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Interrupting makes communication difficult

T

Trippy_Wonka

Member
I was in the car with my girl and we were about to go in. She told me she was feeling a little irritable, not quite awake - we had just gotten back from an errand. She was saying she probably just wanted to watch a show for a bit before starting homework. I ask her what she wanted to watch and then immediately think “oh wait too vague she’s not gonna have an answer” so when she says I don’t know like I anticipated I start saying “sports, documentary, or fictional?” Like I was gonna help her narrow it down (weird categories that are indicative that I already wasn’t really thinking about her anymore)

She wasn’t done talking though, she was about to say “let’s just go in and” but of course I was way louder so I shouted her down (accident but doesn’t really matter in practice)

She’s pretty upset because we’ve been having problems with communication.
I always have trouble with interrupting people and I’m trying to learn not to. I’m actually getting way better I’m often active listening, especially with my girl

The trouble is you only have to interrupt someone once. So she’s like “every couple days I have to remind you not to interrupt me” but I’m thinking “yeah but I got for 48 hours at a time without interrupting you”

I see it as a victory but she doesn’t, and it makes me feel like I haven’t made much progress at all. It’s difficult for me to maintain my social confidence, and when one thing is pointed out as “wrong” I tend to lose my ability to be social at all

I don’t know if I have a question I just needed to vent about it to someone I think gets it because I’m having trouble articulating it to her. Also, like, she doesn’t wanna talk right now and I understand that
 
You have thought this through in a very fair way, I like how balanced you are about it and I empathise with the issue, I find it hard sometimes not to interrupt. It can actually be useful to be able to interrupt at times, though, so it's not all bad.

It sounds like you are very good at analysing issues and are making good progress. Maybe you could reasonably alert yr girlfriend to acknowledge your efforts, as 2 days non interruption is a worthwhile achievement. She will likely agree if she thinks about it.
 
I have similar problems. I was thinking about trying to count to 3 before talking..

I do have a suggestion: not today, but maybe when things calm down, show her your post. Tell her that you're trying hard but need her to help you too.
 
People who are chronic interrupters, who don't ever allow the other person to finish a thought without firing off some sort of response, another question, are generally argumentative, in my minds eye I am throat punching them. I even get upset with interviewers on news programs who keep firing away at a person while they are trying to answer the first question. It's literally one of the rudest, most socially unacceptable, frustrating, anger-triggering behaviors I can think of.

As an autistic, I have a very difficult time with verbal conversations because I don't know when it is my turn to speak, and often times, I never do get to speak because the stupid conversation moved on to another topic when I actually had a lot to say about the first topic. It's incredibly frustrating. I need time to formulate an organized thought because I have a lot to say and I have to mentally try to make it clear and concise. It's not easy for me.
 
When I felt unheard or as if I had no say in my life I felt I was just going through motions to get through day,
It wasn't like me to interrupt, be brash or rude....but I was being insensitive about just steering in way of getting things done with little/no emotion.

Is it possible to take a breath and try to go back in time, and re-ingage with people with same old freshness that disappeared? Or is this just an intertangled state of confusion I was in when I got lost somewhere down the line.
 
OP it sounds like you & your gf have a similar communication issue to me & my father (who I suspect has autism like me, only undiagnosed and comorbid with CPTSD).

We’re very different while being cracked in the same places. For one, I’ve been better socialised, and on top of that have worked hard to become a better listener & communicator, where he’s only grown misanthropic with age. He raises his voice, talks over me, monologues and dismisses or mocks my opinions or emotions offhand before I even finish a thought sometimes. He’s also hurled sexist slurs at me or stonewalled during past interactions we’ve had then never apologised or admitted wrongdoing, and I find it hard to let go of misgiving over that. My most common thought about him is, “you don’t listen to me, you don’t care about me, I feel invisible and small and hurt and attacked engaging with you, we may as well not be in each other’s lives.”

Which makes days like today harder—he had a rare breakthrough that sent me to the bathroom silently crying in shock. Out of nowhere, he came over and said to me that I was right about something (just a mundane opinion about a local radio show) and that he’d come around to my way of thinking (though it took someone else—a man, of course—expressing the same thought as me). Tbh I had assumed he was never initially listening to my grumbling, let alone cared enough to retain and remember it. I talk to myself most of the time, as I’m so conditioned to no one listening.

So now he’s dropped a tiny grain of hope into my hands and made it even more difficult to justify cutting off contact or leaving (when I get the means). One nice moment doesn’t make up for decades of pain, though. Poor communicators really do make for a miserable relationship.
 
I noticed this is the way we do thing as my son explained this to his girlfriend that who I am as his dad why I like one on one conversation rather than a group Even at work the suppliers would see the manager, Then drop down to see me individually to see what was really going on. some days steady stream of suppliers. Some even bought associates and would tell them I Was the most knowledable person that taught them a major suppler how to do things that none of their other customers did when it should be them telling us and they could learn from me.
 
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I'm easy to talk to and hardly ever interrupt. I find people who interrupt difficult to talk to, I must admit. My husband does it sometimes. It's annoying.
Although I can yak away, I am still more of a listener. I can usually tell when someone is about to speak, although I tend to go quieter when in a larger group (unless it's with close relatives). Sometimes I just ramble, hoping it will look like I'm chatty and that people might start up a conversation with me.

Sometimes interrupting can be seen as intimidating too. There's this guy at work who interrupts you mid-sentence, and about a completely irrelevant subject to what the conversation is. It can throw you off. He doesn't mean to do it though, I think he has learning difficulties.
 
I'm a natural extravert realized my form of masking is easy keep your mouth shut and be respectful. This is why I never got promoted as my manager told me once you have no social skills. people that know me know I am very social. just my bosses never see this side of me I do not small talk, just hang in the background. Been around the industry so long each time I change positions I already knew the suppliers. my previous job the owner could not solve any of the called meeting asked for any ideas From m my perspective fix was easy just sat back said nothing he hired outside production manager they could not fix business sold. I moved on too next position for much better wages.
 
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I've been offered a promotion because apparently I have good social skills. I had to turn it down though because I know I'll be bad at the organising and keeping on track with everything and dealing with some of the pressure and responsibility you get as a supervisor.
But my social skills can't be that great, otherwise I'd have more friends. Lol
 
Neonatal RRT said:
People who are chronic interrupters, who don't ever allow the other person to finish a thought without firing off some sort of response, another question, are generally argumentative, in my minds eye I am throat punching them. I even get upset with interviewers on news programs who keep firing away at a person while they are trying to answer the first question. It's literally one of the rudest, most socially unacceptable, frustrating, anger-triggering behaviors I can think of.
Click to expand...
Intention matters a lot, though. You're describing a rude, abrasive, abusive, or conflictive person. But @Trippy_Wonka was well-meaning in his interaction with the girlfriend. He was trying to ask more questions to solve a problem with good intentions.
 
I as considered for a promotion in last job lab supervisor the other guy won more experience at company our total combined experience was 90 years. I Had the edge in education. We are also good friends. I was his only employee.
 
@Trippy_Wonka

You can learn to get better at this. You should.

BTW this isn't just an ND thing. a lot of NTs have issues with conversational protocols too.
You'll never be perfect at it, but neither will the vast majority of NTs.

Step one for you: count to two before taking or retaining the initiative in a conversation.

Find some good (non-adversarial) interviews on YouTube, and watch how the interviewer and the subject work together to keep the discussion flowing. Note that interruptions occur, but are not intended to disrupt.
For example, sometimes the interviewee will stop adding value but not stop talking. At that point the interviewer will move to their next prepared topic, and the interviewee will follow along.

It's impossible to tell if your GF is being fair or not. But it's clear you're not here looking for an excuse to break up, so you have plenty of time.
If you slow down (counting to leave a gap) and take the next few steps, you'll eventually be able to assess your GF's behavior. Maybe she's in the right, maybe not - but it sounds like it's too soon to assess or act yet.
 
That would work. Almost anything that makes you stop and think is effective.

FWIW, step two is to learn to frame a complete sentence with genuine, relevant content during the gap.
Feels odd at first, but you get used to it.
 
My late NT wife and my stepson interrupted as often as breathing. I put up with it the first couple of years, always pointing out that they interrupted when I was able to speak again, thinking they would take the hint and correct themselves. Finally giving up on them taking the hint, I started simply walking away when they interrupted me. That seemed to get the point across, and they quickly improved.
 
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