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I should have known it wouldn’t have been different

@Judge , that whole situation is extremely creepy. I would have moved out of complex in fear.
Oh, I was long gone by then, leaving the state permanently to live in Nevada.

Our paths never crossed. Luckily for them more than myself.
 
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I don’t want to start a new thread. I’ll say I watched the Barbie movie today, and it upset me because it reminded me of the struggles I’ve had with the opposite sex in my life.

It has me worrying again, and I’m currently talking to about three or four women on a couple of apps right now, and I’m scared nothing will materialize, because rarely does anything materialize.

I won’t spoil the movie for anyone who wants to see it who hasn’t seen it, but I don’t feel enough, I don’t feel whole without somebody in my desire to get married.
 
Another one, someone I’d been messaging on Hiki said she wanted to just be friends.

Me:
Of course. Of course you just want to be friends. All women do is hurt me and disappoint me. As somebody longing for married life, desperate to tie the knot, when in the world am I going to have my turn? I put in so much effort, and it’s almost always all for naught. It makes me hate myself. You talking to me helped make me feel better.

If you’re not able to have a family, I get that. But haven’t I suffered enough?

I can’t just be friends with a woman, because I’m always going to want more.

Nevertheless, that’s your decision. I don’t hate you, I hate me. I want to wish you well with your job, and all the best to your pets/niece/family.

She said how she had a hysterectomy last April and can’t have kids, while she doesn’t like to travel (I do), while using THC as medication and sometimes, rarely, does drugs for fun.

She told me she’s more than a placeholder, so am I and she doesn’t want me hating myself, as she really does think I’m great.

Honestly, I think she did me a favor, because I don’t have anything against drug users, but I don’t think I’d want to be with one.
 
If you expect women to meet this marriage need and you can't be friends with them, then you will not find a relationship you want. All you're communicating is that you don't value these people and you expect them to make your dreams come true.

Try to keep in mind that dating is an entirely modern and artificial concept. The earliest people would have formed relationships with those they were much more familiar with. Online dating, courtship, and stuff like Sex and the City is just fantasy. It has nothing to do with actually caring for someone or being cared for.

With a hysterectomy, this woman has been through a lot. I would be grateful she's so understanding despite your rage.
 
If you expect women to meet this marriage need and you can't be friends with them, then you will not find a relationship you want. All you're communicating is that you don't value these people and you expect them to make your dreams come true.

Try to keep in mind that dating is an entirely modern and artificial concept. The earliest people would have formed relationships with those they were much more familiar with. Online dating, courtship, and stuff like Sex and the City is just fantasy. It has nothing to do with actually caring for someone or being cared for.

With a hysterectomy, this woman has been through a lot. I would be grateful she's so understanding despite your rage.
I wouldn’t call it rage, more hurt than rage.

Many times, girls/women have wanted to be just friends with me. First of all, if I took them up on their friendship, it’d be a painful reminder for me. Second, what are the chances ‘just friends’ would actually grow into something greater?

Of course, friendship is a basis in a relationship, but will just a friendship get me what I want?
 

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