How You Deal With These Kind Of Jealousy, Rejection & Disappointment Scenarios ???

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Please note that not all of these scenarios are applicable to me, but I can appreciate all of them never the less (if just perhaps because some I’ve read or seen in magazines).

Relationships- (for instance one’s with great personalities, similar interests to you, big or appealing physical assets/features (of sexual nature), one’s of your preferred ethnicity or age). Perhaps a guy (women don’t count as much as they’re mostly all inundated with good/bad suitors) who has the ideal girlfriend or one who has loads of casual and perhaps sexual encounters with loads of stories that are the stuff of fantasies (to some anyway).

Jobs- People (especially those you know or those of whom are your friends) earning way more than you or being way more successful than you? Are you destined to be nearer the bottom of the ladder, do they deserve success more than you or do you simply deserve failure or less than them. You try so hard and find modest successes which hold you over for a while but always it’s never near your ideal amount.

Forums- Those who post a question and get inundated with good answers or those that just help the OP become the centre of attention and threads that go on for ages with responses or discussions based on your question versus those you have posted which are none of the above and get few or none (though this may not always be the case).

Recognition and praise- Do you hate those who crave none (or so they say) yet receive much, whilst you try to be modest and reserved yet receive none or just from the wrong people. Maybe it’s on this forum you see others post a few things and bam- 12 likes and various other awards but all your greatest efforts manage but a few (if that).

Friends- Are you friends with others who make so many more friends and so much more easily than yourself or perhaps you don’t have many or any friends for a benchmark. When they have a party or leave their job they have a nice big following or party because it’s so easy for them to be wanted and appreciated in ways (despite your best range of efforts) cannot master.

Fame- I’ll leave fortune out, but you look at famous people and always forget that they were once just ordinary people. X-factor winners may be the easiest ones to identify with as you see them as ordinary people for a while before they eventually become the attention of every magazine, forum and TV chat show etc. Even those who are lightly famous (i.e youtube successors).

Intelligence/Talent- Can you ever be as intelligent or talented (in whatever way you perhaps desire or envy it). Do your great efforts and achievements pale in comparison to others of whom have fame, fortune or found love or something else meaningful as a result of it. Maybe you’re just a dreamer who knows he/she can never be as good as that other person (afterall, this isn’t a film/movie or some other fictional scenario we’re talking about).

Physical features- Are you losing your hair whilst others keep it (at whatever age) or maybe someoone’s more muscular or physically fit than you are or you hate your body or looks etc. You can knock the whole “he/she may be good looking, but does he/she have personality” all you want, but much like the “it’s not the size of the wiener it’s the motion of the ocean” thing, what if that other person or those other people do have both, where does that leave you then?

How often are you totally unaware of how prepared for failure and disappointment you actually needed to be when you were so trapped in delusion based on what you thought was decent evidence?

I may add more, but these are the ones I could think of in half an hour and I can personally identify with some, others I’m just aware of. I want to know what’s going on in your head when you are one or more of these scenarios (even if you don’t have a resolution for them).

 

[Tankgirlboy77]

I think there's no end to your misery as long as you insist on comparing yourself with other people. I think we on the spectrum are destined to be more frustrated in life than those who are not, but I think we can make it worse for ourselves if we dwell on these differences. Even NTs are susceptible to all the frustrations and envies you have described above... I guess it's just the human condition, especially in our current society.

All that you describe, even if you had it is only outer wealth that you may well take for granted if you did have it. I suspect you have a lot of good things going for you, but you're too hung up on what you don't have.

I won't say these things don't matter, but at the end of the day they only get you so far. If you can't discover your own happiness without them, no amount of good looks, money and success is going to help you. Plenty of people who do have these things are equally unhappy, because they find these things to be empty and the admiration of others to be transitory or conditional. Similarly they too are haunted by the recognition that there will always be people out there who seem to have it even better than they do.

What you're looking for is validation from other people, but no one else can give you peace of mind until you find it in yourself.

This is just my two cents and immediate reaction to your post. Apologies if it isn't very helpful or sounds wishy washy. I get the same sort of anxieties, and find I have to be strict with myself to refocus my attention on what I do have and what I have achieved. It's a never ending task, but ultimately it's the sure fire way to avoid the spiral of envy, negativity, self loathing and depression.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

I think there's no end to your misery as long as you insist on comparing yourself with other people. I think we on the spectrum are destined to be more frustrated in life than those who are not, but I think we can make it worse for ourselves if we dwell on these differences. Even NTs are susceptible to all the frustrations and envies you have described above... I guess it's just the human condition, especially in our current society.

All that you describe, even if you had it is only outer wealth that you may well take for granted if you did have it. I suspect you have a lot of good things going for you, but you're too hung up on what you don't have.

I won't say these things don't matter, but at the end of the day they only get you so far. If you can't discover your own happiness without them, no amount of good looks, money and success is going to help you. Plenty of people who do have these things are equally unhappy, because they find these things to be empty and the admiration of others to be transitory or conditional. Similarly they too are haunted by the recognition that there will always be people out there who seem to have it even better than they do.

What you're looking for is validation from other people, but no one else can give you peace of mind until you find it in yourself.

This is just my two cents and immediate reaction to your post. Apologies if it isn't very helpful or sounds wishy washy. I get the same sort of anxieties, and find I have to be strict with myself to refocus my attention on what I do have and what I have achieved. It's a never ending task, but ultimately it's the sure fire way to avoid the spiral of envy, negativity, self loathing and depression.

Well I was literally portraying all of this at it's worst (I don't often think like this, but I have done and still do). It was more just to find out how others relate to this (misry loves company, even though I'd hardly describe myself typically as miserable). I don't normally compare myself to others except for that which I desperately craved or craved or those that most others do have and I do not. It's ironic that almost (if not all) of those in that previous post of mine that did apply did not just 4-5yrs ago and before, I felt I had it all and needed no praise nor justification.

 

[Tankgirlboy77]

I would say I relate most to the talent one. I just lack any particular talent for anything and am generally plagued with self doubt when I try my hand at anything, while it looks like some people just have natural aptitudes for things. Whatever mine is, I've not yet discovered it so I lack that sort of fulfilling aspect of life of achieving things I'm proud of. I'm currently trying to find my way through those sort of anxieties.

The other stuff probably annoyed me at one time or another. I don't know how I dealt with them, other than accepting what I couldn't change about myself and working on what I could.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Couldn't you re-title this as "Relationships" or something? "Women" feels a little dehumanizing.

Done.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Done.

Thanks