How was your childhood?

[Bella Pines]

I haven't decided.

On the one hand, my father tried to kill himself by sticking his head in the oven of all places, failed, then left shortly afterward.

My mother was a paranoid schizophrenic who wouldn't leave the house and spent most of her time chatting away to the voice inside her head. The house was yellow from cigarette smoke and generally falling apart. My school uniform was cobbled together from lost property and I got myself to school and back from the age of 6. My mother eventually tried to kill herself and also failed.

But actually, I was happy. I was alone and free. I used to spend hours in a nearby forest and enjoyed school. I had 1 friend, which was more than enough and amazingly, we are still friends now. I became self sufficient and had enough alone time to not get overloaded. So I think that was probably the best childhood I could have had. However, my childhood may also have exacerbated my aspergers, but all in all it could have been a LOT worst.

 

[Butterfly88]

My parents are very loving. However, I was abused at preschool. I didn't tell my parents about the abuse until high school. I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS when I was 7, after the abuse occurred. However, I believe I was autistic before then and that my autism made me an easy target. As far as genetics go I've heard women with Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome are more likely to have children with ASD and my mom does have that.

 

[Cinnamon115]

I had a happy childhood until I entered fifth grade. Then.... things fell apart. I'm still picking up the pieces.

 

[Ocarina]

I found it difficult to answer this question.

My father was very like me - kind, gentle, unconventional, peace loving - he worked away in the US whilst we lived in the UK so wasn't around much. My mother was temperamental, unhappy, had had a difficult childhood and wasn't a natural mother - we walked on eggshells around her. She had numerous boyfriends who came to stay. Seemed to hate me (and told me so) because I was disorganised, passive. Spent alot of time trying to please her so did very well at school and university and learnt to fit in very well - but always felt distant from peers. Infact I still do.

I think my father was on the spectrum -my mother I am not so sure - perhaps more like some kind of personality disorder stemming from her abusive childhood. She thought I was wierd and told me so - even recently. That really hurts.

I have tried to make sure that my kids feel loved - my second son, who is on the spectrum phoned last night to tell me what an amazing mum I was and that all the kids always feel I am there for them whatever. That was really really wonderful.

 

[Mattymatt]

I had a very messed-up childhood. My father would berate me for being overweight and whenever I would gain weight. But he never offered solutions or help, just anger and frustration. He's the cause of my dysmorphia and probably a good bit responsible for the condition that I am in today. My father is/was a bully. Just last month he wanted to re-establish some kind of relationship with me and I told him that he would have to earnestly admit his responsibility for where I am at today and apologize. Well, as typical of folks suffering from anti-social personality disorder he just hung up the phone and I laughed.

I have nothing to do with him now and I am happy that way. I can never forgive him for the damage he's done. As a result, I am morbidly obese, diabetic, and have sleep apnea. At least I am finally taking some matters into my own hands and undergoing elective gastric bypass surgery. I hate docs and medical appointments but I plan on suffering through this in silence. All other attempts to lose weight have resulted in weight lost but summarily regained. It's either lose weight or possibly die a painful death. My childhood was so bad that I lost my fear of death, thinking that death might be preferable to this existence. Today, I have a neutral perspective on life. I realize we're here temporarily and when it's my time to go, then so be it. I just don't want to go painfully.

 

[wadorama]

Awesome topic Fitzo and one I have often wondered about. My brother and I grew up in a 1920's house so maybe the physical environment was a factor, but my father had some head issues too so maybe not. My brother checked out at half my current age. Did he eat more paint than I did, or just get more of my dad's genes? Who the eff knows?

 

[SchrodingersMeerkat]

It sucked. I was diagnosed but it was so new there wasn't anything anyone really could have done about it and had I been growing up today I'd probably just be subjected to ABA-esque "therapy" and be in some kind of juvenile offenders program for defending myself and attacking my "therapist". Those autistic kids you see on the news who are arrested for attacking their teachers are just like I was as a kid. I defiantly would have had a rap sheet if I were a child today. I was always being told not to talk about my special interests or told I could only talk about them so many times a day or for so many minutes, while everyone else was allowed to blabber on about football, stock car racing, Harry Potter, animae, or whatever THEY liked. I was also forced into activities I didn't really want to do and my mom would only let me do them if they were supposedly for autistic kids.

I had to go to a school where I had everything but rape done to me. And I came VERY close to being raped a few times. My parents refused to put me in another school because they didn't want to move. My mom did eventually quit her job to home-school me but she put WAY too much pressure on me until the point I had a nervous breakdown. I was also punished for having meltdowns.

I couldn't go to regular horseback riding lessons. I had to have them privately with a school psychologist who happened to own a few horses and who also abused them. I had to go to the summer camp she ran for special needs kids. It was horrible and I'm pretty sure there were some violations going on at the place too. It was in the middle of the woods on the land of a regular camp ground. Most of the kids were wheelchair bound and had SEVERE disabilities such as needing a feeding tube. I don't even think there was an RN on staff because I overheard one of the counselors ask another one if they knew how to give a diabetic kid his shot. I was bullied by the counselors who were just teenagers with no training looking for an easy summer job. A lot of them smoked and drank and they did not regulate that. They just said to be careful and not do it where the ranger could see them doing it. I begged and begged for them to let me go home but they didn't listen to me. As an adult, if I don't want to go somewhere or do something, no one can force me. If I'm being abused or assaulted, I can sue. As a child, I was powerless.

 

[Nihil]

Was born with a genetic disorder called VCFS that caused a lot of health issues (such as: a heart defect, hearing problems, triple hernia, feeding problems), and I was sick often (I had pneumonia twice). My stepbrother died in a car accident too, which resulted in my father becoming severely depressed, so he wasn't around often, and started drinking more. He's still an alcoholic to this day. Eventually my father's apathy among other things led to my parents getting divorced after one huge argument, and he got arrested. Had to visit him every other weekend. So, that probably caused some social development issues, to say the least.

 

[Alan tm]

In General, lonley, confusing .
Having my arm yanked and being told .
Hurry up and grow up.

No friends .

Trying not to do things wrong .
Being hit by teachers, faking that I was smart because I felt I was a failure .

Very few times were good

 

[Progster]

My parents were kind and loving and did what they thought was best for me, but there were misunderstandings, stress and pressure due to my undiagnosed Asperger's.

 

[pjcnet]

My parents were kind and loving and did what they thought was best for me, but there were misunderstandings, stress and pressure due to my undiagnosed Asperger's.

Well I was one of the small minority of children that was diagnosed with autism that became closer to the higher functioning end of the autistic spectrum in the 1970s. I will give some of the background again, please skip to the next paragraph which is more relevant to yourself if you wish. Back then there wasn't officially even an autistic spectrum and there was no such thing as Asperger's Syndrome, you were either autistic or you weren't, at the very most you could be said to have mild autism, but even this was rare because almost everyone who wasn't severely and blatantly autistic (what we'd now call on the lower functioning part of the autistic spectrum) wasn't diagnosed at all. I was only recognised because of my extremely slow speech development and also because both my brothers are on the very low functioning end of the autistic spectrum, this attracted high level expert attention, they were particularly fascinated because back then autism wasn't supposed to be inherited or genetic and all 3 of us having autism definitely didn't fit in with this belief so they wanted to confirm it. Eventually the highest expert in the field in the entire UK officially diagnosed all 3 of us during a day visit to the Maudsley Hospital in London which I still remember today even though I was only about 7 or 8 years old, this was Professor Michael Rutter (now known as Sir Professor Michael Rutter, knighted for his work with autistic children), he is still alive at 84 years of age at the time of writing. I clearly remember the CCTV camera that followed me around his room that fascinated me, I wanted to know how it worked and I tested to see if it was following my movements, it was, CCTV like this was very rare around 1977/8 and would have cost a fortune. Much more recently, about 3 or 4 years ago I was given a more up to date diagnosis of ASD and OCD.

Anyway my point is there was still misunderstandings, stress and pressure with my parents despite being diagnosed, so whether a diagnosis would have helped make things a lot better for you is debatable and a lot of it comes down to your particular parents.

The friction at home was especially bad with my Dad who was/is much less patient and understanding than my Mum, he seemed to be bitter that he had 3 young children that were all autistic. As young children we were all hyperactive with serious behaviour problems plus meltdowns, we saw "experts" including psychiatrists who offered advice, but real help was close to non existent, when we was very young we even all had epilepsy which is more common with autistic children.

Since I was the only one who started to improve closer towards the higher functioning end of the spectrum that really started to show from the age of about 5 or 6 when people started to better understand my speech, my Dad started clinging onto hope for me that I would be "normal". He treated me like a normal NT child and expected me to be a normal NT child with no patience and little tolerance when I simply wasn't, I was even sent to "normal school" against all expert advice where I had a awful time that included terrible bullying, especially when I reached senior school age when I even got suspended repeatedly after having meltdowns when I got bullied. I constantly and repeatedly disappointed my Dad as I got older. I used to dread him coming home from work and I used to love Saturdays when I was off school because he was a manager of a shop that opened on that day. My Mum was a lot more patient and understanding, although there was times that even she'd struggle to cope.

I didn't half have my fall outs with my Dad and it got even worse in my teenage years and looking back most were over autistic traits that really annoyed him, they often blew up into a bigger argument if I for instance answered him back or kept repeatedly doing it. For instance he'd complain about me raising the level of my voice, for not acting my age, for repeating and going on about things, for not being able to stop myself from talking when he was watching the TV, even stimming and so much more. Unfortunately this is still all too familiar even now with a so called "friend" and I'm 48 years old, I still get told that I'm doing autistic things on purpose. As I got older into my teenage years there was many scenes with me melting down and my mother trying to stop my Dad from having a go at me, sometimes he's then argue with my Mum and he's would walk out leaving a horrible atmosphere, but he'd always be back later or at the very latest the next day. When I was old enough to legally leave home I'd receive repeated threats of being forced to move out by my Dad, before this he'd threaten me with boarding school. What was even worse was after each fall out with my Dad he could sulk for literally a week before he'd start acting "normal" again, if I was lucky to go that long without another fall out. None of the fall outs were intentional and I tried my very best to avoid them.

I put up with living at home with my Dad until I was 30 years old when he put even more pressure on me to move out. I didn't move out earlier because I was very backward with life skills and still am, this most definitely showed because I fell flat on my face and my life turned really nasty once I moved out with no support network in place and I received a lot of abuse as a vulnerable adult, but that's a long story.

It wasn't that my Dad didn't care about me, he worked hard and did everything he could to provide, we did also have our good times. Unlike my Mum he had a bad upbringing himself and he just couldn't cope so easily, but he still amazingly helps to look after my 2 adult brothers who as I mentioned earlier are on the very low functioning part of the autistic spectrum (E.g. they can't count to 5) along with my mother and they're now worryingly both heading towards their late 70s (it frightens me that my brothers will be at the mercy of the state for their care with so much abuse in the system). My Dad has mellowed since I left home somewhat in his older age, I don't see him that much, but we get on much better at a distance in short spurts.

 

[Mr Allen]

Difficult.

I was bullied throughout my school life for being deaf and disabled, and in 1987, I was sent to a different school with a Special Needs "unit" (I hate those words, contrary to popular belief I am NOT "special"), and I hated all 5 years of being in the Unit under Mrs Freeman the "Dragon Lady" as I called her.

 

[Phanelope]

I couldn’t vote for some reason. Mine was dysfunctional, violent, verbally abusive and I suspect a genetic component.

As an adult/teen, I had memories of my mum beating me for no reason. As I got older I thought there must have been a reason, just I wasn’t aware of it. On my mother’s death bed my mum confessed that there had been times that were hard and she blamed it on me and would beat me For no reason. She would sometimes come in the room and punch or kick me while I was sleeping.

I was also punished for what I now recognise as my autistic traits. I would cry very often, although I’m not sure exactly why. I do remember not liking the feel of my school dress and hating having my hair brushed (it is very curly). My mum used to beat me over the head with the brush if I cried. I remember crying because my mum made me go outside. I remember crying because my mum made me eat yucky food, and I remember the old “I’ll give you something to cry about”. And she did. I remember being teased for being a “cry baby”.

I remember my mum hating when I balled my hands into fists, or put them under my bum, under my arms or between my thighs . She would slap my hands and roughly pull my fingers open. She told me she wished she had aborted me, and even drove me to an orphanage once. When she met my step dad she left me alone and started on him. They were always arguing and getting into fights. She pretty much ignored me until my teen years when I had a complete emotional breakdown and she told me to “get over it”.

I moved out at 16.

I’m certain my mum had undiagnosed mental health issues. Maybe bipolar or BPD. My aunts are all socially awkward, as are my cousins, and 4 of my second cousins are diagnosed with ASD.

 

[Progster]

Anyway my point is there was still misunderstandings, stress and pressure with my parents despite being diagnosed, so whether a diagnosis would have helped make things a lot better for you is debatable and a lot of it comes down to your particular parents.

I think that if I had been diagnosed, things might not have been better or worse, but certainly different. I was pushed very hard by my parents to achieve academically and was often pushed outside my comfort zone, but if they hadn't done so I might not have been as independent as I now am. I had difficult circumstances growing up, because my mother died when I was very young and I lived with my grandparents for the first few years of my life (my father remarried), then all sorts of excuses and explanations found for my autistic behaviour, such as being spoilt by my grandparents, or that I was traumatised because of the loss of my mother, or because I moved and couldn't settle. I think that they would not have let my diagnosis become an excuse not to try and succeed, as was the case with my brother who has Tourettes and learning difficulties. My parents were told that he would never get a job, never live independently, but he has achieved both of these things, albeit with a lot of support.

 

[AO1501]

My childhood was violent, abusive, dysfunctional and confusing. Yet at the same time quite satisfying.

There was only my mother and brother. He was vicious and bullied me routinely. My mother didn't care, and didn't notice the cuts and bruises, and when she sometimes did, he blamed me for attacking him and that he'd just been defending himself. He stole things and broke things and blamed me, she believed him. He was the 'good' child, I was the difficult and bad one. When I was 6, she told a friend of hers we were visiting that she wished I was dead, and she said that right in front of me as if I wasn't there or couldn't hear or understand her.

Yet I lived in my own world almost entirely, so while there was a lot happening to me and around me that I didn't like, it didn't really bother me. In my world, I interacted with other people minimally, rarely spoke, usually read books, and in that isolation, I was quite satisfied and contented.

I made a few friends at school, and my brother stole them, and used them as his gang to bully me some more, extending what he did at home to what they did at school. This made me angry, and I was punished by teachers and my mother for being an angry child, and having tantrums, which were really meltdowns. There were no autism diagnoses in those days, and in any event, my mother never showed any signs of wanting to know why I was different and unusual.

When I was older, I basically spent my life outside home, often wandering the local mountains alone for days at a time. Being alone was the only time I ever felt safe.

At school, I was a loner, and because I scored 63 on an IQ test when I was 10, I was put in a class of 'special needs' children in high school to be babysat. I was frustrated by that and to show I should be in the general education population instead, I invaded a senior maths class and solved a quadratic equation by interrupting the teacher as he was writing it on the board.

The rest of my childhood was a battle between me, getting the education I wanted, and the school, giving me the education they thought I needed, all the while communicating as little as possible and avoiding interactions with others whenever I could.

My childhood was a struggle, but I think I won, even if not entirely on my terms. I left behind the people I had learned I couldn't trust and didn't like, and dismissed them from my life. I have no idea if my brother or mother are alive or dead, and don't care in the slightest.