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Letting Go of Emotions

Animal_Girl

Animal_Girl

Well-Known Member
I'm not sure if this is even related to Asperger's or not, but it is definitely something I do. Whenever I start to feel an emotion, I really hold onto it. In particular, anger and other negative feelings. If something makes me angry, I get really angry and I don't cool down easily. People tell me to "let it go" but no one is ever responsive when I ask "How?" I don't understand how to just let an emotion go and switch to another one on command. Likewise, I don't really understand how to "Relax" or "stop thinking so much about it" when people say that. People are always willing to say things like that but never willing to explain how to do them.

Can anyone else relate? Is this even related to Asperger's at all?
 
Yes... I totally relate. No doubt. I could fill out a library with my stories. Ex-Wifes Sagas, Bullies Sagas, Ungrateful Friends Sagas, you name it. And I still feel the anger when I recount the stories, regardless how many years have passed.

In the past few months I've been having much success. I've met so many Aspie friends here. There's never a shortage of people willing to listen. And after I talk about what bothers me, listening to others (which I enjoy doing a lot) does help keep my own emotions at bay.

There have been many related threads around here. My guess (not a professional opinion of any sorts) is that it is indeed an Aspie thing. But it might not be, not sure. In any case, if you ever have an issue and like to talk about, the shoutbox is at the top, the threads are always available and my inbox will also welcome any PMs.
 
I also find it impossible to let go of Emotions, I find myself concentrating more and more on the feeling and cause of my emotion and it makes me angrier and angrier.
I believe it to be part of aspergers because obsessing on things is part of what we do. I'm probably not the best person to give advice on this as I also suffer from OCD.

I find that breathing and visulisation excercises help me through it look it up on Youtube, they have good ones.

Good luck, I wish you the best
 
I wish I had an answer for this too. I wish I could let go of things that have happened and the emotions I feel surrounding them. I had been half thinking of asking that very question. you kind of beat me too it!!

If anyone has a way to kind of release these emotions I would love to hear it. I'm good at nulifying the anxiety but if I could just stop the circling and obessessing about these things I think it would make a hell of a change in my life.
 
yeah, this can occur for aspies I think largely because of the lack of earlier awareness of any given emotion. it only hits us when its hit near full throttle. so end result is we feel the switch is either off or full blast for whatever thing and then wonder how we can let go. The actual strategy is to figure out the emotion's presence earlier and train a thought process where emotion present is the most important thing to be aware of. I like Tony Attwood's explanation in his complete guide book.
 
I guess that could have to do with alexithymia. Of course I have never paid attention to that before, though :p

But I've attributed it to hyperfocus. When I have a hard time switching from one task/activity to another, I also have trouble switching emotions.
 
This is interesting! It is something I've seen & heard from many NTs as well: this inability to switch gears & just let go of something. Personally, I think that this is a myth: like Big Foot. If the memory of an experience is linked to strong emotions. Whenever something triggers the memory, some of these emotions are likely to resurface. I think that what people really mean when they say to just let go is that they just don't want to hear any more about it from you. They're out of patience.

You can't 'just let go' as though it were a rope you're holding onto any more than you can 'just snap out' of Depression or Asperger's! Those of us with a shallow affect & superficial emotions can do a semblance of letting go BUT it isn't always automatic or easy. One thing you CAN do is to reduce your exposure to triggers you can control. Does a certain song make you upset? Get an MP3 player & do not add that song to it. If you're out somewhere & the song begins, play your own 'reverse effects' songs (those that make you feel calm or elated or happy...) immediately. No apologies to anyone. If a certain tv show or ad upsets you, as soon as the show pauses for a commercial break click MUTE & go do something else productive (like STIM!) for a couple of minutes. You can put away photos that trigger upset & toss souvenirs that make you uncomfortable in storage, in the recycling bin or the goodwill bag.

You'll never have 100% control over this & the people telling you to 'let it go' don't have it either. A compromise strategy is to carry a pen & pad (or your Ipad...) with you & write out your thoughts & feelings. You can even write a letter to the offending person such as "Dear _____, You are a complete ____ . When you said or did _____, I felt _______. Why don't you go $%^& yourself you @$$%^&*!!! <---Just be sure to destroy the letter. Have fun angrily tearing it into 1000 pieces while shouting obscenities. Stomp up & down on it & flush it down the toilet. You'll feel some relief & not end up driving others nuts by belabouring some story.

Or if it is someone who is dead that you miss, some EX you miss etc. write to them too. Write 'til your hand goes numb or until you develop carpal tunnel syndrome. Then, be sure to NOT send this letter either. You can keep it for a few days, re-read it, add to it & eventually destroy it.

Over time, the emotions will abate & you'll be able to think about a given event without either becoming enraged or falling apart. You may still feel twinges of sadness or nostalgia or irritation BUT it won't be so overwhelming that you'll drive yourself & others up the wall with it.
 
Soup, can I ask you a personal question?... What do you do for a living? You always seem so calm and focused. You have answers that I never think of. I have to admit that it frustrates me a little as I have a lot of dificulty doing what you recommend as in some circomstances i see myself unable to deal with situations you are clamly describing. but... After calming down and re-reading your posts, I realize they are true. Thank you for your input.
 
Thanks, Christophe! I tend to e less emotional & sensitive than most so my suggestions can seem a little dry & devoid of 'mushy stuff'. I'm a teacher. I'm also almost 48 yrs old, married with 3 young adult kids so I've had the benefit of some experiences that many younger Aspies haven't had yet.
 
Soup is Canadian (so a wee bit French correct?) as am I (Cajun/Creole.)
I wrote a letter to my dad when I ran away, on the plane, and I wrote something very similar, only with words he indeed had to look up. Emailed it to him with a drawing of me burning a bridge with a container of kerosene. I said **** that ****.

As we have "atypical" brains, we respond to emotional stimuli differently just as we do sound, fabric, and light. Some of us, like me, will let a lot of things go or not even notice they would be traumatic, yet, like me, some small things like a windbreaker making a noise can ruin my day.
We are not like the people who are telling you to let go. Let go on your own terms.
 
I have 2 kids; not 3. The 3 is a typo.

Dizzy is right: we do process things differently. I find that we are much less hypocritical due to our lack of or minimal social filters. The silly thing is that they can't & don't just 'let stuff go' either. They may say that they have or appear to have due to their tendency to misrepresent what they truly think BUT it comes back out again.

@ Christophe: Sometimes what I suggest or think won't make much sense or appeal to you or some other person. That is to be expected! Although we're all Aspies, we are different ages, from different cultures & backgrounds & have had different life experiences so we are likely to look at the same things very differently.

Mod Note:
In the rules under the heading; 'Posting Guidelines and Member Conduct', it states...

10. For the benefit of everyone being able to understand and for the purpose of moderating, languages other than English are not allowed.
Thank you
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Animal_Girl said:
I'm not sure if this is even related to Asperger's or not, but it is definitely something I do. Whenever I start to feel an emotion, I really hold onto it. In particular, anger and other negative feelings. If something makes me angry, I get really angry and I don't cool down easily. People tell me to "let it go" but no one is ever responsive when I ask "How?" I don't understand how to just let an emotion go and switch to another one on command. Likewise, I don't really understand how to "Relax" or "stop thinking so much about it" when people say that. People are always willing to say things like that but never willing to explain how to do them.

Can anyone else relate? Is this even related to Asperger's at all?
Click to expand...
Yes this is so me! I was literally going A Google Search for "autism and letting go" and came across this. I'm mind blown.
 
Animal_Girl said:
I'm not sure if this is even related to Asperger's or not, but it is definitely something I do. Whenever I start to feel an emotion, I really hold onto it. In particular, anger and other negative feelings. If something makes me angry, I get really angry and I don't cool down easily. People tell me to "let it go" but no one is ever responsive when I ask "How?" I don't understand how to just let an emotion go and switch to another one on command. Likewise, I don't really understand how to "Relax" or "stop thinking so much about it" when people say that. People are always willing to say things like that but never willing to explain how to do them.

Can anyone else relate? Is this even related to Asperger's at all?
Click to expand...

I can definitely relate. When someone does something that offends me or God forbid, attempts to intimidate me, the anger can persist for days, weeks, or months. I might temporarily take my mind off of the incident, but then I will think about it and replay the incident in my mind. And the anger and anxiety builds up just like it did when the incident first occurred. That is why it is so difficult to forget.
 
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