Killing myself tomorrow. I'm sorry everyone. I love you all.

[UberScout]

Life has not been kind to me, in fact, it's been the polar opposite. Where normal have ups and downs, all I've ever had were downs. People have good days and bad days, I only had bad days. People saw friendship and love, I've made nothing but enemies and had hatred on me.

For 20 years of my life now, this has been an unending, endlessly spinning vicious circle that has not stopped spinning and if I continue it will never stop spinning. A video game my stepfather made me play for him drove me to a breaking point and he chased me into my room and of course it wouldn't be a normal night for me if it didn't end with him stomping on my head on the floor!

I have seen no end in sight and the way things are going for me there will BE no end in sight. I am doomed to walk on nails for eternity and God (if he even exists) is not willing to make it stop!

I am very sorry for this everyone. You've all given me such great advice and have been such good friends to me, but the only way to pad my feet from the nails I walk on is to pull the trigger on my head. Thank you all for your caring support and I hope that you will grieve for me or at least remember me somehow in the future after I hang myself tomorrow. I know you guys definitely will, but as for my stepfather and now my own mother, they'd most likely clap for my death. The only person who would probably cry is my sister.

Thank you all again and Farewell Aeternia.

UberScout Feb 9 1996 - May 12 2017

"It was not the voice of the children and his parents who laughed at his face and mocked him; rather it may have been either God or Satan himself. Whoever it was, they felt nothing but what they already felt." - Anonymous.

R.I,P. God be with me.

 

[DoNotDisturb]

Try doing something like not killing yourself.

 

[DoNotDisturb]

I've not killed myself for years and it's worked for me.
It could work for you too.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

after I hang myself tomorrow.

Hopefully the rope gives way or snaps and you'll see it as a sign not to end your life. Maybe by then you'll have accrued extra support in this thread (which should definitely go in the 'serious discussion' section). This is the time to seek all those organizations that provide help for the suicidal, I suggest you give them a call and speak to someone professionally about your living arrangements if you're being mistreated/abused.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Nothing wrong with killing yourself but...,

Those extreme feelings arise from things in your life you don't like.

Write the list of all those things and get advice on how to change those things.
It's amazing how different you can feel by just tweaking the list.

By all means kill yourself but do it when you're 90.

You're not 90 are you?

I'm putting it off till 90 (give or take)

How old are you?

Work on the list.

While you're still here, think of other people you can help with something....

Stick around I may think of something funny to say. Nobody would want to miss that.

 

[Connor Malone]

Alright, here's why you're a selfish prick. Your sister. She's the only thing you love and she's loves you too. So stick around for her. It's not you're life you're taking, its hers. Imagine what will happen when you go. All of the abuse will be directed onto her. Stay alive for her sake. Unless you want to see her receive the same treatment as you. If you go, you're condemning her to a life of abuse and no one will be able to comfort her because the only one who knew what it was like is now currently swinging from a lampshade. So grow up, use that brain of yours and stay for the benefit of her. One last thing and this is just me using logic here. We're all going to die anyway yes? well, you have quite a few years to go biologically so why not stick them out? Who knows? You might even enjoy yourself. Food for thought.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Life isn't always going to be as bad as you think it will be. I think if you moved out and get your own place or live it supported accommodation you'd see how different it can be. I know things look bad for you at this moment but it won't always be.

Seriously, look into your housing options for people with ASD in your area. It might just change your life.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Alright, here's why you're a selfish prick.

I know you feel anger towards people in this situation and the pain they will inflict on their loved ones but this isn't the way to handle them. All you are doing to putting on more hate and anger on themselves, you're reinforcing the opinion they have on themselves telling them that they're worthless and selfish. This isn't the way to go about helping someone who is depressed.

 

[Adder1234]

I'm not going to tell you not to, or that it's a stupid thing to do, because I understand that you don't see that. Regardless of what any of us say you will continue to think that dying is the only way to solve your problems. So I'm just going to say, I hope that you realise that you are wrong and that you should continue living.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

How old are you?

UberScout (Tyler Garrett) Feb 9 1996 - May 12 2017

Stick around I may think of something funny to say. Nobody would want to miss that.

I already do. Don't hang yourself or die because then people will stare at you and you have aspergers so you wouldn't want that now would ya!! Live just to avoid that.

Alright, here's why you're a selfish prick.

So grow up, use that brain of yours

He read this and died . Negatives will stick and sting!!

We're all going to die anyway yes?

Nope, not me

 

[WildCat]

...here's why you're a selfish prick...

...or overburdened with emotional pain. Flip a coin, that also works. Better yet, don't assume at all and play it safe.

@UberScout first and foremost, seek help immediately - I know it's cliche and it sounds rote, but could you get in touch with a hotline in your area?

You really should focus on removing yourself from the situation that's causing you this pain, by any means necessary if you have to but this should be a priority. Maybe find a distraction to remove yourself from those thoughts, but whatever you do please (as someone who's been there already) reconsider taking any action to end your life. Honestly, it may or may not get better, but keep pushing on and don't give up. Think about your little sis...how would she handle it? If nobody else, then do it for her.

 

[Danny 74]

Well i hope your still posting on here in weeks. Months and years...get your head up and soldier on......

 

[Sir Les Patterson]

Interesting

 

[DoNotDisturb]

The feelings you're experiencing now are a result of not wanting to live the life you have.
There are ways to improve your situation that don't involve killing yourself.
Killing yourself will ensure that your life never gets better.
Only by living can you improve your situation.
Because you actually have power, even if you feel as though you don't.
The first step is to seek help.
The second step is also to seek help.
In fact, never stop seeking help for as long as you need to.
If one avenue is unproductive, try another.
Keep trying.
Don't give up.

 

[Ambi]

Life has not been kind to me, in fact, it's been the polar opposite. Where normal have ups and downs, all I've ever had were downs. People have good days and bad days, I only had bad days. People saw friendship and love, I've made nothing but enemies and had hatred on me.

For 20 years of my life now, this has been an unending, endlessly spinning vicious circle that has not stopped spinning and if I continue it will never stop spinning. A video game my stepfather made me play for him drove me to a breaking point and he chased me into my room and of course it wouldn't be a normal night for me if it didn't end with him stomping on my head on the floor!

I have seen no end in sight and the way things are going for me there will BE no end in sight. I am doomed to walk on nails for eternity and God (if he even exists) is not willing to make it stop!

I am very sorry for this everyone. You've all given me such great advice and have been such good friends to me, but the only way to pad my feet from the nails I walk on is to pull the trigger on my head. Thank you all for your caring support and I hope that you will grieve for me or at least remember me somehow in the future after I hang myself tomorrow. I know you guys definitely will, but as for my stepfather and now my own mother, they'd most likely clap for my death. The only person who would probably cry is my sister.

Thank you all again and Farewell Aeternia.

UberScout (Tyler Garrett) Feb 9 1996 - May 12 2017

"It was not the voice of the children and his parents who laughed at his face and mocked him; rather it may have been either God or Satan himself. Whoever it was, they felt nothing but what they already felt." - Anonymous.

R.I,P. God be with me.

Wouldn't it be better to just leave? If you have reached the point where you want to kill yourself, you feel you've got nothing to lose - then leave this abusive situation! Contact the police - really, you can do anything without worrying about the results, since you feel you've got nothing to lose to begin with. There is no reason to live with your parents if they are being violent. Even a shelter would be preferable - and yes, lots of people end up in shelters, it takes tremendous courage, but you've got to be willing to try something new and different to get to a different place in life, you've got to use your courage to do it. I grew up seeing such terrible poverty, children starving to death - I think that helped me deal with the darkest times knowing I could always get to a better place, at least a tolerable place, as long as I tried - and if I didn't, well, at least I would die trying, like those parentless, homeless, starving children, not giving up. I hope you can choose to embark on a new adventure in life, a true adventure, where you can't necessarily see what's around the corner, to get out of the situation rather than to just end it. The only thing suicide would accomplish is a sure ending for someone who can't bear to see what might come next, what they might be able to get to if they just try something different. Leave the abuse behind and go to a different place in life, no excuses.