I Can't Just Be Normal

[ems]

Ok.

I have managed to lose 2 hired home helps in less than 6 months due to not being able to be normal.

I cannot either:

A. Treat them like a stranger, aloof, reserved and distant

B. Stop being all or nothing about it.

I instantly make up my mind that I can either trust the person or not, bring them full pelt into my world, no social filter, tell all my secrets, get very close, then just when the bond seems unbreakable, it breaks.

From them breaking it. Not me. My problem is I'm also far too nice and loving and reluctant to see when I'm being walked over.

 

[Datura]

What kind of help do these people provide?
Did they specify that your behaviour is to blame, or are you inferring? On what evidence?
Did you hire them individually or through the same agency?
Upon leaving, were you supplied with a new helper?

If these are personal support workers my best advice is to not get attached. They are only there because they are being paid to be there. Part of their job is being friendly but they are not your friends.

Having worked as a support worker I have had clients who I would be happy to call my friends, but professional boundaries dictate that our relationship remain strictly professional. The ethics of being friends with a client are just far too dubious and complicated.

 

[OkRad]

Ok.

I have managed to lose 2 hired home helps in less than 6 months due to not being able to be normal.

I cannot either:

A. Treat them like a stranger, aloof, reserved and distant

B. Stop being all or nothing about it.

I instantly make up my mind that I can either trust the person or not, bring them full pelt into my world, no social filter, tell all my secrets, get very close, then just when the bond seems unbreakable, it breaks.

From them breaking it. Not me. My problem is I'm also far too nice and loving and reluctant to see when I'm being walked over.

That is so me!!! We are like kids and trust people and dont understand "grown up" sht. Well i dont.

At first it is all new. Then they dont want it. There is a way of the world i am not getting. I do nt know what it is. If i just LOOKED like i am still ten it would be ok

 

[Alaska]

Ok.

I have managed to lose 2 hired home helps in less than 6 months due to not being able to be normal.

I cannot either:

A. Treat them like a stranger, aloof, reserved and distant

B. Stop being all or nothing about it.

I instantly make up my mind that I can either trust the person or not, bring them full pelt into my world, no social filter, tell all my secrets, get very close, then just when the bond seems unbreakable, it breaks.

From them breaking it. Not me. My problem is I'm also far too nice and loving and reluctant to see when I'm being walked over.

You said you cannot stop your all-or-nothing behavior because you are not normal. As far as you have told us in this thread post, you have decided this because of losing only two workers who quit on you.

Your behavior may have absolutely nothing to do with them quitting. People who do this work are not usually paid well. That could be entirely responsible for them deciding to quit.

Do not beat yourself up over this. Be yourself, and eventually you will find a worker who will stay for a while.

Even NTs decide within 2 seconds what their relationship will be with a new person. There is nothing wrong with you doing the same.

 

[vangelis]

Often when I look at people I think if that is what "normal" is I am very glad that I'm not.

 

[Desiree W]

Often when I look at people I think if that is what "normal" is I am very glad that I'm not.

My sentiments exactly! I've never been "normal".

 

[Desiree W]

My sentiments exactly! I've never been "normal".

Also, I think being "normal" is soooo overrated.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Also, I think being "normal" is soooo overrated.

Problem is they do rate it.

You have to pass the exam to be 'normal'

Other flavours are also available:-
'Stupid'
'Boring'
'Bigoted'
'Normal'. High comorbidity with the above 3.