Mid-life gay female aspie what do i do ???

[SPINDLESHANKS]

I recently discovered i'm gay, my mother knows as does my brother and some on and offline friends do too , i live at home with mother although i'm 50 and sleep in the next room, have not acted on my feelings in any way yet , dating seems pretty much impossible as mother tends to worry if i'm away from home for any length of time so meeting with anyone would be a feat and the dating sites i've tried so far have been pretty much useless so what do i do...just stay alone and frustrated ???

 

[poey]

Hi Spindleshanks,
I would suggest just being friends with someone first. If you have a good social network, maybe they can allow you to meet others that share your same interests. I was in the closet for a long time. You don't have to act on your feelings right away, and can take all the time you need. As far as your mother, are you afraid to let her know?
-p

 

[Verum]

This doesn't seem to be so much an issue about your newly-understood sexual orientation (but congratulations on figuring yourself out ) as it is about you needing to define some healthy boundaries with your mother. You have every right to live your life the way you see fit and as your mother it is her duty to love and support you in that as long as you aren't doing anything to hurt yourself or anyone else. Unless there is a particular aspect of your Aspergers that manifests itself in a way that makes being out on your own truly dangerous, being "away from home for any length of time" does not fall into the category of that which she ought not support. It's unfortunate if it worries her, but she's way past due to deal with these feelings. Putting it off longer won't help anything.

That having been said, I still recommend that you approach her with sensitivity and consideration. Perhaps begin the conversation by emphasizing how important her and her feelings are to you. Let her know that although you face the prospect of causing her worry with a heavy heart, you can't let it hold you back from living your life. She may have difficulty dealing with you going out at first, but these concerns should lessen and become easier to deal with over time. Best of luck.

(Also, if it's an issue with needing someone to keep your mother company while you're out, try asking your brother for help or look into what public assistance or enrichment programs for the elderly may be available in your area. Perhaps having someone or something else to keep her occupied while you're away will take her mind off things and allow her to relax.)

 

[SPINDLESHANKS]

Further to the previous should i be looking to date a non-aspie woman or a "normal " woman ?? , gay dating sites for aspie women seem to be like hen's teeth, hard to find !

 

[Divrom]

Verum's post is excellent.

I hope you are in the place where you can see this as good news. You have just learned/accepted something incredibly liberating about yourself. And now, it is right for you to learn to enjoy being you.

 

[Crazi]

Wow Verum! great post!