No goals, existing but not really living?

[Suzanne]

I am 46 and live in a land that speaks another language. I was social phobic in England, but found coping. I could take buses and trains and shop on my own, as long as I could wear my dark glasses and have something in my hand, which was either a book or my music. Now, however, things are vastly different. I have to take courage to walk 10 minutes away, to my chemist and can even see my home still. I wait til Mondays to go just across from me, to our bins, because the bar is closed that day. I am so social phobic it is bizarre. I can drive, but can't get a lisence. My day consists of getting through it and yet, I LIVE my life. My faith being one of Jehovah''s Witnesses, is the key for why I am living my life.

I see each thing I achieve that is nothing to another, as a goal reached.

If I start comparing myself to other women my age, I would crumble. I also see that even if I am getting older, doesn't have to mean I am old. Due to a health scare, I now use an exercise bike every day and have weights to do arm exercises and use YouTube to get fit and it is working. I purchased my weights on ebay and got a vibrant green colour lol

It is all about attitude. Oh I am a very negative person. Always believing the worst is going to happen to me, but one positive bounces into another one.

I had the chance of driving an automatic car and felt wonderful. All my social phobia disappeared, but horribly to by a good car, means a lot of money and I do not need a lisence. So, I can feel crushed often, but because I have hope due to believing that Hope, it keeps me from sinking.

I consider myself a survivor, not a victim.

 

[Beverly]

You know, in high school, I froze on stage, left the stage in tears, amid booing and hissing. At that point, I was convinced I wasn't cut out for the stage even though that was my dream. Still, when the opportunity to join a band came a few months later, I joined them and, I got out there on that stage and performed to the best of my ability. I was terrified, sure I'd fail but, I did it and, when I heard the applause instead of booing. All of the overload, anxiety, worry, stress, rehearsals and arguments leading up to that moment were worth it 100 times over.

As scary as it is, sometimes you just have to go for it and, decide to pay whatever price achieving your dreams and goals demands of you. When it's a step closer to your dream, it's worth whatever it costs you personally. We are human beings and, as such we are resilient creatures that do recover, do heal both mentally and physically. We can bend a long way before we break and, we can recover even when we are broken. All of it makes you stronger, more confident, a better person and, you learn though bad as well as good experiences. Use what you have. Dreams don't just come true on their own but, you can make them come true for you.

No one is required to give you a life you want, you aren't entitled to it - you can have it but, you've got to make it happen. Do nothing and you end up with nothing, do a little thing and, that will lead to another little thing, and pretty soon all of those little things add up to something big and, before you realize it, your dreams are beginning to come true.

 

[royinpink]

I have not really made the link between the thoughts of "fundamental incompatibility" and my own procrastination and indecision until you posted that line, thank you. It is negativity in camouflage, I think I am trying to prioritize my values and align my place in society with those values in mind, when I am most often whinging about what I have to do.

I'm glad it could help you make the link! I agree and I like how you put it. It's like the worrying about your 'values and place in society' convinces you its the cause of your problems when really it's a symptom of how burnt out/depressed you are feeling--or both. Not that those things aren't worth thinking about, but they don't really help you get out of that state. It's like trying to think yourself out of a pit by working out how the pit came to be. It doesn't help you focus on the steps you can take now to get out.

The key for me was not looking back in the short term, focus on completing what I started. In other words, do the deed, but stop the judgement and the second guessing, keep your eyes on the end result.

Exactly. "One day at a time" is cliché but true...

I haven't done this on my own, I have had a great deal of help from my therapist, new medication, my psychiatrist, all of the contributors here on AC, and even my partner (her contributions are not always positive motivations).

Good thing to mention. I've also had support. Support networks are essential.

Well, I think what I meant to say is I don't feel that I have anything worth living for. No family, no friends, nothing, and the little I do have seem replaceable enough that they seem meaningless.

Yeah, it tends to go there...I'm not a psychologist, but it sounds like depression. I, and I think others here, know the feeling. But it is a feeling--it is not permanent.

I did try volunteering as a way to help myself, but I was always too weird for the supervisor and fellow volunteers, and eventually my anxiety got the best of me and I quit (sometimes without notifying anyone). There was even a time when a kid I was working with seemed aware that there was something wrong with me and asked if I wanted to play with him and a bunch of other kids, which made it more humiliating than anything.

Good that you tried. Give yourself credit for that! It just may not have been the right experience for you. My best experiences have been working with young adults on the spectrum or typical kids who are struggling (with school, with family problems, etc.), but it took me awhile to be in a place where the rest of my job didn't overshadow that, and in the end I needed to leave and find a better environment for me. Younger kids tend to be less judgmental, fwiw, but you may not want to work with children at all.

You seem to be your own worst critic here. You say there was something "wrong" with you--is that your opinion or the kid's? He asked if you wanted to play with him--that seems like a gesture of kindness, inclusion. Is it humiliating to need to be included? To need support? To play with children? If so, why? Just asking questions here. You don't need to answer them, at least not to me.

Also, the thing with me is it's very difficult for me to talk.

I have that sometimes. I'm sure there are others here who are the same. You might consider asking for accommodations on the job. It is your right by law to choose the form of communication that works for you (if it doesn't interfere with the "essential functions" of your job--and even if it does, you can at least get accommodation in other circumstances), and no one will know if you don't tell them. It can be scary at first, but there's no sense in you struggling to do something that your body says 'no' to. Respect your needs, or you will pay for it in exhaustion and burnout.

 

[Miker]

I can relate completely. I think that everyone is good at something and if you can find it then your motivation to succeed will grow. Do lots of research and self reflection on your likes, dislikes, best attributes and try and narrow down the options. Then try and search out people in that field for advice. You may just find opportunities open up in front of you.

I am looking to get out of the electronics industry and into something more ethical and related to climate change. I believe that everyone has the right to live the life that they want, its about believing, then doing.

 

[abby normal]

before shrub laid off a bunch of us civil servants, I briefly [less than a year] had a good turn as a hospital billing/coding tech, that was the only job that I was suited for. now I am better suited for being unemployed.