How do you get your emotional needs met?

[pamelaperejil]

Do you ask directly? Do you ask indirectly? Do you put on an act/play a role (the good boy, the attention whore?) Do manipulate? Do you ignore other people and go your own way? Does what you do work? Are you apt to meet the emotional needs of other people when they need it? Do you have difficulty focusing on others? How do you feel when you miss a cue and hurt someone inadvertently?

Ever misbehave for any of these reasons?:

to force someone to reveal their hand
to gain (or keep) attention
to validate self loathing/inspire anger and retaliation from others
as a distraction from boredom
to establish a sense of self/ "express oneself": perhaps as a reaction to feeling inhibited or repressed?
to (badly) practice assertiveness
to stir the pot/create drama/for thrills
because negative feedback feels natural and positive feedback feels unnatural
as a cry for help
copying/mimicking an influential person
obsessive/compulsive tendencies (i.e. the tendency to overkill without meaning to)
lack of social awareness/being out of sync with others/not understanding what is called for by the situation

 

[Bolletje]

I get my emotional needs met by interacting with people. That generally does the trick.
On the occasions where my boyfriend doesn’t meet my emotional needs, I just tell him what I need from him. I don’t have to misbehave or manipulate, there’s no need for that imo.

 

[I love roses]

Do you ask directly? Do you ask indirectly? Do you put on an act/play a role (the good boy, the attention whore?) Do manipulate? Do you ignore other people and go your own way? Does what you do work? Are you apt to meet the emotional needs of other people when they need it? Do you have difficulty focusing on others? How do you feel when you miss a cue and hurt someone inadvertently?

Ever misbehave for any of these reasons?:

to force someone to reveal their hand
to gain (or keep) attention
to validate self loathing/inspire anger and retaliation from others
as a distraction from boredom
to establish a sense of self/ "express oneself": perhaps as a reaction to feeling inhibited or repressed?
to (badly) practice assertiveness
to stir the pot/create drama/for thrills
because negative feedback feels natural and positive feedback feels unnatural
as a cry for help
copying/mimicking an influential person
obsessive/compulsive tendencies (i.e. the tendency to overkill without meaning to)
lack of social awareness/being out of sync with others/not understanding what is called for by the situation

The last two. If i miss a a cue and harm, I want to die. It is so damaging to relationships.Ive suffered loss.

 

[Progster]

I have difficulty recognising emotional needs both in myself and in others, so I don't always recognise an emotional need when I have one - instead, I become anxious, agitated or irritable without being able to pinpoint what exactly is wrong. That's how meltdowns can happen - it builds up like a corked bottle ready to explode. It can be really hard to talk about and explain emotions.

When I do have a need that I recognise and pinpoint, I talk about it. I say it directly, such as: this is making me anxious, I need to feel secure, etc.

 

[I love roses]

For learning to get in touch with feelings, three things have helped greatly.
1. cognitive therapy - because they teach the five feelings and their causes and how they are confused for qnroot feeling.
a) mad
b) glad
c) sad
d) depressed, sometimes caused be fear being mad
e) hunger, because hunger can be misunderstood as thirsty, or
triggered by th other emotions, lead to substance abuse.
2. Have a Spiritual Director trained in Psychology
Got sick of seeing psychologists. Discussing only negative family dysfunction reinforced my depression episodes. It was good at first because I learned some basic thinking process that helped. I live in a high poverty area now, so the psychiatrists are not patient with high function aspire because their other patients are so much worse off than us. The ones here are dealing with gang bangers and murderers sent to them by the courts so my issues seemed trivial. I had some severe anxiety issues and my counselor treated me like a spoiled brat because my issues were not cause by me living with a dirt floor. I fired him to his face but nicely. Switched to Spiritual Direction.
Advantages of Spiritual direction by a trained psychologist-
I’m not Catholic, probably never will be. But I use a Catholic Priest only once a month whether I need anyone that month or not. He is reinforcing Feeling management. He will never label me or diagnose me. I only meditate on positive scripture of how God is my rescuer in time of trouble, God’s only desire is to love us as strong as a lover. Sounds kinky but it’s in the Book. Anyway, he doesn’t tell me what to feel. I have to tell him what God told me from each reading I read and how that made me feel. That is it. That is all. He acts as a sounding board. The name of the Meditation is “ Ignatian Study”. Some Ignation Studies include conviction for sin and talk of the Devil. We don’t do that. That one is the one some people do called examination of concious. Since I have much fear and anxiety I do not need to focus on evil like a devil so we don’t go there. I am moral because i want to please the Creator that loves me. But you can pick any religion Spiritual Dirction as long as it is positive, moral, and if they have psychology training that helps. AA is one some like or NA. However, most mainline non extremist religions have thousand of years of experience written within them. I find Christianity studied more really has Buddhist components of peace and wisdom for example, ie Thomas Merton. Man seems to have come to many conclusions of like mindedness over centuries. A good place is Spiritual Directors.org or something like that. But make sure you are careful with picking from these strangers. I have a Franciscan Episcopal female from there as a back up that I email. My Catholic one does not see me for emergencies.
3. Avoidance - Getting anything out of my life that causes destruction,
a) toxic people even if only temporary. Some try harder where you can let them back in and set boundaries.
b) Places and people that encourage substance abuse. Substances numb feelings andnyou get worse, not to mention more brain and health imparement. My Priest tells me I need to feel. It helps process. He doesn’t know my condition unless he figured it out and doesn't say.
c) separating my self from the situation a while even if a few minutes, or days, weeks, months, years. Depends on the trigger as to severity and length of separation until emotional stability and peace is restored within. The sooner the separation to start processing the less damage to everyone. The separation can just take the form of a boundary with people as long as you are not continually triggered. This means speaking up and telling them you can’t be a part of x, y, or z.

 

[I love roses]

I apologize that I went off topic in above post.
i don’t know how to delete it. It is a good post and might be best to be moved to a thread on feelings. My Spiritual Director meets emotional needs because I meet him once a month.

What I just did is something .I am just now learning that I do that and drives people away. Sorry! I didn’t know! Screen shorting this to show to people who are involved in my progress.

 

[I love roses]

I still can’t process this to explain! My Spiritual Director meets an emotional need because he feels like a friend and calms my emotions with a meditation practice. I don’t know why went into the whole thing!!!

 

[Nihil]

I simply let the emotions happen. I don't ignore them. I accept the reality of the situation.

 

[I love roses]

I gain control sometimes and I still try. Not always successfully. My emotions cost me important relationships.