It's been a while... (Life update)

[aspieman2396]

Hi Guys,

I remembered that I had an account on here, and I couldn't resist updating it. My pfp reflects that, (No Time to Die was amazeballs btw).

I've come a long way since my last post, a lot of life events, mostly bad, some good.

First and foremost, my dad died of cancer last year, and I had to rough out the pandemic on my own, and there was also a battle for his estate, which thankfully got settled and I am doing okay. I finally am on my own and living independently. I've been able to handle things a lot by myself. It's not too bad, although it gets really lonely.

My dog got taken away by his ex wife aka evil stepmother, I never saw her again until the court proceedings, I never spoke to her again, although her daughter showed up in the hospital before he died.

I realized that I was being abused by all of them, and I felt really resentful and hurt, I am dealing with the trauma of all of that, my childhood specifically, and I cried so much during quarantine, my depression really beat me down, it was painful and I don't wish this on my worst enemies. I still feel twinges of resentment towards my stepmother and my Birth mother aka Birthgiver for being an abusive piece of crap, although I forgave my father. I am trying to move on from that. I've been really struggling with the memories of the abuse, I still cry from things that were done to me. It's that bad.

As for My birth mother, she's no longer my mother, I refer to her as my birthgiver now. I tried to fix the relationship with her, but she doesn't want to put in the work to fix it, she's wrong but she thinks she's right. I realized that she's narcissistic and abusive (I am not the only one who shares this view), and I did what I had to do to distance myself from her. I've been mostly No Contact with her and I don't have any emotional investment in her.

I moved away from my old city, and I relocated to a new city to be close to family and I am currently trying to get my job and apartment situated. I am also looking for a partner and I know what I want in a relationship.

Anyways, that's the bad, here's the good.

I graduated from college! and it was during the pandemic, I was able to get everything done and it feels surreal that I'm finally done.

I also won two hackathons and I am deep into gaming, movies, Legos and screenwriting. I've been making friends (As hard as that sounds), I've been trying to enjoy my life despite things that happened. I've read some books and I've been getting into console gaming

I feel like my personality blossomed now that I'm on my own and free from the abuse, although I have my moments, it's been night and day.

Anyways, I just wanted to leave this here.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

What a great tale of pushing past the negative and caring for yourself. And your not letting the negative create a bitterness but dealing with it factually gives me hope.

 

[aspieman2396]

What a great tale of pushing past the negative and caring for yourself. And your not letting the negative create a bitterness but dealing with it factually gives me hope.

Thank you, I knew that I was going to make it out of that situation. I could do better in taking care of myself, but I'm trying my best. The loneliness is getting to me sometimes. But I'm trying to love myself because I only deserve the best from now on.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Thank you, I knew that I was going to make it out of that situation. I could do better in taking care of myself, but I'm trying my best. The loneliness is getting to me sometimes. But I'm trying to love myself because I only deserve the best from now on.

That you feel you deserve the best is nice to hear. And, what is especially good is your mentioning that you understand what you want in a relationship. It took me several failures to figure that out, but it primed me to recognize it when I met my spouse. In looking for connection, I have always recommended activity groups that one joins for enjoyment. Starting out with that positive motivation allows you to become a known quantity and it affords you the opportunity to hone skills in socializing.

Tomorrow, now that it is too cold for bicycling, our club is meeting for breakfast (we are all immunized) followed by a hike to some massive dunes overlooking Lake Michigan. I plan to enjoy every second with these people (and the "Pirate's Bounty" hash browns with ham, bacon and sausage topped with cheddar) and I'll need to work off breakfast.

 

[aspieman2396]

I forgot to mention a couple of things,

Ive been to therapy and I am going to therapy again in my new city, since I have been deprived of it for so long. I am scouting new therapists and someone I've been comfortable with.

I've learned a lot about myself this past year and a half. I needed this time to think and reflect. It's refreshing to be out of an abusive situation

As for the partner, I want someone who is kind and loving and will accept me as I am, there is no perfection and I've learned that as well. I just want someone awesome who can be my lifemate.

 

[Magna]

Glad to hear overall that you're doing better. Sorry to hear about your dad. My mom died of cancer about four years ago and I know how hard that is seeing a parent suffer and die from cancer.

Are you in therapy for the CPTSD from childhood? Are you familiar with the support website outofthefog.net that's specifically for victims of narcissistic abuse and abuse from people that have or are suspected of having other personality disorders? I'm assuming perhaps you are or that you've been learning on your own since you use terms associated with narcissistic abuse such as "No Contact".

I too have suffered from childhood trauma and EMDR therapy is working well for me in that regard.

I hope things continue to look up for you.