How I do eye-contact

[Divrom]

I thought it might be useful to share techniques any of us use to cope with eye-contact.

Here are a few things I do:

1) lots of little glimpses

Rather than prolonged eye contact, I look briefly in their eyes, then look away, then back, etc.

2) look at other parts of the face.

Just above or below the eyes, bridge of the nose, etc.

3) focus on the eyeball

This is the one I find most useful. I forget about "eye-contact", looking into someone's soul, personal connection, intimacy or anything like that. Instead, I just look at someone's eyeball.

4) imagine they have a glass eye

This is just like the one above, but it's even easier if I imagine I'm looking at a glass eye.

5) look through their eyes

However, some people seem to notice this.


Anything else you do?

 

[Soup]

I employ many of the same strategies but not the lots of little glances one because, as a woman, guys take it as a flirtatious gesture. Looking at the upper eyelid works too or at their eyelashes. If you don't get stuck in a stare, they can't really tell it isn't real eye contact.

 

[wyverary]

4) imagine they have a glass eye

Definitely trying this one.

Truth be told, though, I've pretty much given up entirely. It's always the forehead for me. Sometimes I look at their t-shirts and compliment them on them, but I don't think this works so well with women.

 

[Kadevilbig]

Eye contact was a big struggle for me as a kid, everyone told me to look a person in the eyes when I talked or when they were talking. In school I got teased because they said I was staring at them.

So this is the method I came up with its similar to the previous posts.

(Stop think question) I want to start of with a question for you what is the reason for eye contact in the first place.
(Answer) To let people know you are listening, trust, and for the average person to read facial expressions
(Method) I think that it is more important to maintain eye contact with whom your are taking when it's there turn then you can look away when you talk.
(Reason for method) If you do this the person knows that you are listening to what they are saying and you do not have to be uncomfortable when you talk.

 

[Divrom]

Definitely trying this one.

Truth be told, though, I've pretty much given up entirely. .

I hope it works out for you. I used this just today... I didn't look someone in the eye. I intentionally looked at their physical eyeball. It actually reminded me of Science classes when we had to dissect a Pig's eyeball.

Then I thought of it like a marble and quickly returned to the glass eye idea. And then the conversation was over.

Phew. Survived another day!

 

[Aalo]

My former teacher had a glass eye, and I struggled for years with it as I didn't know which one to look. That was just too much. They usually pointed onto different directions, so I ended up shifting continuously between each and I bet that wasn't nice for him either, so I also bet that these short glimpses aren't that good idea.

I've just found out that looking at jaw line can be pretty easy. As it's much closer than looking at walls or shoes it really seems almost to reach to same effect on some people - they feel that I'm looking at them with no feeling of need of escaping. It's like I'd be talking to the whole face at once and it feels pretty right. I just can't see it worth the try forcing myself to go any more near the eyes.

 

[rhubarbo]

4) imagine they have a glass eye

AS Wyverary said - this sounds like something I'll try tomorrow! Thanks!

 

[epath13]

Therapists usually advise to look at forehead, or switch between forehead, shoulders, space behind a person. I think you shouldn't stare into people eyes all the time, it's not polite and makes people feel uncomfortable if I remember it right ... "wandering" around top part of a person's head is more appropriate for business conversations. Looking at the lower part of the head is more suitable for a conversation between friends or acquaintances. When I was a kid I was fascinating by human eyes, so I looked sort of at their eyes not into them. I couldn't really pay attention to what people were saying though. Looking into people's eyes has always been uncomfortable, it feels like I'm drowning in their soles or something, really weird feeling. Some also advise to look at the space between the eyes.

 

[_Josh_]

I've always heard people say things like, "I can't trust a person who can't look me in the eye." Which leads me, with family members especially, to try to force myself to look into their eyes while talking to them, and they to me. At least as long as I can take it. This is bad and I know it, as I'm sure I'm looking at them with some forceful manner as the anxiety quickly builds up. I can only imagine what they are thinking when I do this. Otherwise I look at people's mouths when they are speaking, or look around. I also look around when I'm speaking, and I feel this is best as it's like when someone looks around when they are thinking and speaking. I also do the "lots of quick glances" method often. I've never tried to imagine a glass eye and don't really see it as working for myself. I'd be self conscious about that in thinking they may notice I'm staring at one of their eyes. I'd think that would seem stranger than my method of looking around, and down (shaking my head when appropriate) as if I'm thinking when spoken to or speaking. I also could see some problems with the "forehead method." I would be self consious that the person may think I'm staring at their hair style or lack thereof. I could also see some major problems if it's a male who is balding. The quick glances too, I have to say, I do it in a manner which I believe would lead others to think I'm just hyper or something. I've never had anyone say anything to me about not looking them in the eye ever though with any method used. Thankfully.

 

[Fox]

When I was a kid I forced myself to make eye contact with myself in a mirror for hours and hours on end. I knew that part of the eye contact stuff for me would come from being comfortable making eye contact with myself.

It seemed to work better as a kid though. Now that I'm an adult I find it uncomfortable looking into somebody's eyes and I don't even try to look at people some days. It gets really awkward for me in stores and whatnot. In situations where I have to do those things (school, job interview) I'll glance off while I talk, and while they talk I look at them but I'm fairly certain I've moved from faking good eye contact to getting "the stares" in the past year or so.

I'm going to see if the glass eye/eyeball trick works the next time I need to make eye contact-thanks for the suggestion!

 

[rhubarbo]

Regarding the glass eyeball -

AS Wyverary said - this sounds like something I'll try tomorrow! Thanks!

This did not really work for me. I thought that just thinking it was something else might work - but no luck for me at least. I do, however, use some of the other techniques - especially (#2) looking at other part of the face - like eye brows.

 

[SUM1]

I just don't... do eye contact.

 

[Parkerr]

It seems as if the beginning of a conversation ill have consists of me looking away from whoever is talking to me. Eventually i adjust my head and suddenly seem to have natural eye-contact for the duration of the of the interaction. Today at my school a girl told me it was cute how i avoided looking at her when she confronted me, it made me smile which made her laugh. I think ill stick to being awkward.

 

[Kadevilbig]

I wanted to expand on my previous post on eye contact, I personaly used this method untill recently. Becuase i wanted to make sure that the person knew i was listening and aviod some of the discomfort of maintaining eye contact becuase i didn't know what there body language meant. about 3 mounths ago i started to look at the person the whole time instead of just when they are talking and as a result i am learning to read facial expression pick up on tone of vocie and posture. the fact is eye contact is uncomfartable at first but if you work on it little by little to point you are maintain eye contact it may be possible to learn how to read body lanuage. In addition to this i have tried to learn to read body luange through pictures flashcards or websites but the only way to obtian this skills is to maintain eye contact socialize and interact its a skill that cannot be learned by reading about it. I'm 22 years old and im just starting to obtian this skill it takes alot of hardwork, time, and discomfort but its doable.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

This is why I can't tell if I'm an NT or Aspie. I have no problems looking people in the eyes and sometimes I have to look away because I feel like I'm staring them down or something. Only time I have a problem is with a cute fella. I look everywhere but in their eyes! (Maybe that's why guys look at women's breasts?) They're probably just shy!

 

[shakeitup94]

Don't like eye contact. Creeps me out. I can only look at someone if they aren't looking at me. I force myself sometimes but I'd rather not. But I can fake it well in large groups. I just look all around and everyone thinks I was looking at them the whole time. In smaller groups I tend to square my head off with them then move my eyes everywhere.

 

[Spinosaurus kin]

focus on the eyeball

 

[Spinosaurus kin]

Which eye? People have two!

 

[GoofKing]

This technique requires some effort and skill to master but if you concentrate on your peripheral vision to observe the outline of their head and upper torso (imagine an aura), this gives the affect of contact without the piercing focus that some of us might be prone to.

That's what I usually do, I usually try to look at the outside of their eyes or some other place but I can briefly look into their eyes now-a-days. I wonder how many people I freaked out with my piercing focus ..

 

[paloftoon]

I personally don't care that much about eye contact most of the time. Another thing I thought of is you could actually print out a picture of someone and just practice staring at them for about 10 seconds. I can look, but I feel if I look too long in one time increment, people will think I'm staring at them inappropriately.