I worked night shift all my years working at the hospital because I always referred to it as the 'hidden' shift. Also, I liked the shift differential. But I always think about my daughter asking when I was going to work during the day like a normal mom and I replied, "But I'm not a normal mom."
It was hard being a single mom and it was a constant struggle. I didn't know why it was so hard for me and after learning many years later that I am on the spectrum, I now know that I, in fact, was NOT a normal mom. I have always loved my kids with every being of myself and never a day went by that I didn't appreciate getting to be the one to raise my kids. But I've also, many times said I'm not capable of being a mom.
I knew I didn't have what it takes, but I was a mom so all I could do was the best I could. I tried to do normal mom things. I let them get into cheerleading and football and tball and anything else they were interested in, which drove me ragged. Alone, I kept a roof over their heads, fed them, gave them what they needed and then some. I hated when they had loud friends over (my kids were all on the quiet side), but I let them.
I had very open discussions with them - for instance I would tell them I didn't know how to talk to them about drinking because I don't want them to drink so I don't want to say if they decide to drink they should do it at home because I know they'd do it out, too, so I didn't want them to do it here. I didn't want them to drink and wasn't going to sign a contract, but I didn't want them to drink and drive or get in the car with anyone else who had been drinking, so what can I say? But I did add that if they were ever anywhere and was uncomfortable in a situation and needed me to come get them, to call and I'd get them, no questions asked.
Anyhow, my point is I tried. We did do things differently than other families and I was questioned many times about my parenting techniques, which I would simply say that I also didn't agree with theirs but I keep my mouth shut and expect them to do the same. Coaches and other parents didn't like me, but I wasn't in it for the social aspect anyway.
They somehow managed to all turn out and grow into very respectful, caring and nice adults, no thanks to me. I just hope they now understand why I wasn't a normal parent and okay with it. It does truly bother me that I don't feel I was meant to have kids and still feel like I fail them because I don't call them every day or visit them constantly.
They know I love them and will be there any time they need me, but I'm not in touch with them as much as I feel I should be. I don't like picking up the phone and calling - another reason we have the Marco Polo thing going. If I just want to know they're all fine I post Marco on facebook and they all Polo me back.
It was hard being a single mom and it was a constant struggle. I didn't know why it was so hard for me and after learning many years later that I am on the spectrum, I now know that I, in fact, was NOT a normal mom. I have always loved my kids with every being of myself and never a day went by that I didn't appreciate getting to be the one to raise my kids. But I've also, many times said I'm not capable of being a mom.
I knew I didn't have what it takes, but I was a mom so all I could do was the best I could. I tried to do normal mom things. I let them get into cheerleading and football and tball and anything else they were interested in, which drove me ragged. Alone, I kept a roof over their heads, fed them, gave them what they needed and then some. I hated when they had loud friends over (my kids were all on the quiet side), but I let them.
I had very open discussions with them - for instance I would tell them I didn't know how to talk to them about drinking because I don't want them to drink so I don't want to say if they decide to drink they should do it at home because I know they'd do it out, too, so I didn't want them to do it here. I didn't want them to drink and wasn't going to sign a contract, but I didn't want them to drink and drive or get in the car with anyone else who had been drinking, so what can I say? But I did add that if they were ever anywhere and was uncomfortable in a situation and needed me to come get them, to call and I'd get them, no questions asked.
Anyhow, my point is I tried. We did do things differently than other families and I was questioned many times about my parenting techniques, which I would simply say that I also didn't agree with theirs but I keep my mouth shut and expect them to do the same. Coaches and other parents didn't like me, but I wasn't in it for the social aspect anyway.
They somehow managed to all turn out and grow into very respectful, caring and nice adults, no thanks to me. I just hope they now understand why I wasn't a normal parent and okay with it. It does truly bother me that I don't feel I was meant to have kids and still feel like I fail them because I don't call them every day or visit them constantly.
They know I love them and will be there any time they need me, but I'm not in touch with them as much as I feel I should be. I don't like picking up the phone and calling - another reason we have the Marco Polo thing going. If I just want to know they're all fine I post Marco on facebook and they all Polo me back.
