How Do You Deal with Judgmental People Who Don't Understand?

[GhostWriter]

People with certain illnesses face the same problem. Very few people believe that fibromyalgia is a real disease. Actually, it is called a syndrome because there is no nice, clean, specific test to prove it is the problem wrecking someone's life. I live with widespread pain on a daily basis and for the most part, I don't tell anyone what is wrong with me. Having FMS and AS makes me a real ass in most peoples' opinions. How I wish there were a specific test to prove the disease is present. I'm not crazy--I just have rotten luck.

Me too!! When I had fibromyalgia No One understood how much pain I was in, even after I was diagnosed! And as for Aspies, the general consensus among my in-laws is that 1) I am self indulgent & 2) I am an alcoholic, Not the Adult Child of an Alcoholic! If I have a 'meltdown' it couldn't Possibly be that Their Obvious Skepticism exacerbated my problem!!

 

[GhostWriter]

Aspie Misconception of the Day: "Aspies can't read non-verbal communication." I've found that while I often don't get what people aretrying to put across without words, but I can almost always sense whatever it is that they're trying not to say. Their efforts to deceive, coerce, or persuade rarely work because the signals of their true intent are coming across so strong. The reason they can't acknowledge that we can read them is because they would have to admit their true intent and their efforts to deceive us. HA!

Well, heck, that was what I was going to say. Don't have to, you read my mind. Having to deal with people who maliciously try to invade other people's lives is almost worse. Witnessing what they try to do to other innocent human beings with their maliciousness is almost to much to bear.

Bingo!! I just wrote the Same Thing on a Sensory Issues thread- but I think it got Deleted somehow!! Sure wish this site wasn't so unnecessarily Complicated!!
Part of what I said was, 'Have you ever noticed how conversations in a play, movie or on TV never sound the same as conversations between Real People?'. You are right- my sister in law I'm particular is an Expert in Not expressing in any way issues she is uncomfortable talking truthfully about. It drives me Crazy- why not just be Honest & say you don't want to discuss it??
But since she is far from the Only one who does this, it makes for good grounds for me to give up on 'socializing'! Give me the Truth or Silence!!

 

[Suzanne]

Oh yes, all the time and that is because humans have this awful tendency to only see what is in front of them and thus, make a premental judgement.

One person said of me: it is a shame that people do not take the time to get to know you, for they would actually find a very intelligent woman. Ok, so a huge insult and horribly confirming what people, in general do think of me, but for once, I laughed and said that is often what I think and find myself thinking: if only they could see me now, but the snag is that if they did, I would not be the same due to self consciousness.

My husband often accuses me of using being an aspie, as an excuse and that I do not try hard enough and I think: you do not really know me then!

 

[danielcollins]

Another difficult one to answer.

There's some irony (as I understand it) here, my dad (as lovely as a person he is) is a rather judgmental, short-tempered man and as such this also reflects on me.

Many years of me being a bit short-tempered and quick to judge, without realizing what I was doing went past - once I understood what I was doing I did my best to try and correct it (as it's a horrible trait that I don't like) and things are much better now than they used to be.

Time has mellowed me a lot, but I start noticing other people that DONT change. This annoys me, that they do not want to improve on what they already have.

Anyway - I'm rather independent and don't care to much about what others think, I've always been a bit brash, loud, clumsy etc and I'm kinda happy with that. Although inside things are a little different.. anxiety, loneliness etc..

So it doesn't bother me that much. Except when I tell someone I have AS and then they proceed to say I don't, that's a sure-fire way for me to get rather angry rather quickly.

 

[karl]

How do you deal with people who don't understand and judge you? Also, do you ever run into people or doctors who won't believe you about certain things being from the Aspergers, and not just character flaws a normal person would have?

For instance, I'll mean to say one thing, it comes out wrong and offends someone, but that wasn't even what I meant, but they don't believe you. Another problem is when they attribute something you do to a certain character weakness you don't actually have. Maybe if a neurotypical person did it, it would reflect that weakness, but you might have to have stronger character than an average person just to do as well as you do!

Some people think you are just trying to use the Aspergers as a crutch, like an excuse to not have to take responsibility for things. But, at least speaking for myself, people don't realize that I work hard at improving every day, and do make progress, but it's very slow. But they don't see that, they think I'm just not trying, or sometimes they don't even believe you have Aspergers in the first place!

Anyone else have the same problems? How do you deal with it without getting upset?

A little late but similar problem is that I am self diagnosed with aspergers I went to the doctor who specialises in ASD she was really good and she said that I do have aspergers but she would like to refer me to the psychologist to make double sure
Which is fine

Now to the point haha sorry, my inlaws seem fit to let me know I don't really have it and that everyone has a little bit of aspergers bare in mind the only expertise they have it one drops an aspie off at school every morning that's it!
How do you deal with this sort of criticism
It was hard for me to come to terms and get over most of the anxiety of diagnosis

Please help as it does get me down seems they are trying to discredit me or dilute who I am please any help would be great


Thanks guys