Keep running from someone when I see them - feel really guilty

[DarkAscent]

There's a kid at my school who has high functioning autism like me (I'll call him T). We're both very shy and easily nervous but he scares me. I guess it's because when I first approached T (I used sign language because most of the students at school speak sign language) he ran off and looked at me like I was a mass murderer. I spoke to my friends who told me that T has run off when other students have approached him before. I felt guilty for scaring him so I tried to give him a note of apology, but he threw it back at me and screamed at me.

Since then, whenever I see him or he's nearby, I feel terrified and extremely nervous, and run off in the opposite direction. I feel guilty and horrible after I run away from him because I don't want to make him feel alienated or for him to feel bad about himself because of me. My TA has worked with T before and said that he won't hurt anyone unless they threatened him.

Does anyone know how to reduce anxiety like this and how to cope with it? What should I do?

One thing that I forgot to mention is that I'm Chinese and T is Japanese which my grandfather pointed out and said that this might be part of the reason why the situation is like this.

 

[IrishAspie]

Since then, whenever I see him or he's nearby, I feel terrified and extremely nervous, and run off in the opposite direction. I feel guilty and horrible after I run away from him because I don't want to make him feel alienated or for him to feel bad about himself because of me. My TA has worked with T before and said that he won't hurt anyone unless they threatened him.

You sound like a very good person and that's not a nice situation.
He clearly has his own issues to deal with and you don't want to add to them but at the same time you cant force him to accept you.
For now try to accept that he cant deal with your approaches so respect that and keep a little distance.
That doesn't mean avoiding him or running away either which will only make it worse, Your TA has said he wont lash out so you should be safe being near him but not engaging him, perhaps in time he will feel comfortable enough to approach you or a situation will arise that will allow you both to work or play together. He may be more afraid of you!!!
Look after yourself first, give him some time and space and try not to overreact when you see him.
Perhaps you could ask your TA for some support by being there the next time you encounter him so you feel a little safer.

 

[Suzanne]

I think one of the most confusing things is, when two people share the same "problem" and yet one, reacts so bad, that it leaves the other one, feeling terrible.

Is it at all possible that when you signed to him, that it was a rude signing or something? For him to act scared, seems so strange. Unless you clearly look autistic, most of us, look pretty normal and so, it takes others bothering to get to know us, to discover something different.

I would leave him alone for a while and allow him to watch you from a distance, to see that you are not a threat.

It also suggests highly, that his home environment is most unfriendly and unsupported, for what I am finding out is that when an autistic person is ignored or mistreated, they go into themselves and act violent, if anyone tries to befriend them.

I feel sure that keeping your distance, will achieve much!

 

[Ravkrat]

I don't now if this can help but;

when I want to get to know someone(be befriending them or just casual small-talk) I usually force myself to sit near them(small background, when I'm 'near' people (think personal space) it gets increasingly difficult to breath and I end up fake yawning to cover-up me gasping for air,so what I do now is get me something that distracts me from them usually one of my fav books(silamarillion from tolkein) then day to day shift where I sit abit closer to them.. mind I don't end up sitting -right- next to them but I acclimate myself to being near them.. again no idea if this helps or not.

P.S I use this at work so I can sit in the break-room without looking like a goldfish out of water