How do you know if you love someone?

[Maelstrom]

Yes, what you do affects how you feel. Maybe not right away, but in the long term it does.
People forget that. They are like: "I can't help how I feel/think." Or, "what I feel/think doesn't matter, only what I do matters."In some cases I want to say to them: But you worked hard to feel/think that way. (Not that they said " I will feel a certain way", but they took actions that would guarantee that feeling/way of thinking/attitude).
Not that people are always responsible for what they feel. No, there are so many other factors: things that happened in their past, the physiology of their individual body (maybe the original poster naturally produces less oxytocin than his wife), etc, etc. But in many cases, one's feelings/thoughts are the direct result of the accumulated deliberate actions they have taken over a long period of time.

Hi Ste11aeres I agree with you, I hope you don't mind if I point out you make a great unintended point. Affairs don't just happen because you because bumped into your perfect soulmate at the market...and of course the fact that they are younger cuter or richer and more exciting couldn't possibly matter Noooo! But if you take a close look you will almost always find a whole lot of time was invested chatting and flirting that should have been spent on the wife or husband....and then they say, (but it just happened), plaintively. No it didn't, you chose for it to happen again and again...for days, and weeks, maybe even months. Love is a investment, the trick is to invest wisely, So everyone ends up Happy!

 

[Mary Anne]

I usually gauge by how loyal, protective, and territorial I am over somebody, and how much I trust them.

I don't make a fuss when my kid gets hurt on purpose, regardless of how much I do or don't I feel. I don't want to have a panicky little kid that falls apart every time as he so much as bumps into the couch. And it does come in handy. When he was about a year old and still ironing out the kinks of walking, he lost his balance and hit his head on a table leg. It cut his eyelid just a little, but still hurt a lot and bled like crazy. I just picked him up, bounced him a little because it calms babies down, and had him cleaned up before long. I think I gave him some Tylenol too since it was pretty tender. He quieted down as the pain did and was fine. You don't have to fly apart to be a good parent. Use that Aspie calmness to reassure that they're okay and let your analytical side make them good-as-new in no time.

Gotta tell you that I spent a lifetime hating my father for his extreme passiveness and lack of emotional expressiveness. He is dead now, but it does not change my feelings for him. I will not go into details, but it really messed me up. Just wanted to share that.

I do hope that someday, as your child grows and can understand, that you have the Austism discussion with him. So that he will understand you better, and perhaps not think badly of you.