible. But there is no 'normal'. We face unique challenges our world may not had in the past, but present in the present. But the present presents a present, a gift, that we accept. What more can we ask, than to live the 'now' in life, when we are 'outed'?

 

[Cyanide Lollipop]

I told my boss about my ASD before I sign on the dotted lines, on the contract. If I will be in the lowest rung of my company forever because I can only deal with stresses at the level expected of an entry-level worker, you get lower pay than your peers, and someone younger is supervising me, so be it. It's stressful, but one has to pace himself, if he can.

I think that's a good way to look at it. If you don't tell your employer and then end up in a position with so much stress that you cannot handle it, you're likely to get fired. Better to stick with what you can cope with and have the employer happy with your work.

 

[Soup]

Sounds like a very tame example of what I have to put up with on a daily basis, our workplace is so cutthroat it's only just one little nudge away from becoming -this-. I am of course under no illusion that if it weren't for all the security cameras (that record both audio and vision) myself and a third of the staff would have been killed in our accidents instead of merely injured. I'm just really glad that upper management listened to my suggestions on the shift to static security cameras, and tightening the grid to allow for fewer blind spots. That alone pretty much stopped the accidents for a few months, and even though we still have accidents there are no where near as many as there were before.

That suggestion got me a promotion, I was the first person ever to get a promotion that wasn't preceded by someone else vacating the position due to being demoted, fired, incapacitated or quitting.

THat sounds like one heck of a stressful, awfully draining workplace. May I ask what it is that you do? That kind of atmosphere cannot be good to any of the employees & bad for business to boot! YIKES!

 

[Spinning Compass]

I talked with the HR person who was very understanding and she said the matter will not go beyond her office. So I don't think there will be repercussions. They've got a more serious matter on their hands right now anyway.

You must understand that when I started out there three decades ago, I was, as far as anyone was concerned, normal. Yes, I had had "issues" as a child but they were all resolved now. My whatever you want to call it was the elephant in the living room you most definitely did not talk about. So we didn't. And back then that was not something you brought up in job interviews. Autistic people simply did not exist in normal society. They did not go to college, they did not work at regular jobs (only at places like Goodwill). They were whispered about. I never heard of people like Dr. Grandin until a few years ago and she is only a few years older than me. She was very, very, very, very, very lucky that there were people in her life who were willing to work with her autism and not shunt her aside. The vast majority of autistic people born in the 1940's, '50's, and '60's never got a chance to use their talents and abilities. Imagine knowing that you are different but not knowing the name for it, yet forced to act as if you were not. For me to suddenly come out now and announce it to the world after all these years would mean some very awkward questions. These are not conversations I want to have.

 

[Loomis]

Sounds like a very tame example of what I have to put up with on a daily basis, our workplace is so cutthroat it's only just one little nudge away from becoming -this-. I am of course under no illusion that if it weren't for all the security cameras (that record both audio and vision) myself and a third of the staff would have been killed in our accidents instead of merely injured. I'm just really glad that upper management listened to my suggestions on the shift to static security cameras, and tightening the grid to allow for fewer blind spots. That alone pretty much stopped the accidents for a few months, and even though we still have accidents there are no where near as many as there were before.

That suggestion got me a promotion, I was the first person ever to get a promotion that wasn't preceded by someone else vacating the position due to being demoted, fired, incapacitated or quitting.

I would not have thought being a hydroponic farmer was so awful?

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Yesterday I got outed at work. My friend, who has been encouraging me to go back to school, told someone in the human resources department about my autism spectrum disorder. Since I am not officially diagnosed, this is something my employer was not aware of up until now. I am not very happy about this at all and told her so. She said she was only trying to help as I told her I felt I was getting the runaround concerning their college credit for work experience program. So she emailed the HR person but did not ask me if it was ok to bring up my ASD. She said that she thought that this person ought to know a little of my background and what I was dealing with.

A couple of things:

• Technically, your "friend"--and I use the scare quotes deliberately--has transformed a statement about you into a report to HR. That's job-threatening. She herself should be in trouble, not you.
• You don't have to confirm anything to anybody, unless it's a confidential conversation.
  
• HR is in the business of protecting information confidentiality. They are also responsible for watching and preventing hostile environment, not because they care about you--they don't--they care about preventing a lawsuit from you. But even they can't do anything about whether your colleagues just quietly decide not to deal with you or cut you a break. It is remarkably easy to set someone up to fail, and if your peers, management, or subordinates decide that's the way to go, you're done.

What you can do:

• Look at your last performance review and figure out if "room for improvement" targets something you know you just can't do. If there is anything that falls into that category, have a discussion with your boss.
  
• Confront the "friend." Exactly what does she think the other person has to "know" about you and why did she decide it was her responsibility to take this on?

And, the obvious...never, ever tell a peer things that would hurt you if HR knew, or which could cause the group to turn on you. I make all my friends at work, but they aren't actually friends until I leave...when what they know can't hurt me.