Is forgetting a lot an Aspie trait?

[AdultAspie69]

Oh my, yes yes yes, in my case. Bane of my existence. Only things pertaining to my special interests are retained. Everything else gets tossed out of the buffer w/o making it to storage.

Exactly the same with me. Remembering online passwords is especially hard for me. Keep having to reset them. Writing them down seems to defeat the purpose of having passwords.

Problems with long term memory too. Can't recall details of specific experiences of my past. Just get still snapshots of moments in time without context. Usually just what the places looked like where i've been, without info about the interactions with people.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Been to court on the wrong day,wrong week.
Barely know what day it was.
Cant remember much of my life or who used to be in it (wife can remember all the names of school friends etc)

Make notes and reminders everywhere... (not as bad as mnemonic)

Never used to forget to chastise myself but i forget all the time now

 

[Mr Allen]

Daft thing is, I can remember something from 30 years ago in vivid detail, but ask me what I was doing 10 minutes ago and I forgot! Oh hang on, I was watching Coronation St!

 

[phoe]

My memory is appalling, I struggle to remember what I'm doing just standing up to move from one room to another. I (seriously) have an email directory in work called "what I'm doing" :-}

Other issues include me being face blind, so I can't even follow what's happening in a show I'm trying to watch half the time.

I have loads of ideas about things I'd like to be able to do (some even romantic), but can't follow through with them (aspie inability to function due to anxiety).

We can care a lot, but as a result of the other aspie factors it might seem we don't. I can't buy Christmas or birthday presents for instance (I'll buy my wife anything she wants, but it causes me too much mental distress to "link" these purchases to an "event").

I've been married 24 years, so a strong relationship is still possible.

 

[danielcollins]

Other issues include me being face blind, so I can't even follow what's happening in a show I'm trying to watch half the time.

Oh yes, Game of Thrones is a nightmare for me - I'm useless at tracking who's done what to whom. It's all so confusing and I miss out on a good 60-70% of the story.

My short term memory is shockingly bad as well, and I can be very iratic. I'll try and make sure do one thing at a time and focus on writing good notes, so that I can keep myself focused and organised. Shopping lists, notes, notes, notes.

 

[Berianireth]

I believe consensus among the scientific community is that because of stress/ sensory processing issues working memory is limited...more appropriately OVERTAXED, in people on the spectrum. I also have a very rigorous reminder system for that reason.

 

[Jet Weiss]

I think my issues with short-term memory are due to my ADHD, not necessarily Asperger's.
Sometimes I'll say "I don't remember" or "I can't recall" when I don't want to talk about something though.

 

[BrianaGiselle]

I'm dating someone who I suspect is on the spectrum, and he seems to forget A LOT.

Is it possibly an Aspie trait, or could he be saying "I forgot" a lot because it's easy? (I used to say "I don't know" a lot because it was easy.)

I must list everything. Even stuff I want. I've re-entered drive-through immediately upon exciting on far too many occasions. Or forget that I ordered something in a group and days later remember. I general fig I'm just dumb.

You could check if it's "easy" by having him write it down or whatever reminder implementation and go from there.

I also tend to remember dates and times according to which ina series was first.
Ex:
I have a work schedule. Printed.
At some point during the week, my shift is changed. I get a new printed version and there's been substantial discussion to expect I won't follow the first one. I won't even have the first one to look at. It's trashed.
Some how my brain dies and I'm totally stuck on that first schedule. Come in on the wrong day. It's annoying.

 

[BrianaGiselle]

It is embarrassing when people ask me what I had for a recent meal or what I did yesterday, over the weekend, etc, because it will take me a very long pause to remember, if I can - I can only do so by trying to remember something, anything, surrounding that topic and see if I can follow that detail to another detail, towards another detail that will lead me to the answer - and sometimes I would still just draw a blank. What I do instead, so as not to make an awkward/strange interruption in the conversation, is that I just make up the answer - I don't wildly fabricate, I just guesstimate what might have been a reasonable thing to assume considering my usual patterns. So that's a lie - but I don't think of it as lying, even though it is a lie - it's just a coping mechanism to deal with my gaps in memory that others wouldn't understand. But yeah, I just forget. I think it's also because I don't consider these things to be important, so I don't make the effort to lodge them in my memory, and there's nothing about them that inherently causes them to lodge in my memory - but I think for people who aren't on the spectrum, they don't have to try - these kinds of things might naturally stay in their memory for some period of time. NAH, I should edit that - because even things that are important just don't stay in my head! I rely a lot on asking other people or looking things up as needed, most importantly, when needed - then I just use the info right then and there, and won't have to store it again. So in that way, I can do things over and over and still have to look up important details - unless I repeat the process enough that it finally goes into my long-term memory. And even then, if there's a long enough period between repetitions, then I forget all about it again.

OH MY...YES!!!

 

[Alaska]

My short term memory is horrible. I have to put everything on a list in an app on my phone, or out my brain it goes.
This may be related to the whole "videographic memory". I can remember things by using imagery in my mind of being in a specific place. I associate the task I need to do with being in the place in which I need to do it (or at the approximate time) to trigger remembering to do it. For instance, if I need to remember to take the trash can to the curb when I get home, I'll visualize myself pulling into the garage and attach it to that task. When I pull into the garage, that will trigger the memory to take out the garbage.

It is very clever of you to have independently worked out your memory technique that it took a bunch of scientists to come up with. It is even helpful to NTs, even they remember to do things better if they mentally link one task to another one.

 

[Stryla]

Well I guess this explains why im so bad at remembering people's names, they dont make it to long term memory unless Im around them consistently. I have gotten compliments on my organization, but thats the only way I can remember everything I need to do all the time. So yup, bad short term memory here.

 

[Yucca]

It's so really interesting what you, all together, write!!!
When I was a child, the worst was to figure out what homework I had to do...
It was not lazyness, it had just vanished from my existence, every afternoon. No glue where I had written it down either...

My (diagnosed) daughter (20 years now) lost incredibly many things during her childhood, she just was not aware, WHAT things she had to memorize.
Nowadays I have my ways to remember most things I have to remember. But it is like my brain could never relax, like it were constantly on fire. I would wish to be able to remember what I have to to without consuming that much energy.
Maybe the next step in my live will be to simplyfy things to a degree that will make it possible to live without this constant hiper- awareness...

 

[isthisreallife]

Yup. Short term memory is horrible, I have lists going, on my phone as well. My long term memory freaks my sister out sometimes.

 

[Gracey]

I've just started using my notes on my phone to keep track of things (thanks to this site) its effective too

 

[Spacedin]

I think memory issues are part & parcel with Asperger's issues.

I'm an Aspie who was diagnosed later than any other I've heard of so far (at age 61), & one of my "goals" or intents during the remaining decades (I hope!) of life is to find ways to help other Aspies, from late-bloomers like myself on down to children. I have always been able to remember further back in my childhood than anyone I know. In fact, a sibling accused me of making up the memories I related until I finally asked my Dad about them, and amazed as he was, he said that the events (at least the ones he was aware of) did indeed occur just as I'd described them. The furthest back I can remember is approximately age 1 1/2, but have some fuzzy "picture memories" that I cannot describe, which may have been at an earlier age.

However, in other memory areas I am absolutely hopeless. It's not so much that I have a really bad short term memory for all things, but more the kind where I arrive on a mission to a certain room in the house, then cannot for the life of me remember what I came for. I hate when that happens. But I do remember other recent events and things that have been said.

Part of the family abuse I'd experienced over the years, including throughout adulthood, was being told my "X" or "Y" memories had never happened (like yesterday, or the day before), along with the statement, "Everyone knows you have a terrible memory!" But it's not so. I can clearly remember being told something or an event happening, yet they've usually toyed with me and said I was totally wrong, that never happened, that was never said, etc. It's a mean-spirited thing to do to somebody like us, & often over the years I had ended up doubting myself constantly, believing they must be right, else why would they say those things? Well, the reason in my case is that my Asperger's symptoms were viewed as stupidity throughout my childhood and adulthood, and bullies love to take advantage of people they view as weaker (or weak-minded.)

But aside from that, I have realized only recently that so much of the abuse, mental, emotional & sometimes physical, was "too much to comprehend." It "did not compute" that people (especially those who were supposed to love me) would do such things, would be so mean. In addition, the known symptom of naivete' was very strong in my case, so I could simply never believe that certain people (such as my own mother) would be so hateful to me, their own child, sibling, wife, mother. Therefore I developed a locked-away place in my head to store all those hateful events.

In the last year-plus, they've been flooding back. I'm not sure why. There would seem no positive reason for remembering things so abusive that I had to create an unremembered storage place for them because I couldn't otherwise cope. But I do believe my "job" with them at this point, along with being more aware, hopefully, is to forgive, forgive, forgive. If I hold on to the pain of those memories & feel the anger I didn't allow myself to feel when they were happening, it would serve absolutely no good purpose.

That's all. Sorry. I do tend to write more than necessary, too.

 

[Molly]

Oh yes. My short term memory is ridiculously bad and I also have a good long term memory like most other forum members. I am very good at 'burying' bad childhood memories and sometimes this deletes my few good memories, so I think my brain is now geared to burying things and taking in just the good bits.

I have such a hard time processing information, and peoples' words have trouble sinking in - my responses can be very embarrassing lol when they realise I am not listening to a word they are saying and reply with something inappropriate. I don't do this on purpose, I have always been this way and most of the problems comes down to be over stimulated because of other noises, smells and what's going on around me (distractions) at the time making it hard for me to focus on conversations.

However, if someone talks about something I am really interested in though, or they are very interesting, every word will sink in and will stay there.

I also have terrible face recognition skills (I have face blindness) and I can never remember faces, much to my embarrassment at times.

Oh yes, and I too make endless lists to keep me right.

 

[Spacedin]

I have such a hard time processing information, and peoples' words have trouble sinking in - my responses can be very embarrassing lol when they realise I am not listening to a word they are saying and reply with something inappropriate. I don't do this on purpose, I have always been this way and most of the problems comes down to be over stimulated because of other noises, smells and what's going on around me (distractions) at the time making it hard for me to focus on conversations.

Molly, your entire post resonated w/me, but especially the quote. I know exactly what you mean! And even though we never mean to do it on purpose, many/most people just think the worst. I have numerous anecdotes of this, & sadly, many of them turned out badly. As in people believing something I never meant & thereafter shunning me - pretty much forever.

Has that happened to you in your situations? It hurts, that's fer shur.

 

[Molly]

Hi @Spacedin i am glad I am not the only one like this, and I am so sorry people have shunned you, that's terrible.

I always go out determined to concentrate on people's conversations but once they start taking, I am lost, every time - and I always end up feeling bad, or worse, stupid, and yes, I've lost many a person's interest because they think I am saying something entirely different.

Sometimes, it's hard to believe we are even speaking the same language at times. It sure does hurt though and mostly it's best if I do a quick hi and bye with people whoever possible, which is a shame.

The few people I have remained friends with seem to accept me for what I am, quirks and all and I don't need to worry about what I say or do. I am sure you find that too.

 

[Rob]

Yes it is a big Aspie trait especially for me with keys and my glasses. Misplacing things is a big problem for me. I also have to write notes a lot for myself on scrap paper, making sure not to do the same thing again at work or even at home with my neurotypical sisters or neighbors. Forgetting and not learning are closely related things, so frequent notes in my pants pocket are good reminders.