Meltdowns?

[Thesaurusrex]

Do you experience them? What do you find triggers them and how do you express and then deal with them?

 

[HelloDizzy]

I have meltdowns. Mine are usually caused by trying to communicate and it being ignored or failing and I don't understand why. They can also be triggered by sound or by drinking. I have to be super careful with alcohol. I avoid the meltdowns by running away from what's over-stimulating me for a while and listening to music/wearing headphones to block sound.

 

[Nolan1971]

I have meltdowns they usually occur when overwhelmed at work too many people and too many tasks at one time.
I have to get away from it to calm down. I often feel like a computer ready to crash before it happens.

 

[Flinty]

I have a small two-digit number each year. They tend to happen in bunches; I'll have five or six in a month then go three or four months perfectly fine. My last bunch was in October, just proving that I needed my Annual November Vacation.

I'll smack around anything that's not another person. Generally they're triggered by imperfections leading to overwork. A good night's rest gets me over them readily.

 

[SUM1]

I don't know what they are and don't know what they feel like.

 

[MoCoffee]

My meltdowns are very linked to my anxiety problems. I avoid them by being by myself, in my own bedroom, most of the time. I shake like crazy, cry and my tendency to isolate gets much worse for a while. It also triggers my eating disorder because I end up with a huge need to be able to control some part of my life.

 

[Nolan1971]

My meltdowns are very linked to my anxiety problems. I avoid them by being by myself, in my own bedroom, most of the time. I shake like crazy, cry and my tendency to isolate gets much worse for a while. It also triggers my eating disorder because I end up with a huge need to be able to control some part of my life.

I can relate to that I always shake also and though I avoid it in public as best I can cry. Thankfully once I get away crying makes me feel better!
If I sense one coming crying or another means of venting in advance can keep it from happening.

 

[Laughingowl1975]

Mine are mostly related to frustration, annoying persistent sounds such as gum popping and general anxiety made worse by crowds (sometimes I get them from being overstimulated by music or a violent movie). My heart races, I breath heavily, I snap at people and I storm off somewhere quiet and just become stiff with rage, tremble, sometimes kick things or throw thing about, after that I shed tears (I don't cry aloud) and sink into a depression and suddenly like a switch being thrown I am fine but with blocked sinuses and a headache. They don't last long, a few minutes to 10 minutes max but I can have about 1 or 2 a week and then a month or two with none, the best way to stop them is to be alone with nature if a person shows up and bugs me at this point I can really explode.

 

[alien girl]

what triggers them for me is usually provocation and bullying. but i learned to control them by punching punching bags and stopping when told, it helps a low with self control.

 

[Arashi222]

I generally get meltdowns when I am frustrated, overwhelmed, my routine changes unexpectedly, customers who are mean, too loud of an area, too many people, when my anxiety is bad, too many people touching me I have sensory issues to touch. also I was thinking to that sometimes I am triggered by too much stuff going on at once. Also I tend to stomp my feet and run off blindly sobbing hysterically for my meltdowns it can be scary or I will sink to the ground sobbing and rocking inconsolable until it passes. I usually don't want anyone to touch me during this time.

 

[Winter_Rose]

Being in a high-stress environment usually causes meltdowns for me. I've already got problems with anxiety, but add in the Asperger's and mix it with a lot of stress, and it's a recipe for meltdown disasters.

 

[Peter]

I tend to get them a lot after an evening of socialising. I find it hard to socialise so often use alcohol to loosen me up. Unfortunately I then often wake up feeling embarrassed about what I may have said or done. Often I haven't done or said anything too embarrassing but I have low self esteem and often cringe about the things I have opened up to people about and then tend to hide myself away from people for at least a day or two.

 

[total-recoil]

I have mysterious fits of rage. Fortunately I consider them harmless because the rage is always directed at objects or circumstances. To give an example, I'm on the way to some place in a rush and my bike gets a puncture, it's raining and I can't find my spanner to get the wheel off. Especially losng things triggers my meltdowns. I can only describe it as total loss of control and losing awareness of "normal" behavious so I'll shout and yell and maybe even throw something. It's really awesome as normally I'm so quiet and gentle and then become this enraged other person.
I have my own private joke about this. I'm studying piano and learned to play The Hulk T.V. theme - a sad song. I adopted it as my own personality tune because I see myself as a scientist type who does bum jobs to make a bit of money and has to avoid being angry. Funny also that in the pilot movie the guy turns green when trying to fix a tyre in a storm and then bangs his head.

Do you experience them? What do you find triggers them and how do you express and then deal with them?

 

[umbrellabeach]

Oh yes, I definitely have them. They're usually triggered by my family being jerks (e.g. yelling at me, calling me names and labels, throwing my routines off, refusing to listen to me, etc.). I have so much rage and bitterness built up inside from years of this and being FORCED to suppress it, and melting down is one way I try to release it, but then they get mad at the noise I make (even though I'm in my room, by myself, and not hurting anyone; just trying to get all the frustration out of my system so I can calm down) so they come running up and yell at me some more, call me immature, tell me to stop "throwing temper tantrums." They think that by making angry faces (which do not convey any information to me) yelling at me and telling me to shut up (something they don't want ME to do but apparently is okay for THEM to do), they can control me because they're the superior and almighty parent, but it just makes everything worse. I've tried explaining this to them, but they won't listen because they refuse to consider my behavior in terms of my autism and they think they know me and my intentions better than I do and UGH... I want to melt down all over again just thinking of it all. That's half the reason I was in such a bad mood yesterday; I listened to a video of another Aspie describing what it's like for her to shut down and melt down, and it made me think of how willfully ignorant my dad is. When I melt down, the best thing to do is leave me alone, but they won't do that because since they always HAVE to have the last word, I guess it feels like a blow to their egos or something. I have lost all respect for both of my parents after what they've done to me. I may ACT like I respect them, so they won't explode, but I don't truly respect them.

 

[total-recoil]

I know what you mean about anger and bitterness in particular. Recently I came to understand clearly I do have issues with resentment over how I was treated in the past (and present). I've also been trying to come to terms with the resentment side of it which is easier post diagnosis when you come to understand aspergers is a condition other people are pretty hopeless at dealing with. Of course, even though resentment is not a healthy emotion, I consider it's hardly illogical to feel that way. I think my main gripe is nobody ever made any effort to address aspergers as an issue in the past so I spent most of my life being forced to compete on an unlevel playing field and called "stupid" because I found everyday tasks much harder. So today, any unfair treatment or discrimination directed at myself can spark a tantrum. What especially winds me up is if someone ignores me and walks off because most people think I'm weird somehow till they get to know me and then they seem to be O.K. once barriers are broken down.
Having gone through all of this my advice is to do your best not to allow feelings of resentment to build up but try and work through it in your mind and talk about it with someone - even a specialist in aspergers. Also if someone is pissing you off better to tell them directly rather than let it build up. Personally I try to remind myself that apart from all the bad experiences there are still people who seem to like me regardless although, yes, even they just seem to not understand how I'm wired. I choose my friends far more carefully now (after some nasty experiences) but try to bear in mind there are people who just need to learn how to deal with those of us who are different.
I'm also very prone to a bit of paranoia. Sometimes I assume people are discriminating against me when that may not be the case and I think if I wasn't aware of that fact it could build up and up till I explode and throw a tantrum.

Oh yes, I definitely have them. They're usually triggered by my family being jerks (e.g. yelling at me, calling me names and labels, throwing my routines off, refusing to listen to me, etc.). I have so much rage and bitterness built up inside from years of this and being FORCED to suppress it, and melting down is one way I try to release it, but then they get mad at the noise I make (even though I'm in my room, by myself, and not hurting anyone; just trying to get all the frustration out of my system so I can calm down) so they come running up and yell at me some more, call me immature, tell me to stop "throwing temper tantrums." They think that by making angry faces (which do not convey any information to me) yelling at me and telling me to shut up (something they don't want ME to do but apparently is okay for THEM to do), they can control me because they're the superior and almighty parent, but it just makes everything worse. I've tried explaining this to them, but they won't listen because they refuse to consider my behavior in terms of my autism and they think they know me and my intentions better than I do and UGH... I want to melt down all over again just thinking of it all. That's half the reason I was in such a bad mood yesterday; I listened to a video of another Aspie describing what it's like for her to shut down and melt down, and it made me think of how willfully ignorant my dad is. When I melt down, the best thing to do is leave me alone, but they won't do that because since they always HAVE to have the last word, I guess it feels like a blow to their egos or something. I have lost all respect for both of my parents after what they've done to me. I may ACT like I respect them, so they won't explode, but I don't truly respect them.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I know what you mean about anger and bitterness in particular. Recently I came to understand clearly I do have issues with resentment over how I was treated in the past (and present). I've also been trying to come to terms with the resentment side of it which is easier post diagnosis when you come to understand aspergers is a condition other people are pretty hopeless at dealing with. Of course, even though resentment is not a healthy emotion, I consider it's hardly illogical to feel that way. I think my main gripe is nobody ever made any effort to address aspergers as an issue in the past so I spent most of my life being forced to compete on an unlevel playing field and called "stupid" because I found everyday tasks much harder. So today, any unfair treatment or discrimination directed at myself can spark a tantrum. What especially winds me up is if someone ignores me and walks off because most people think I'm weird somehow till they get to know me and then they seem to be O.K. once barriers are broken down.
Having gone through all of this my advice is to do your best not to allow feelings of resentment to build up but try and work through it in your mind and talk about it with someone - even a specialist in aspergers. Also if someone is pissing you off better to tell them directly rather than let it build up. Personally I try to remind myself that apart from all the bad experiences there are still people who seem to like me regardless although, yes, even they just seem to not understand how I'm wired. I choose my friends far more carefully now (after some nasty experiences) but try to bear in mind there are people who just need to learn how to deal with those of us who are different.
I'm also very prone to a bit of paranoia. Sometimes I assume people are discriminating against me when that may not be the case and I think if I wasn't aware of that fact it could build up and up till I explode and throw a tantrum.

I agree with you. The problem is that my parents won't let me release it. They force me to bottle it up becase they "don't want to hear it" and "it's disrespectful" and it "embarrasses them," etc. etc. If I ever try to release it, they barge in my room and say, "These temper tantrums are gonna stop. NOW. You're only 20 biologically. GROW UP."
But when you're cooped up in your room for years because you don't have friends, and you can't find a job, and you're too shy to play outside because people stare at you, and you can't drive (nor do I want to, after seeing how much my brother was yelled at whenever he made a mistake while learning), and your family never goes out unless they have a reason like grocery shopping (and yet your parents somehow know everyone in the world), and generally you live too far away from everything to do anything - HOW can you not expect something to build up???
I try to tell them why I'm acting the way I am, but they won't listen. As soon as they hear something they disagree with, they interrupt me to insert their own stupid opinions and don't let me finish. The other day my mom forced me to apologize to her for one meltdown I had, so I said "I'm sorry," but I only said it to satisfy her ego and get out of there; I didn't mean it at all. I just knew she wouldn't let me say anything I did mean, so I just went along with her demands so she'd calm down. I'm not sorry and I never will be. She can't control what I think, even though she tries.
My dad isn't even home most of the time because he's at work all day, and yet when he comes home he thinks he knows me and what goes on here so well just because we're blood related, but in truth, both my parents have no idea who I am and how much I've changed in the past few years. My mom tells him her side of whatever happened that day, and he thinks that's all there is to it since she's the parent, so whatever I, the inferior and idiotic kid, have to say is considered invalid and untrue.

 

[Rob]

Yes, I do! High demand and multi-tasking requirements can trigger them. Surprise problems that crop up, when I am feeling tired or not very alert, can trigger them too when I have to solve them on the spot. I have had to bang my head against the wall in the boss's hallway or at home. When I express my frustrations, I often use less than desirable language with a yelling voice. Away from the job, if my parents never understand what I tell them, I would snap at them, but apologize later. If my parents ask me the same questions over and over, after explaining to them as to why I could not finish my schooling, I could snap pretty badly too. Sometimes I think the world is full of smart-alecks that are purposely trying to put me down and pass judgment on me. And I will feel bitter for days. Sometimes I feel my life on this planet is useless.

In the summer when it got insanely busy at my workplace I spent a week coming to work angry as I saw the whole place packed with people. My employer noticed this and changed my work schedule to graveyard for the summer when it is less stressful. I apologized to his son, as he noticed this too!!

Dealing with meltdowns - I swallow my pride and apologize for my "childish" behavior. Then I would see what I could do to make the circumstances easier to manage the next time similar situations arise. I'll take anti-stress supplements and if necessary, use a few drops of 5-Hour Energy in a half-cup of water to make me feel sharper. I can make a bottle of 5-hour energy last three to four days or more and get my money's worth without shocking my body with too much caffeine. I prefer not to have to use caffeine but using it sparingly over the day in small doses is better than losing my job. Oh, and I'll use super-strong dark chocolate too at work - this helps my mood and gives me a lift too.

PS By the way I printed a whole article on Asperger's Syndrome in my parent's native Slovenian language and my dad read it. I told him one time, "This is for you. READ IT!"

 

[total-recoil]

I think it's like this for most of us. Personally speaking I am very misunderstood. At this moment in time I have major problems at work where I'm being treated unfairly and apparently singled out. I can honestly say that, yes, I have this huge temtation to explode and let my anger out. This did happen once but since then I've become a lot more aware of aspergers and, more to the point, how to come to terms with it.
Specifically what helps me a lot these days is I spend a lot of time with my German Shepherd dog which has helped me a lot in ways I can't quite communicate but basically I find I read and understand animals much better than people and also that I'm far better with animals than most other people are. And also I got very into music and when I spend time writing music or doing covers of songs, I lose all sense of time and people around me. Neither do I feel lonely any more.
It may the case I now have an almost unique approach as to how to handle being autistic and how to turn it from a negative to a positive. In the past I think I led my life trying to measure up to other peoples' ideas and beating up on myself for somehow being a failure because I wasn't the way other people expected me to be. You mention your family and I understand perfectly what you mean. My elder brother is N.T. and has really always been the favourite whereas I was like the black sheep and often ignored. Anyway a few months after self diagnosis. I came to see I didn't have to be any particular way to suit other people or not to be able to think and see the things the way I want. So, I started just being me. Sure, all the time I get people who ignore me at first or may discriminate (like at work) but I think I'm learning to shrug it off. Above all belief in your self and your own worth is really important when other people or family somehow tend to drag you down (even if not on purpose).
Bitterness about the past that was really not a happy childhood is now something I'm gradually dealing with in the knowledge bitterness isn't a healthy emotion even if the ciurcumstances that lead to it make it seem a logical mindset.

I agree with you. The problem is that my parents won't let me release it. They force me to bottle it up becase they "don't want to hear it" and "it's disrespectful" and it "embarrasses them," etc. etc. If I ever try to release it, they barge in my room and say, "These temper tantrums are gonna stop. NOW. You're only 20 biologically. GROW UP."
But when you're cooped up in your room for years because you don't have friends, and you can't find a job, and you're too shy to play outside because people stare at you, and you can't drive (nor do I want to, after seeing how much my brother was yelled at whenever he made a mistake while learning), and your family never goes out unless they have a reason like grocery shopping (and yet your parents somehow know everyone in the world), and generally you live too far away from everything to do anything - HOW can you not expect something to build up???
I try to tell them why I'm acting the way I am, but they won't listen. As soon as they hear something they disagree with, they interrupt me to insert their own stupid opinions and don't let me finish. The other day my mom forced me to apologize to her for one meltdown I had, so I said "I'm sorry," but I only said it to satisfy her ego and get out of there; I didn't mean it at all. I just knew she wouldn't let me say anything I did mean, so I just went along with her demands so she'd calm down. I'm not sorry and I never will be. She can't control what I think, even though she tries.
My dad isn't even home most of the time because he's at work all day, and yet when he comes home he thinks he knows me and what goes on here so well just because we're blood related, but in truth, both my parents have no idea who I am and how much I've changed in the past few years. My mom tells him her side of whatever happened that day, and he thinks that's all there is to it since she's the parent, so whatever I, the inferior and idiotic kid, have to say is considered invalid and untrue.

 

[Kneghx]

I have plenty of meltdowns. I have a lot of very random triggers. One of the simple ones is loud, unexpected noises. One of the more specific triggers is things that frustrate me having an illogical explanation. One of the more out there ones is repeated lack of closure. I need things in my life to have definite beginnings and ends and when things end they need to be over. Despite how it sounds it generally only applies to little things. Like if I'm talking to someone but then they have to leave, but then they forgot something and have to come back. That drives me nuts. I think it's because interacting with someone is so much work that when they leave I immediately relax, but then they come back and I have to jump back into NT mode all of a sudden. Fundamentally it's just the aspie aversion to change. I'm getting better about that one, but there's a rule of three. So if they forgot a bunch of things and keep remembering to come back for them one at a time, by the 3rd return I'm in a full blown meltdown and there's no getting through to me anymore. Basically any minor trigger happens 3 times in a short span and I'm done.

 

[MoCoffee]

I used to cry and throw things and stomp around, but only when I was by myself. I find I don't do well when I'm around people too much, so now that I live alone I rarely have them and they result in tears rather than a full blown tantrum. The latest one I had was last night because I've been without one of my Meds since Friday, and I've called the drugstore and called my doctor and it STILL isn't fixed. Do the meltdowns help? Well, it does seem to release my tension, but doesn't actually fix anything.