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Losing friends

NothingToSeeHere

NothingToSeeHere

Asexuowl
V.I.P Member
There has been a pattern throughout my life that when I make a friend, someone who I think will be a good friend and it's going really well with them, once we seem to be getting close they suddenly ghost me, start making excuses to not hang out etc. I have no idea why, but it's happened a few times so it must be something I'm doing putting them off... maybe I'm being annoying, or seem clingy? I don't know. It's really upsetting, if they could just say what I'd some wrong instead pf just disappearing I'd be able to change!

Anyone relate?
 
I'm told that I'm better taken in small doses, so I've never really been able to keep close friends; nobody wants to spend too much time with me. As a result, I have tons of acquaintances, but no "hey let's hang out and do something"-type friends.
 
NothingToSeeHere said:
There has been a pattern throughout my life that when I make a friend, someone who I think will be a good friend and it's going really well with them, once we seem to be getting close they suddenly ghost me, start making excuses to not hang out etc. I have no idea why, but it's happened a few times so it must be something I'm doing putting them off... maybe I'm being annoying, or seem clingy? I don't know. It's really upsetting, if they could just say what I'd some wrong instead pf just disappearing I'd be able to change!

Anyone relate?
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Story of my life. I have 2 friends who have survived it all, plus my husband (hopefully!). My 2 friends have had to keep their distance from me at times, tolerated a lot, were patient often, told me when I upset them. I live very long distance from them - I have for many years now...and that keeps me from annoying them too much.
 
Same. For me, it's a story of extremes. I'm told that I'm either too clingy or too cold. Too talkative or too quiet. Too exuberant or too apathetic. I seem to have a problem with balancing my act.

All in all, I think myself that I'm simply too chameleon-like, too fake and it can be sensed after some time. I tend to change my behaviour continuously depending on people around me, circumstances, events, even weather. Mostly it's chosen but when I stop doing it... I still do it, just uncousciounsly. It puts people off, it puts me off because, well, how can I observe where the act ends and I begin?
 
Same. Current friend count is 1. I think I'm too intense. They become my focus and I do not have room for more than 1. When I do, they all suffer and I appear uninterested but I just don't have the mental energy. I prefer 1 good friend than a bunch of superficial ones who I cannot count on.
 
Ditto here. One of the reasons I moved back to this area after 12 years away was because I THOUGHT I had friends here. They would keep in touch and visit whenever they were in the area but when I moved back here every one of my old friends just disappeared out of my life. I still don't know why. And it still hurts.
Like Lady Penelope, I think maybe I'm too intense. And I'm not often light hearted because the state of the world and the injustice I see disturb me greatly. I don't know how to be anyone else but who I am.....and frankly I'm not sure I want to be. I would like to be "warmer" though. I sense I'm not good at showing that side even when I feel it :(
 
This all sounds so familiar! I think I may be too intense too. I tend to only have one friend at a time (if any) and I think I may become too focused and reliant on them. I always try to give them space but then maybe I end up seeming distant? It's so hard to find the balance. I get attached to quickly too.

onlything said:
Same. For me, it's a story of extremes. I'm told that I'm either too clingy or too cold. Too talkative or too quiet. Too exuberant or too apathetic. I seem to have a problem with balancing my act.

All in all, I think myself that I'm simply too chameleon-like, too fake and it can be sensed after some time. I tend to change my behaviour continuously depending on people around me, circumstances, events, even weather. Mostly it's chosen but when I stop doing it... I still do it, just uncousciounsly. It puts people off, it puts me off because, well, how can I observe where the act ends and I begin?
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I relate to this too! I'm a chameleon, I've learnt to be in order to survive but it get's in the way of my relationships and it terrible for my self esteem. I sometimes find myself wondering if I have a real personality at all beneath the act... no wonder I can't keep friends.
 
A bit different here. I tended to rely on one friend who can make me feel like she/he ins't only illusory till I was 14 and she turned her back on. Before she disappeared from my social net, I was able to keep lots of friendship and be the mastered comforting person and had been confessed by both male and female. When I was 16, I couldn't find another 'real-reality' enough person to let me cling to. Since then I can't maintain any longer relationship.
 
I have 2 friends who I've known since high school, one of whom is HFA and I see every week and the other who is NT (but not without other problems) who I see maybe every few months. Other than that, there's my husbands family (one brother and 3 step-siblings) and my husband and one friend I met through my sister who I don't see very often (she doesn't live very close and never has any money for petrol.)

I think a lot of people don't know how to take me, and I come across often as way too blunt and a bit cold.
 
I know what you mean, @NothingToSeeHere. :(

This happens to me all the time. It’s not often I have friends and I feel they sense something about me that I can’t see.

I’ve come to this conclusion: don’t change who you are. Other peoples’ actions or inactions are never about us personally. We can only act as a trigger or catalyst to someone else and so many times act as mirrors for each other.

If you see disappointment, what are you disappointed with in your own life? You’re on the right path to now question everything and only you will know what you would like to adapt to or change.

Try to be as good as you can be and if that’s not good enough for others, it will certainly be for you and to the ones that respect and deserve you!

Never blame yourself for anything. You have a right to be on this earth like everyone else and you just need to find the right people who you are truly comfortable around with a healthy balance of spiritual, psychological and physical energy. This will take time. You will meet so many people and never, ever give up on yourself!

If you become offended by how another treats you or respond to you about a challenging life event, look at what your expectations are for this other person and for yourself. Just ask what you are willing to change, which I see you’re already thinking about. Make that change for you and you’ll find that boundaries will be created suddenly around your personal limitations and expectations.

You’ll soon find that once you’ve created a balance which lines up to the limitations of how you would like to feel and be treated, you’ll start to streamline all people and external environments that doesn’t serve you and start to head towards other areas of fulfillment like taking up hobbies by joining groups and meeting like-minded people.

I wish you hope and to continue on your journey with courage and faith. The same wish goes to others reading this.
 
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NothingToSeeHere said:
There has been a pattern throughout my life that when I make a friend, someone who I think will be a good friend and it's going really well with them, once we seem to be getting close they suddenly ghost me, start making excuses to not hang out etc. I have no idea why, but it's happened a few times so it must be something I'm doing putting them off... maybe I'm being annoying, or seem clingy? I don't know. It's really upsetting, if they could just say what I'd some wrong instead pf just disappearing I'd be able to change!

Anyone relate?
Click to expand...

this has happened with basically every friend I've had in my entire life
 
I am on here tonight because I am tired of losing friends. I have aquaintances but no friends. People leave me. They just start acting funny and leave. I have a clue that I am perhaps too intense. Not like I am not appropriate. I am smart, very smart, and I like talking about what I know, and I talk fast. I think that puts people off. Most folks can't follow really. I think the other thing is my way of reading social clues is off. On the other hand I pick up the energy of things eeryone else misses, I see tiny minute details in things and I will talk about it, and then people look at me funny. I see aura's I see orbs, and I have researched them, which i love. But who cares about that? Nobody. I also don't really like to be touched. That's a doozy. I am not their kind of normal.
 
I don't have any close friends except for my partner, only aquaintances. I think people find me boring, aloof and a bit strange. I don't make friends easily. When I was a child, I didn't really know how to make friends. I've had friends in the past, but they have moved away and not kept touch - others I meet up with once or twice, and then they stop, others just cut me off with no explanation. Also, socialising is an effort - it requires me to be proactive to keep in touch, to break with my routine, wear a mask and leave my comfort zone. As I've got older I've found that I no longer have the energy or motivation, probably because it's not so important to me to have friends or to fit in any more.
 
I feel pressure to always apply social skills that do not feel natural to me. It does work to start a relationship, but I'm not great at it and its not something I can sustain or wish to maintain throughout the day or in the comfort of my own home. Therefore, I do not want a lot of friends(nor do I have many). Furthermore, the ones who ghost me were probably not my friend to begin with, probably more of an acquaintance. I also ghost people myself, which I feel awful about and I do it because it is such an effort for me to socialize. As a result I try to keep a low profile (which makes me look like a snob). I do care deeply for the few friends that I do have but also keep them at arms length.
 
I've had this happen all of my life. I notice that I make friends, and they really like me at first. But as time goes on, they get gradually more distant and sometimes just start avoiding me. It really hurts. We just pretty much run out of things to talk about and relate to together.

I have one friend who has stuck with me for a few years, and my family, thankfully. But I've also noticed that people don't get emotionally close to me or open up to me to begin with. They might admire my intelligence, but they don't confide in me.
 
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